The Lottery Experiment September

 A Dilemma 

First, I'm not going to do a recap of why I'm doing the lottery experiment, if you want to find out go back and read the previous blogs. 

Now on to my problem. When I let things get out of hand I reined it back in by coming up with the Tip Jar, I only bought tickets with the money people left behind either accidentally or on purpose. (Powerball purchases were separate since there was already a set of rules in place before I started the experiment). Anyhow things worked well until the $200 came along. I'm going to skip the long story but the money is legitimate and I waited 60 full days before I claimed it. Anyhow it technically falls into the Tip Jar and ruins the whole point of controlling the amount I spend on tickets. Right now I could buy one of every game available and have cash left over. So what to do? I decided to set up an Alternative Tip Jar and the $200 would go into that, the money would go towards Powerball tickets and for buying tickets that I know are coming to an end but I don't have enough cash in the regular Tip Jar, but that would have to be a special occasion. It would be so much easier to just blow the entire wad on Powerball and MegaMillions tickets at one go. Oh well, back to the experiment.

Week 15

If you read my last blog you know the lottery people call me every week to ask if I need new games. You also know that they tell me which games they aren't sending out anymore. Last month they told me one game was coming to an end but I had plenty of tickets so I didn't worry about it, now I'm down to three so once again if I was going to buy one of every ticket I was going to have to buy one of these. The problem is that they are $10 per ticket and I only had $2 in the Tip Jar. So, I dipped in to the Alternate Tip Jar for the money. The jackpot was $10,000 and I won, nothing. But once again I've bought one of each ticket. (update, someone came in and bought the last of the big tickets and none of them were winners)

Nobody won the Powerball at the end of August so the first draw in September was for $1.1 Billion dollars. I went ahead and bought another ticket, I got it on the last day of August 8/31 and I decided to buy it at 8:31. We'll see if once again the Universe proves that numbers don't mean anything. I'm hoping someone wins because I'm tired of losing.

The first September Powerball drawing was on Labor Day and nobody won, including me, and it's now at $1.3 Billion dollars. Goodbye to another $2 because it's just too high to not buy a ticket. Once I was playing Texas Hold'em on line, for fun not for money, and I drew two queens. On the Flop the dealer delt two queens. I was holding the winning hand, but I didn't bet crazy because two other people were holding a potential full house and kept betting up the pot, I just checked. When we got to the last card they bet big and I bet even bigger. They paused, did I have a good hand? Was I just trying to buy the pot? The last card wasn't a winning one and they had a lot of money on the table, so they kept going, they felt they had to. It was the biggest pot I ever won. That is where the Powerball is right now, too big to not bet on. Gambling is stupid. Note, the Powerball went up to $1.4 Billion before the drawing. Still hoping someone wins.

I check out the lottery information on the internet as part of the job so I can play in advance. I saw that that one of the games has a second chance drawing that I didn't know about and had been throwing the tickets away, including one yesterday. The good news is that one of the lazy employees worked yesterday and hadn't dumped the trash so I was able to dig it out and enter it on line. The Fates were on my side today.

The lottery sends me emails and today they pulled three games that had big winners. I think I missed playing two of them, oh well. I now have two new tickets in the display case and will order a third tomorrow. One of them is a $15 dollar ticket so fingers crossed for a very generous or clumsy customers. 

Woo Hoo! I matched a number in the Powerball, which means I won nothing. And since nobody else won and the jackpot has gone up to $1.8 Billion I'm going to have to buy another ticket on Saturday. Since I'm keeping track of the money I'm spending I've learned to hate the Powerball.

I did a quick pick and the numbers stink. I might as well toss it in the trash now. Heck I might as well have tossed the $2 in the dog charity jar and did something good with it. Oh well, hopefully someone wins and I don't have to buy another one next week.

Week 16

Finally, someone won the Powerball, $1.8 Billion, two winning tickets to be specific. I don't have to buy another ticket and I can go back to the normal lottery routine. In the end I spent $12 and have nothing to show for it. The joys of gambling. The good news is that it may not go up again until after the end of the year.

I guess the Lottery Gods felt sorry for me due to all the money I wasted on the Powerball, when I got to work I did my usual of checking everything before I opened. Well, the trash can next to the lottery kiosk had several tickets in it and when I checked them one was a $10 Winner! Someone had misunderstood the instructions, it said win the amount that matches your number, and none of the numbers matched their number so they tossed the ticket. However there was a second set of instructions, if you got the bill icon you won double the prize money next to it. Yep, the money icon was next to $5.00. Oh well, their loss is my gain.

Perhaps it's all the money I wasted playing the Powerball but I wasn't looking forward to this week's lottery ticket. There was no excitement or anticipation of the big jackpot. Instead I was thinking about how the cost of the ticket would cut into my wins. I had decided that since I found the winning lottery ticket it counted as Tip Money and had to go in the Tip Jar. There was already $9.06 in there so this raised my total to $19.06 and meant that I could buy the new $15 ticket that had just come in (as part of my "buy one of every ticket" strategy) I didn't want to lose that much money. Oh well, this is part of the experiment so I bought it and sure enough it wasn't a winner, my losing streak continues. The good news is we're heading out of the busy season and I will probably find a lot less lost money. Perhaps I can get back to buying the low end tickets thus cutting down on my overall losses. Meanwhile the unknown factor continues to play a major part in my experiment. Also I don't think I have to worry about becoming a compulsive gambler considering I don't like spending the money. 

Week 17

Crap, a ticket is calling to me. The numbers line up perfectly, the Lucky Coin came to a stop on top of it. It’s not one I’ve bought before and it’s a second chance ticket. I even have the right amount in the tip jar. The problem is that today is Monday and the rules say I can only buy a ticket on Saturday. Well, if everything still lines up in five days we’ll see.

When I got to work on Tuesday I discovered that the perfect ticket had been bought. Well, I don't have to worry about that anymore, however the next available ticket in the pack had a very close to perfect number and I wondered if I should buy it instead, but then a guy came in and bought it. I guess the Fates were just messing with me, or testing me. So I guess I'll see what happens on Saturday.

