Gather round my children and I’ll tell you a tale of a Christmas past. It was a cold winter’s night, over 30 years ago, when a wife called her husband and asked him to pick up a holiday movie from Blockbuster (remember that place?) while on his way home. When he arrived she was rather angry “Die Hard?” she proclaimed “Why that’s not a Christmas movie!” He replied “Sure it is, sit down and we’ll watch and you’ll see, it’s clearly a Christmas film”. And ever since then people have been having the same argument, is Die Hard a Christmas movie?
As time went by people decided to amp up the argument by claiming “well, if Die Hard is a Christmas movie so is Lethal Weapon”. This one took me back a bit and I had to go check out the film because I didn’t remember anything about Christmas in the movie and sure enough, it takes place during the holiday season, however I am firmly entrenched in the "Die Hard is a Christmas film whereas Lethal Weapon isn’t" camp. Back and forth, up and down, round and round there hasn’t been a solution to this age old argument, until now. Yes, using my overwhelming sense of logic and reason I came up with the ultimate solution and not just for these two films but for any film someone wants to claim is a holiday movie.
So, to figure out if a movie is a Christmas movie you can apply the August the 13th test. You take the overall plot of the film and shift it from the specific holiday to the middle of the summer month, the month with the least number of holidays. In fact between July 4th and Labor Day there are zero federal holidays on the calendar. So take your film and drop it in the middle of the no holiday season and see if the plot has little or no changes, or does it require a major rewrite.
Lets start with Lethal Weapon. The general plot of the film (spoiler alert) is a woman jumped (?) to her death from a hotel balcony, an autopsy shows that she had a lethal combination of drugs in her system and her father suspects that she was pushed in order to keep him quite. He contacts his old friend detective Roger Murtaugh to investigate, however Murtaugh has just been saddled with a new partner, Martin Riggs, an office who just lost his wife and now has a death wish. As the two dig deeper into the case they find themselves up against ex CIA operatives running an international drug smuggling operation. And of course chaos ensues. Now, take this plot and drop it into the middle of August and what changes. Well, only one scene, the tree lot drug deal. This could easily be shifted to a junk yard, or a warehouse or a seedy alley and it doesn't really change much. Other than that, the film is the exact same regardless of when it takes place. So, according to the August the 13th test Lethal Weapon is not a Christmas movie.
Now on to Die Hard. The plot is New York City cop John McClane is flying out to California to meet with his estranged wife Holly to decide of they are going to take the next step, try to reconcile or start the divorce proceedings. He meets her at an office party that just happens to be raided by Hans Gruber and his mercenaries, who have come to rob the vault at Nakatomi Plaza. Chaos ensues and of course there is a bloody and happy ending. So what happens when we drop the story into August 13th? Well.
Number One, why is John flying cross country? You’d have to come up with some reason why the couple chose August 13h. Would the audience have the same connection to a random date or some random family event rather than Christmas? Probably not.
Number Two, why is Nakatomi Plaza empty except for the party? I mean if it was August 13th other people would still be at work. In the scene where John Meets Hans we see a directory board that shows that offices on multiple floors are occupied. If it was August 13th other people would have been there, some company going over the books or trying to close the big deal, construction workers trying to meet their deadline on the building construction so they don’t lose out on the big bonus, heck the place should be crawling with the cleaning crew but nobody other than the party goers are in the building. And why? Because it’s Christmas and everyone went home. If this film took place in the middle of summer you’d have to come up with a really good excuse for the empty building.
Number Three, the party. Yep, you’d have to come up with a reason why the company was holding an elaborate party for their employees. I guess you could say they closed a big merger but would everyone show up for that? And would Hans have known about the party with enough time to put together his crew and come up with his plan to rob the vault? It would have to be something he knew was going to happen well in advance and if the Nakatomi Corporation held an annual Christmas party for the staff he would have his optimal date and time to hit the building. Trying to plan a last minute robbery on a party you were only sure was going to take place a week or so in advance, and be guaranteed the rest of the building was empty, would have been impossible.
Number Four, Now I Have A Machine Gun, Happy August 13th. Yeah, it just doesn’t work.
Number Five, how John concealed the gun for the exciting conclusion. He finds Hans holding Holly hostage and only has two bullets left so he can’t go rushing in randomly firing, he has to get close to his targets, he tapes a gun to his back and walks in with his hands on his head. So where did he get the tape? From a gift wrapping cart that had been left near the vault, yep some employee went to a spot in the building where they wouldn’t be seen wrapping last minuet gifts. You’d have to come up with an excuse why John was able to find some tape conveniently left near the vault and it would result in movie audiences saying “yeah, right, they just happened to leave tape laying around in this otherwise empty space”. By the way, it was Christmas tape.
Number Six, the demise of Hans Gruber. When John arrives at Nakatomi Plaza Harry Ellis is quick to point out Holly’s bonus, a Rolex watch. At the end of the movie Hans has a grip on Holly by her watch and is going to shoot John, until John undoes the strap and Hans drops to his death. So, if this was August 13th you’d have to come up with a reason why the company gave Holly the watch. Sure you could say it was for closing a big deal but again, would the audience identify with it? A year end, dare we say Christmas bonus has a bigger impact on the story than just some random “good job” gift. In the end it was, yes, a Christmas present that saved the day.
So, if you move Lethal Weapon to August 13th there is no difference. If you move Die Hard to August 13th it requires a major rewrite and a justification for events and the character’s actions. The conclusion is straightforward, Lethal Weapon, not a Christmas movie, Die Hard, most definitely a Christmas movie. And in the future when some says “Movie X is a (specific Holiday) movie I plan to apply the August 13th test to either agree with them or to prove them wrong so I can stand over them, pointing at them and derisively laughing. Now I’m looking forward to the acton movie set on National Bowling Day.