Ticket buying day. I had $6.21 in the Tip Jar so it meant I could buy a $5 ticket. There are two that I already bought and two that I hadn't, so I had a choice. One had a jackpot of $50,000 and the other had a jackpot of $200 but there are 297 winning tickets available. I decided to go with the one with the better chances (even though they both have 1 in 4 odds), and I didn't win. Later in the day someone bought the ticket with the better payout but they didn't check it so I don't know if they won or not. Also I've moved into the negative column on my spent to win total. At this point I've proven that no matter how much you win, if you keep playing you give it back. The good news is we're heading into the slow season at work so there should be less money in the Tip Jar so I should be able to spend less. I never thought I would wish I would find less cash.

Week 18

I traded shifts with someone so it meant I had to work all afternoon and then work a full shift the next day with very little sleep. However I found two second chance tickets in the trash. BTW, when I say "the trash" I don't mean some disgusting trash can full of goo and gross liquids and half eaten stuff. I mean a small can next to the lottery kiosk that just has discarded lottery tickets in it, in case you think I'm being gross.

For professional reasons I follow the state lottery on Facebook, to see what tickets have had big winners so I can figure out if I need to order new games when the ones with all the big payouts are being pulled. Anyhow I was checking and discovered that where I work sold a jackpot ticket! I had bought one from that same pack and didn’t win squat. So you’re welcome big winner because I was one of the people who bought a loser ticket before you.

A quick note, I talked to the woman who won the big jackpot. She was telling me about taxes and wants us to save up loser lottery tickets for her. So I won't be "dropping" unscratched tickets around anymore. I figure I'll put a box behind the counter and toss them in there, except for the second chance ones of course.

A guy came in and bought four second chance tickets, one was a winner. He left the other three so I brought them home and entered them on line. 

This week I felt like the Tip Jar plan was finally going to work, we hat hit the slow season and the only customers we had were hunters, who pay with credit cards, and Snowbirds, the retirees driving their huge RVs to Arizona after spending the summer up north, and they hold on to every penny with a tight grip. By the middle of my work week I only had two dollars and change. I even picked out the ticket I wanted, then the last day of my week rolled around. Normally it's super slow but for some reason I was overrun, there were people everywhere and they all had an aversion to coins. I was amazed a how much money I had collected in just one day. 

When Saturday rolled around I had $9.56 in the Tip Jar. I had a second problem, the lottery had called and said the new Christmas themed tickets were coming out and I have to make space for them. I decided to let a couple of the games run down rather than ordering a new pack, and one of them is a ten dollar ticket. I decided, once again, to bend the rules, since I said I was going to buy one of every ticket and one was going to run out within a couple of days I kicked in the extra .46¢ out of the Alternate Tip Jar. This game has the highest jackpot payout at $100,000 and is a Second Chance ticket with a prize of one million dollars. Needless to say I lost but entered it on line. So I'm ending the month on a losing streak but that is the experiment. Also next month I'm gonna have to buy the Christmas tickets.

So what did we learn this month, In the short term you might be a winner but in the long run the house always comes out on top. I also learned that I'm not a good gambler because I think more about losing than winning. And I should have had made this a 6 month experiment instead of a full year because I'm not enjoying it anymore, and neither is anyone else because nobody is reading this. (Hi if you're reading this) If it wasn't for the Disney boycott I could just go back to The Simpsons and nobody would care. I wonder what will happen next month?

ps, the Disney boycott is over. So, keep wasting money on the lottery? I guess I have a week to decide.

At the end of September:

Spent $127 (including the Powerball tickets)

Won $70

Found two tickets worth a total of $40

Got a $5 lottery related tip

Won three free tickets (the free tickets all turned out to be losers)

Entered 21 Second Chance tickets on line (I only bought one)

Currently I am down $12.

And I have $186.54 in the Alternate Tip Jar

The Lottery Experiment August

 A quick recap (if you didn't read the two previous blogs) after years of people telling me how much they win when they gamble, and never talk about how much they lose, I wondered what the actual numbers wold be. I decided to do an experiment, every week I would buy a lottery scratch ticket and keep track of how much I spent compared to what I won. At the end of the year I would calculate the final plus or minus total. 

So far I spent $33, won $55, found a $30 ticket, got a $5 tip from someone on a winning streak, and I won two tickets worth $5, which means I had to get a second ticket instead of cash, both second tickets were losers. After two months I was up $57 dollars. I've also entered 8 tickets in the second chance drawings. In June I was up $69 so in July I lost $17. At first I stuck to the rules and bought one ticket a week however in July I went outside the basic rules and started acting like a real gambler. I bought tickets based on how the numbers lined up or because the universe was talking to me, or I had sold a number of tickets from one pack so it was about to hit big, I ended up buying more than one ticket a week and none of them were winners. 

I decided that I needed to find a way to stick to specific rules in order to control my spending and I had an idea, Tip Money, any extra money I get at work, either what people leave behind or what I find laying around. I decided to put it aside and use that to buy a lottery ticket at the end of the week.

And, almost right away I started thinking of ways to break my new rules. The cost of scratct tickets breaks down to $1, $2 and $3 tickets, but then jump to $5, $10 and $15. There is also a $20 ticket but I don't have any. Anyhow I started to think, what if the Tip Money comes out to $4, do I buy a $3 ticket and roll the money back into the Tip Jar (which is really one of those little zipper coin bags that banks would hand out) or do I spend all the Tip Money for that week by buying a $3 ticket and a $1 ticket. And if I could do that could I buy four $1 tickets increasing my odds of winning. Suppose I want to go for a higher priced ticket, for several weeks could I stick to buying $1 tickets and saving up the money until it reached the amount where I could buy a more expensive ticket? In the end the answer was no, I needed to stick to a set of very specific rules for the Tip Money.

Rule #1, one ticket a week. (if there wasn't a full dollar in the Tip Jar I'd make up the difference from my own pocket)

Rule #2, I would buy the ticket based on the available money in the Tip Jar, If there is $3 I would buy a $3 ticket, and any change would roll back into the jar, even if I had $4.95 in the Tip Jar I'd still buy the $3 ticket and the leftover $1.95 would go towards next week's ticket, I wouldn't toss in the nickel and buy the $5 ticket. 

Rule #3 No buying outside of the rules. If the Universe sends me all the signs, if all the numbers line up, if the ticket is guaranteed to hit, if I don't have the money to buy the ticket in the Tip Jar and it's not the end of the week I'm not going to buy it. If the Sister's Fate want me to buy a ticket they'd better come up with the money and make sure it's available to me when it's time to buy a ticket.

Something else came up, is Tip Money limited to the station? Turns out the answer is no. I found fifty cents on my morning walk and it went into the Tip Jar. All found money is now available to buy tickets.

Also I was talking with a friend and we were discussing how to pick tickets. He suggested that I buy one from every game pack. That is a great idea, there are 22 games so as I go I'll keep track and see if I can work my way through all of them. 

So, time to put July behind me and restart the Lottery Experiment.

Week 10

I came up with the Tip Money idea a few weeks ago and started saving right away, by the time August rolled around I had $15.81and since I was going to try to buy one of every game it meant that I could start with the highest price ticket available, which just happens to be $15. The positive is that there are more high end prizes and a jackpot of $75,000. The negative is when I lose the $15 is really going to cut into my final total. Oh well, that's what the experiment is all about. Since I had already hit the top end in the Tip Jar I decided to shift my purchase day to Saturday, plus August ends on a Saturday so I can buy 5 weeks worth of tickets and then start the September experiment on the first. Hey, it's a good excuse. 

So I bought the high end ticket, there was a bit of anticipation, what would I spend the money on? Who would I tell that I had won? And...Well I got that out of the way and I don't have to buy another one. Perhaps next week will be a winner. (note, by quitting time on the first day there was already $3 in the tip jar)

While cleaning out the office I found four old lottery tickets. When I checked them they were from a game that had come to an end and the claim period was over. So I tossed them in the trash can next to the lottery kiosk as bait for someone else checking tickets. It didn't work. 

Week 11

On Monday a ticket was calling to me becasue all the numbers meant something special. However I am sticking to the rules so I'd have to wait until Saturday and have enough money in the Tip Jar to afford it. By Tuesday it didn't matter because someone bought it.

A customer came in to buy some stuff and decided to get a lottery ticket. When he was finished I went back to what I was doing but when I got back to the counter I noticed he left his ticket. Since he bought it on a whim I figured he wouldn't notice it was gone until he was far away, but that would be bad so I ran it outside and gave it to him. Later his wife came back in to check it and it was not a winner. So I didn't waste good Karma by pocketing a losing lottery ticket, lets hope it pays off later. 

I had $7.40 in the Tip Jar which means I could buy a $5 ticket and put back $2.40 for next week. Usually I would try to decide which one to buy but this week I knew exactly which one I wanted to go for. This game has been around for a while and it has to be close to someone buying the $25,0000 jackpot ticket. When all the top prizes are claimed they end the game and we can't sell anymore tickets, you have 90 days to claim any prizes. I get the feeling that someone is on the verge of cashing in the jackpot winner, so I better get a ticket while I can. Thankfully it's a Second Chance ticket with a grand prize of $100,000 so after I didn't win I brought it home and entered it on line. Fingers crossed. (I sold the last of the pack I had and didn't order new ones. When someone wins I won't have to pull the tickets)

I also found that someone had stashed four tickets behind the counter. I checked them but they were all losers. Why would you leave them at work instead of just tossing them in the trash? Beats me but I put them back where I found them. (and yes, an evil thought crossed my mind, if one of them was a winner I could buy another from that game and when it turned out to be a loser I could put it in the stashed tickets)

A Question Of Powerball

When I decided to buy one of every scratch ticket the question came up, what about draw tickets? The problem with draw tickets is there are a number of games, some of which are instant wins and others are drawings that take place multiple times a week, and they run different prices based on how you want to play. There are too many rules and too many options and the odds are a lot higher, so I figure I'll stick with the scratch tickets, I buy one, scratch it, check it and move on with my life. However something came up that brings this into question, the Powerball Jackpot. Years ago I bought too many draw tickets so I set a restriction upon myself, I could only buy one when the hit the $300 million mark. Then they changed the games, the MegaMillion went up to $5 a ticket so I'm not going to buy those anymore. Powerball went up to $2 a ticket so my new rule was only when it hit a $500 million jackpot. It takes a long time for the lottery to hit that amount and then someone usually wins within a week or two so I don't spend that much money. Well, the Powerball is almost at that amount and some decisions have to be made.

There are a number of questions, is the Powerball considered part of the experiment? The answer is yes, if I'm going to include tip money people give me when they win I'll count any money I lose while gambling (if I win a trip to Vegas and blow $20 at Black Jack it's counted as part of money spent.) Also, do I buy a draw ticket instead of a scratch ticket or do I buy both? Does the cost of the Powerball come out of the Tip Jar? And if I don't have enough money in the Tip Jar do I forgo a Powerball or a scratch ticket?

I decided that the Powerball is a separate vice from the scratch tickets and since I already have a set of rules in place I'll still use the Tip Jar for the scratchers and I'll buy the Powerball out of my regular money. I'll count the loss towards my overall total (you can see how confident I am in winning the jackpot). The interesting thing is that on Saturday the Powerball is at $482 Million, just short of the purchase amount so I won't have to worry about it until then, unless someone wins and then I can put it off for months again).

Week 12

August has been a total bust so far, I'm down $20 so hoping for a win, even a small one.

A conundrum, a customer bought a bag of chips and about a half hour later I noticed that they left it on the counter. I knew it was them because the place had been empty (thanks to an RV fire on the interstate) and they were the only ones to buy that type of chip. Since it's a found thing of a specific value does the cost count as money in the Tip Jar? It will bump me up to another level of games. I can think about it for a few days.

I was tempted to buy a Powerball ticket in the middle of the week, it's at $526 million. But I'm sticking to the rules, only on Saturday. Perhaps someone will have the winning ticket for the Wednesday draw and I won't have to buy one. The experiment is really changing the way I think. 

Holy Crap, I won a second chance drawing! Well, I won a ticket to the Zozobra festival in Santa Fe. I don't know what the dollar value would be so I'll have to count it as a separate thing from my grand total.

So I said I was going to buy a ticket on Saturday however today, Wednesday, I talked to the lottery official, they call to see if I need any tickets. I asked about getting more of the big $10 tickets and they said they are ending those games, when they're gone they're gone. So I figured I had $12.25 in the Tip Jar and since I was going to buy one of every ticket, and there are only four tickets left in the one game I might as well buy it early. The positive is that it has a potential payout of $10,000, the negative is the tickets are twice as big as a regular ticket so when I lost I couldn't pretend I just dropped it somewhere for someone else to find. Of course just as I was about to buy it a crowd came in, was it a sign from the Lottery Gods that I should wait until Saturday? However, when work slowed down I remembered, I bought the ticket and it was a $15 winner! Yeah, I only won $5 but I won! And if someone comes in and buys the last of the big tickets I can still say I bought one of each. And I won't be buying another scratch ticket until next week. 

So since I had bought a scratch ticket on Wednesday I didn't need to buy one on Saturday, however. The Powerball had $565 million dollars, beyond my "don't buy until" threshold. I had resisted buying one on Wednesday but I said I would buy one if it was still up on Saturday. I debated using the money in the Tip Jar but I spent my regular money on it. On Sunday when I went to work the Powerball was up to $605 million which means I didn't win the jackpot, and when I scanned the ticket I hadn't matched any of the other numbers, so nothing new was added to my winnings. Also since I'm only buying on Saturdays I didn't buy one for Monday's drawing. If someone wins I won't have to buy another one for months. Fingers crossed.

This week someone threw away a second chance ticket but the web site kept telling me it was an invalid number. The next day someone threw away another one and I checked it out, it worked. I guess it was just that one ticket. (I double checked, the ticket had gone through the first time but the site failed to tell me so the second time I entered it, they say it was "invalid", I got the entry.)

Week 13

A guy left a loser Second Chance Ticket so I took it home and entered it on line. It worked so the previous problem was just my error.

Someone left behind the fortune from a fortune cookie and it said your luck was about to change. Was this a message from the Lottery Gods that I should buy a Powerball? I decided to use the numbers on the fortune and find out (31 15 45 50 64 31 by the way). So I went to the machine where you can put in your own numbers and, none of the bonus balls on the draw tickets goes up to 31 and there are two on the fortune slip. Turns out it was a sign to save my $2. Also I reread the ticket and it says "Your Luck Has Been Completely Changes Today." I don't think the Lottery Gods have bad grammar.

I found a 5 Peso coin and joked, to myself, that it all goes in the Tip Jar. Then I got to wondering what the exchange rate is for the dollar. The internet, so if I'm wrong blame Google, says it's around 26¢, so I dug some coins out of my pocket and tossed them in the Tip Jar. And I tossed the Pesos into my "coins of the world" jar. 

On Tuesday the Lottery Guy came by and updated the machine. Later a customer wanted to buy a Powerball but the machine wouldn't connect with the lottery headquarters so I had to tell him sorry.  I did a hard reboot on the system and it was letting me upload information like the current jackpots and how many scratcher tickets are still active. I was tempted to buy a Powerball to see if that was working but I decided to stick with the rules and I'll only buy a ticket on Saturday. Currently the Powerball is at $643 million for the Wednesday draw so it was hard to keep from justifying the purchase. I hope someone wins so I don't have to spend an extra $2 on Saturday.

On Wednesday I tempted to buy a Powerball ticket and I even came up with a plan, buy at ticket at 11:11. If I bought it during the wishing minute perhaps it would be a winner. However I forgot what I was doing and when I remembered it was 11:13, so I didn't buy one. However it went up to $700 million so on Saturday I'll blow another $2.

I went to Denver on Friday and I was tempted to buy a Colorado lottery ticket just because. However Denver traffic wore me out and I just wanted to get home. So I'll buy one here according to the rules.

Finally Saturday rolled around. I had $6.77 in the Tip Jar so I could buy a $5 ticket. The lottery sent me several new games so I decided to buy the one with the 000 ticket number, the potential payout was $10,000. And I won!, a free $5 ticket, it was a push. So I went with another game with a potential payout of $5000 and, it wasn't a winner.  Maybe I should have used my lucky coin to pick the next ticket.

The Powerball has hit $700 Million dollars so I bought another $2 ticket. Last week I took my ticket into work and scanned it on the machine instead of looking at the numbers. I decided that I needed to see how close I got so I checked it on line, I came close to matching a number. It went up to $750 million but there are two more drawings before I have to buy another ticket. Come on people, buy those winning numbers so I don't have to waste another two bucks.

Week 14

I said I wouldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. However, the Powerball is at $750 million so yes, on Sunday I broke down and bought a ticket. I am so rooting for someone to win so I don't have to buy a ticket for Wednesday's drawing. Oh well at least I'm keeping it separate from the Tip Jar.

I found two more Second Chance tickets so I have more entries.

Temptation. I came up with the Tip Jar to reduce spending and letting the Fates guide me into a bad purchase. The problem is I also said I wanted to buy one of each game, and these two ideas clashed this week. There is a game they are going to discontinue even without a big win, and we are down to the last three tickets. They cost $10 each and as of Monday, when I'm writing this, I only have $3 in the Tip Jar. So which part of the experiment do I go with? The one where random strangers being careless with their cash fund my bad habit, or do I buy the ticket while we still have them and pay for it outside the Tip Jar? At the end of the day I decided that if the Fates wanted me to buy the ticket they'd come up with the money by Saturday and nobody would come in and buy all three of the last tickets, ever. I hope I still feel that way for the next two working days, if someone buys one, or two I might panic and break the rules. 

On Monday I was just two numbers off the Powerball, and nowhere near any of the other numbers. Worse, it went up to $815 M which means that yes, I bought another ticket. This time I got a pick your own numbers slip and randomly picked 6 numbers. It was about the same as just going with a Quick Pick. Wish me luck, or someone luck so I don't have to buy another ticket. 

I was tempted to add another $1 to the Tip Jar. A guy's total came to $8 and change, he paid me all in singles, which he counted out but when I recounted it I discovered he gave me $10. I could have just shoved the bills in the drawer and gave him his coins back, but, Karma. Yeah I gave him the extra dollar along with his coins. We'll see how that pays out in the long run.

Update, I didn't match any of the Powerball numbers and nobody won so now it's up to $950 million and yes, I bought another ticket. Come on people, win this thing so I don't have to spend anymore money.

On Wednesdays the lottery calls to see if I need any new tickets, I have a nearly empty pack so I asked if I could get new ones but they told me that they aren't printing anymore tickets, what is out there is all there will be. The problem is that I said I was going to buy one of every game and considering we're heading into a holiday weekend, with a lot of lottery playing travelers, plus I have Thursday and Friday off they may be gone before Friday. So I violated the rules and bought one early. I had exactly $4 in the Tip Jar and the ticket is $3 so I had the money. The potential payout is $500. It wasn't a winner by the way. 

Since I bought this week's scratch ticket early I considered posting early, however nobody won the Powerball and it went up to $950 million. The drawing is on Saturday so I have to wait til then to see if I lost. A quick update, enough people bought a Powerball ticket this week that the jackpot jumped up to a Billion Dollars. I really hope someone wins on Saturday so I don't have to buy another one.

Well crappers, nobody won the Powerball so it has gone up to $1.1 Billion. And once again I didn't come close to any of the numbers. I guess this will continue next month. I don't want to spend $6 a week. 

I had the opportunity to be evil today. A woman was buying scratch tickets for someone out in her car, probably an elderly relative. Anyhow the person sent the woman inside because she had won a free ticket. when I scanned it on the lottery machine it popped up that the ticket was a $10 winner. For a nanosecond, from the time the winning message popped up on the screen and the receipt printed out I considered giving her the new $2 ticket and putting the extra $8 in the Tip Jar. Yeah, I told her she misread the ticket and was a $10 winner, I just couldn't do it. Perhaps I'll be rewarded with the winning Powerball ticket. 

Today I noticed that one of the tickets had the perfect numbers on it, they all lined up, once again the Universe was trying to tell me to buy it, but I am trying to stick to the rules, buy a ticket on Saturday and only with the money from the Tip Jar. Later a woman came in, bought a bunch of tickets including the one with the good numbers, and lost on it. Thank goodness I didn't buy it.

At the end of August my total is:

Spent $83 (including the Powerball tickets)

Won $70

Found a $30 ticket

Got a $5 lottery related tip

Won three free tickets (the free tickets all turned out to be losers)

Entered 15 Second Chance tickets on line (I only bought one)

Currently I am $22 up.

Oh how Tip Money saved my experiment. 

My job is boring, it's the same thing every day. And when something different happens it's usually a disaster that has to be fixed right now or an annoyance. I felt like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill only to have it back at the bottom the next day. The lottery became a fun distraction from all that, deciding which ticket to buy, anticipating the win or loss and keeping track the money. The problem was that I wanted that thrill more and more, a potential addicted gambler. I had to find a way around it. That is when I came up with the idea of Tip Money, the only money I would spend on the lottery was money that people lost or left behind. There was an unexpected change to the dynamic also, every customer was suddenly involved in my experiment, would they pay with cash and leave some coins behind? Would they prepay cash on the pump and then drive off without their change? Would they be klutzy and drop some coins somewhere? The anticipation of adding to the Tip Jar suddenly made the days go by faster and every interaction either more thrilling or disappointing, kind of like buying tickets.  

Also I was going to buy the highest priced ticket I could afford with the money in the Tip Jar, and the extra would be rolled back for next week. There was another thrill, the change adding up to where I could level up. As I got to the end of the week I would start to anticipate waiting on customers just to see what the result would be. I was no longer trying to figure out which ticket to buy but instead seeing how much money I would have towards the purchase. It cured me of wanting to come up with an excuse to buy a ticket because I had to wait to see which ticket I could afford. The experiment became balanced out and every day, every customer had a direct effect on the outcome, life became interesting again. 

So I heard from the lottery about the event I "won" a ticket to the Zozobra burning in Santa Fe. They swear they sent it but I never got it so they sent it to me again. The problem is they sent it to me three days before the festival and I don't have time to arrange for someone to cover my shift so I'm not going to bother. Since I'm not going to be able to use the ticket I'm not going to count it in my winnings. I wonder if the other "winners" got the same run around.

The Lottery Experiment, July.

 The Lottery Experiment, July.

So a quick recap, people are always talking about how they win big when gambling, but they never talk about the amount they have lost over the years. I decided to do an experiment, buy a ticket once a week and keep track of how much I spent vs. how much I win. At the end of June I was up $69.

Week Five

I started the month off with a $2 ticket calling to me, the numbers all lined up and the jackpot was $5000, and just like in June the Sisters Fate were telling me to buy it. However, when I pulled it out of the rack I discovered that one of the other employees had pulled two tickets and then pushed them back with the higher numbered ticket on top (a customer probably changed their mind). The problem is that we sell tickets in order so they can track them and match up the total at the end of the shift with the sales on the register. Also if someone broke in and stole tickets we could contact the lottery officials and let them know which ones had been legitimately sold and which ones to block. Since the tickets weren't in proper order the Sisters Fate numbers were no longer calling to me. I decided to let my lucky coin pick so I spun it on the glass display and it landed on a dollar ticket with a potential payout of $800 and I bought it. The thing turned out to be a $5 winner! I'm off to a good start.

btw, a woman came in and bought 4 of the tickets from the same game so if I didn't go with my lucky coin she would have gotten the $5 ticket. I find those little twists of fate interesting. 

I had to go to work on Saturday and I found a Second Chance ticket with a potential $50,000 jackpot so covering someone else's shifts worked out, it would be even better if I win the jackpot. Meanwhile another scratch ticket was calling to me, a customer's total came to an even $8.00, the next customer needed a receipt for pump #8 and there was an 8 on the ticket in slot number 8. However I'm sticking to my rules and only buying one ticket a week on Friday so I passed. However if some time in the next week I hear a customer bought a big winner ticket at the station I'm gonna be pissed at myself.

(update, no sign that someone bought a big winner)

Week Six

I'm always mentioning tickets that are calling to me and this week was no different. On Monday the date was 7/7 and if you added up the numbers of the year it comes to 7 (if you skip the 20 part). The ticket in the number 7 ticket slot was the number 007. It's as if the entire universe was telling me "you have to buy this ticket today!" It was $2 and the potential payout is $5000, again, 2 plus 5 = 7. So even though I vowed I was going to ignore the whole number thing and only buy a ticket on Friday I broke the rule. And the Universe then reminded me that numbers are just a human construct and don't really mean anything other than keeping track of stuff. So I was down another two dollars.

I was watching a travel show and the hosts stopped at a "lucky statue" to touch it on the well worn spot. I figured it would be a great idea to find some lucky thing and put on the counter by the lottery display, but what? At first I thought about going with a classic, the Laughing Buddha, however considering the current political climate I thought I might get accused of being religiously insensitive or doing cultural appropriation so I kept looking. Next I considered an animal figure or a Norwegian troll, however in a store full of stuff it might get lost in the background of visual noise or people would think that it was for sale. Perhaps the best way to go would be the most simplistic, a lucky rock. I started looking around my house (for reasons I won't go in to I have a number of interesting rocks at home) but none felt right. I decided the best thing to do was to go to the mountain and look around. The Sisters Fate must have felt that it was a good idea because my brother called and he was heading up the mountain and invited me to come along. I went to a spot where I knew there were exposed rocks due to erosion and within 10 minutes I had found it, the perfect lucky rock. It wasn't too big so it took up too much room on the counter and it wasn't too small so people wouldn't notice it. It was oval-ish and flat on the bottom so it wouldn't roll around, it was mostly smooth but had a few wrinkles for character. And it is quartz so it has a translucent quality plus it has small flakes of pyrite so it has a glittery effect. I wrote Lucky Rock on it and underneath I put the disclaimer "Luck Not Guaranteed" so nobody could sue me. When I went in on Monday I put it on the counter next to the lottery display. Several people commented on it, one guy touched it, one guy offered to buy it and a couple of people picked it up and saw the disclaimer followed by a good laugh. (A few weeks later a guy bought a scratcher and then rubbed it on the Lucky Rock but he left before checking it so I don't know how that worked out)

The problem with the Luck Rock was it was untested, if anyone asked if it worked what would I say? I know, I promised I would only buy one ticket a week but this is for science. So I put my left hand on the lucky rock and spun my lucky coin with my right hand and then bought the ticket it had landed on. It was a $2 ticket with a potential payout of a $1000. Anyhow, perhaps the rock is lucky in other ways, perhaps we were going to get into a horrible car crash on the way back from the mountain but just as I picked it up the car that would have smashed into us had a flat tire, thus changing the timeline. You don't know, you weren't there and you can't say that didn't happen. Anyhow I spent $4 on tickets this week even though I said I was going to stick with the original plan of just one ticket per week.

Meanwhile a regular customer came in with a series of winning tickets and she was pretty happy about it. She decided to share her good fortune and gave me a $5 tip. I told her she didn't have to do it but she insisted. So, since it was lottery related do I count it in my lottery fund? I decided I might as well. 

I also found another second chance ticket in the trash and have another entry for the $50,000 jackpot. I'll find out when they do the drawing at the end of the regular game. 

Week Seven

On Monday I was bored so I spun my Lucky Coin on the display glass. It jumped over the frame and came to a stop on the counter. I figured that was its way of telling me to not choose a ticket today. Later a woman came in and bought a stack of random tickets thus reshuffling the packs. Is it a sign or just coincidence?

You'd think I had learned my lesson, numbers mean nothing and I should just randomly pick a ticket. However this time the signs were clear, everything was there, the numbers, the general atmosphere, several matching numbers from outside sources including customer's purchase, I even spun my lucky coin over the display case and it came to a stop on the very ticket with the good numbers, that I didn't buy earlier in the month. So I bought the $2 ticket with a potential payout of $5000 and, lost. Of course believing in "all the signs" is one of the pitfalls of gambling and why there are mega casinos in Las Vegas.

Week Eight

The Universe is messing with me again. On Monday I noticed the numbers on a ticket almost lined up perfectly. The Game Number ended in 39, the pack number ended in 39 and it was ticket number...38. In order to get the perfect ticket I would have to buy two of them, and they are $3 each, but have a jackpot of $50,000. Do I want to spend that much money to once again have the Universe laughing at me? Then a customer drove off without their change and how much was it? $2.39 cents. Well, I have a week to wait and see if someone buys the lower number ticket and then I'll just be spending the $3.

OK, I give up, I gotta follow this experiment wherever it may lead. I said I was going to only buy low end tickets however this week something happened that falls into one of the pitfalls of gambling, believing that "something is about to hit, and big." I was still waiting for someone to buy a ticket so that the good numbers would line up on the one pack, meanwhile several people came in and started buying tickets out of a different game. In the end they bought a total of 15 tickets, and one of the customers kept scratching them off and checking them. She won a couple of times and lost on more. It set up the problem of "this pack is about to hit". I knew that it probably wouldn't but I'm doing an experiment and sometimes I have to go with the cliche the Universe hands me, plus it was pretty exciting for a few seconds. So, I bought a $10 ticket with a potential payout of $500. That may seem low but these tickets have more winning prizes and thus better odds. I justified the purchase as part of the experiment and, lost. 

Also, they are changing my schedule so I'll be buying tickets on Wednesday instead of Friday. I don't think it will change the outcome of the results but you never know, I mean gamblers do believe in following a pattern. I'm not really a good gambler.

Someone told me there was a key for the shed out back, and it was somewhere in the office. The room is a giant mess by the way. I did a quick search but didn't have time to do a real deep dive. Anyhow I found an unscratched lottery ticket hidden in the back of the desk so I checked it on the machine. The game had come to an end so it was invalid. I went ahead and scratched off the boxes and followed the instructions. Not a winner. But at the same time it didn't cost me anything. 

Towards the middle of the week a guy came in with a stack of tickets he wanted checked. He had two winners and a stack of losers. He asked what we do with the tickets after we check them, I said I tear a gap out of the bar code on the winners so they can't be scanned again and the rest get tossed in the trash. I asked if he wanted his loser tickets back (I didn't call them 'loser tickets' btw) but he said no. And that is how I got two more second chance tickets to enter on line. It could be worth $25,000 (I may not have mentioned that to the guy but there are ads all over the building and information on the ticket so it's his own fault)

Week Nine

With the schedule change I'm buying tickets earlier so it means this month I'll buy a ticket before Friday and will end the month with 5 weeks worth of purchases. 

Someone finally bought the ticket out of the pack I was waiting for, the one with all the numbers that lined up. The game number ended with 39, the pack number ended with 39 and the individual ticket number was 39. And last week there was even a customer who left their change on the pump, $2.39. I felt that I had no choice, I had to buy it, a $3 ticket with a potential payout of $50,000 and, once again numbers don't mean anything.

Later in the day when I was cleaning I found an unchecked ticket in the trash by the kiosk, the barcode was still covered, so I scratched it off and it was a winner! A free $3 ticket. I wish I had found it before I spent the money on the other ticket. Anyhow I decided to get one of the Second Chance tickets, it's $3 with a potential payout of $5,000 and...I didn't win. But it's a Second Chance ticket so I entered it on line for a chance to win $3000. Wouldn't that be fun, winning on a ticket that someone threw in the trash.

I also have been thinking of keeping track of what I refer to as "Tip Money", cash I find at work or when people say "keep the change". Anyhow this would be a way to pay for tickets without using paycheck money. One year I kept track of everything I found and it came out to over $400. I ended the week with $2 in coins so I figured I would do a test, I bought a $2 ticket, it's a lower end one with a potential payout of $50 but there are more prizes, and I won! Except it was another free $2 ticket and couldn't get the cash, I had to get another ticket. I decided to go for a different $2 ticket with potential payout of $5000, and lost. Perhaps doing a Gambler's Justification, coming up with reasons to spend money on gambling, wasn't worth it at all.

At the end of the month I had spent $33, won $55, found $30 and a free $3 ticket, got a $5 tip and won two "free" tickets totaling $5. My lottery pot is up to $52 dollars but that is down $17 from the start of the month. And I've entered 10 tickets in the second chance drawings.

This month was mostly about experimenting, playing the numbers, buying a ticket that were due to hit and spending extra money that had come my way. It was a losing month. I also started to think about the Gambler's Rush, the reason people become addicted to gambling. Basically every ticket in the display case is a Schrodinger's ticket, every unscratched ticket is both the big jackpot winner and a total waste of your money at the same time, the only way to know which is to buy and check it. There is a moment of anticipation, an adrenaline rush as you wait for the reveal, your heart beats a little faster and you imagine what you'll spend your winnings on. When you actually do win, regardless of how small you get a thrill, and even if you lose you still have that slight leftover buzz. Addicted gamblers want more of that rush and are willing to spend more and more to get it, it isn't the amount won or lost but the thrill of it all. I started coming up with reasons to buy tickets but by the end of the month I wasn't getting that buzz anymore. I think by the time I get to the end I'll be tired of spending money and scratching tickets. I'll probably go back to ignoring the numbers and the payouts, other than keeping track of the value of the ticket. I'll just write this month off as experiments that proved systems don't work.

And now, on to August. 

The Lottery Experiment June

 The Lottery experiment, June.

So, I kind of fell off on the whole Simpsons thing. I keep trying to get back into it but it became such a slog that I wasn't looking forward to it. I needed a new project to blog about and thanks to a change at my job I find myself working at a place that sells scratcher lottery tickets. What was meant to be temporarily filling in for someone turned into a full time position with a lot more responsibility, but no pay raise.

Anyhow I was bored at work and started to wonder, can you actually win at scratcher tickets? I have a few regulars who come in and buy a lot of tickets, and win some, but what is the win to loss on their purchases. I figured I would try for myself, however I don't want to waste a lot of money and I came up with a plan.

Here's the plan, once a week I'm going to buy a scratcher ticket although I'm not going to play the actual game, I'm going to scratch off the confirmation bar code and then scan it on the main lottery machine. Then a little bit of evil, take the losing ticket and drop it somewhere, someone will come along and find a ticket that hasn't been played and think they found a potentially winning ticket. I'm making someone happy for a few minutes until the finish and find that ticket is a loser. I consider it a life lesson.

Meanwhile here's the breakdown on price range of the scratch tickets:

$1

$2

$3

$5

$10

and 

$15

Several of the tickets have a "second chance" option, if the ticket isn't a winner you can go on line, enter the scratch off code and you have a chance to win a future drawing. Right now there are three second chance contests, a $3 ticket with a second chance of $3000, a $5 ticket with a second chance of $5000 and a $10 ticket with a second chance of One Million Dollars! I check people's tickets for them and when they aren't winners they want me to toss them, which somehow wind up in my bag and then bring them home to enter them on the lottery web site.

So, onto the experiment, 

June

Week One

I decided to start off with a $1 ticket that had a potential jackpot of $1000. And, it was not a winner. So the result of my first try was $1 spent, $0 won and I'm at -$1 in my experiment. I'm off to a....start.

Week Two.

The ticket display has cards of the various games under a large glass sheet. People can look in it, see what the games are and how much they cost. I figured I would use my lucky coin to pick a ticket for me, I spun it on the glass and it landed on a two dollar ticket with a potential payout of $1000. I bought it and, didn't win anything. My total so far was $3 spend, $0 dollars won and I'm at a -$3.

That should have been how I ended the week, however, each ticket has the game number, pack number and individual ticket number printed on them, for control and legal reasons, plus they are in numbered spots in the case so people can say "gimme a number 5". For some reason all these numbers lined up on a ticket in a way that meant something to me and I felt that the Sisters Fate were encouraging me to buy it, I had no choice but to do it. So I spent an additional two dollars and...the Sisters Fate were laughing at me for believing that random numbers actually meant something. I officially ended the the week having spent $5, won $0 and was at a -$5 in my experiment.  Why do people do this?

Week Three.

This started off to be an interesting week. There is a small lottery kiosk off to the side of the main counter. It has brochures with game information, the forms to fill out if you want to pick your lucky numbers, a small counter to scratch on and a scanner connected to the main lottery so you can check your bar code and see if you're a winner, although I always encourage people to double check at the main machine even if the thing tells them they didn't win. Anyhow on the side is a small trash can to toss your loser ticket in. When I find tickets in the trash I check them on the main machine, just in case. On Tuesday I found a couple of tickets so I checked them, the first one was a loser, the second ticket gave me a "Bar Code Error" message so I took a closer look, they hadn't fully uncovered the code so I got out my lucky coin, cleaned it and scanned it again. Holy Crapppers, it's a $30 winner! Someone had scanned it, didn't read the screen but just listened for the happy little tune it plays for winners, thought it was a loser and tossed it in the trash. Since it had been tossed in the night before I don't know who did it so I couldn't give it back to them and basically found $30 in the trash.

At this point i had spent $5, won $0, and then found a winning $30 ticket so I'm up $25 and my experiment is funded for at least a couple of months, if I don't get too crazy.

Friday rolled around, which has become my official purchase day. I spun my lucky coin and it landed on a $1 ticket with a potential payout of $1000. I scanned the barcode and, Holy Crap, it was a $50 winner! You know, that little thrill you get when you actually win? This is where the danger of becoming hooked on gambling comes from, however I'm pretty cheap and hate throwing away good money on stupid stuff so I'm not planning on a Vegas trip to invest my current winnings on the craps tables. 

So at the end of week three I had spent $6, won $50, found a $30 ticket, which puts me in the positive category of $74. 

Week Four

I ran out of a pack of tickets and there was a second pack that was almost empty. Once a week the state lottery office calls to see if I need anything so I told them to send me a pack of $5 tickets and more of the popular $10 tickets. By the time I got the new tickets the pack that was almost empty was down to two tickets. I was thinking, I'm ahead on my lottery funds and I could buy both of those tickets and then I could put out the new pack, especially since it is a second chance ticket and I could get the tossed ones to enter on the internet. However, as I said before, I'm cheap and the tickets were $5 each, I would have to spend $10 out of my experiment fund. If I stick with low end tickets I could buy four weeks of tickets for the $10. After weighing the pros and cons I decided to not buy the two tickets and just wait for them to run out before putting the new tickets in the rack.

However, when I walked in to work on Friday I discovered there was only one of the $5 tickets left. I figured that once again the Sisters Fate were trying to send me a message, "buy the last ticket", so I did. I spent $5 on the ticket, it had a potential payout of $50,000, and, it was a loser, once again the Sisters Fate were laughing at me.

I've also managed to get a number of Second Chance tickets. As of the end of the month I have entered one ticket with a potential of winning of $3000, one ticket with a potential of winning $5000 and four tickets with a potential jackpot of $1,000,000. The first two end next month and the big jackpot will be drawn at the end of the year. So I'll have to wait to find out about those one.

The web site also had a survey that will have a drawing worth $1000 so I filled it out. I mostly answered the questions based on what my customers tell me (mostly that they hate the crossword games), and to say it's better to buy at the counter than at a vending machine. I doubt they care about my opinion.

June Total

I ended up the month spending $11 on tickets, won $50, found a $30 ticket and have $69 in my lottery fund.

If I was a smart gambler I would say that the experiment was only for the month and walk away happy, but I had decided to do it for at least until the end of the year and potentially for a full year, until July 1st 2026. We'll see, perhaps my lucky coin will actually pick a big winner next month.

Stay tuned. 

(every time I read this I rewrite it so I'm just gonna go ahead and post it. If there are any really dumb errors, well so be it)

 The Simpsons 421-425

Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes

This episode premiered on September 28th, 2008. The lead in show was the OT and it was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Amazing Race and Football Night In America. 

The title comes from the 1989 movie Sex, Lies and Videotape.

The couch gag is the family sits on the couch but are frozen in carbonite and Boba Fett comes and carries them off. A spoof on the 1980 film The Empire Strikes Back

It's St. Patrick's Day, the river has been turned green from the nuclear power plant. Quimby announces that they are having a booze free celebration, everyone is mad. The Pride Of Ulster show up, Lisa sings Toora Loora Loora to try to maintain the peace, however a fight still breaks out. When a group of children show up and steal Marge's cupcakes Patrick Farrelly saves them and offers her a job in his bakery. Homer gets arrested and his bail is $25,000 so he decides to become a bounty hunter. He tries to trap bail jumpers with a fake condo offer. Snake shows up and when Homer chases him he pulls a gun and tries to shoot Homer but Ned comes by with bulletproof glass and reflects the bullet. Ned tries to convince Snake to go straight but Homer stuffs a plastic bag over his head until he passes out and then turns him in for the reward. Homer gives Ned a cut of the reward and then offers to team up to catch bail jumpers. It turns out the bakery is an erotic shop, Patty and Selma come in to pick something out. Ned and Homer's first job is chasing down Sideshow Bob. They go after Fat Tony but get into a fight about how Homer arrests suspects and so he and Ned break up. Homer is mad that Marge lied about making erotic cakes but she offers to snuggle with him and an erotic cake so they make up. Ned goes to the bail bondsman to quit however he has one more job, pick up Homer. Homer and Ned get into a parkour foot chace that includes horses and jumping from planet to planet at the Planetarium. Homer and Ned get stuck in concrete and Ned recites the entire Bible. Marge sends Homer a special cake in prison, it says To The Love Of My Life. Meanwhile Sideshow Bob escapes.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus returns as Gloria, Robert Forster does the voice of Lucky Jim.

Gloria first appeared in the episode A Hunka Hunka Burns In Love

During the St. Patrick's Day celebration they have the River Dancers. This is a stage show that started in 1995, Michael Flatley became the star of the show.

Parade float: Irish boy most resembling a potato / Straight Catholic Priests (there are two of them) / Small Irish Family (A drunken father, angry mother and two dozen children) 

The Green Hulk and Orange Thing get into a fight

Bail Bonds, We put criminals back on the street

The bail bondsman employs Wolf the Bounty Hunter. This is a spoof on Dog The Bounty Hunter that ran from 2004 to 2012

Homer's card: Thanks For Saving My Ass! Happy Anniversary Marge Nicely Done Ned

Ned and Homer's company: Good Neighbor's Bounty Hunters. Friend Catching Fiends. 

Electric Avenue by Eddy Grant plays during the chasing criminals montage.

Ned listens to the Christian cover band AD/BC

Fat Tony almost escapes on the Monorail. It was first seen in the episode Marge vs. The Monorail.

Smither's orders "extra long Twinkies" for his commitment ceremony.

One of the bounty hunters is Cherry Darling from the 2007 movie Planet Terror.

Homer trying to escape from Ned is a spoof on the parkour scene in the 2006 James Bond movie Casino Royale.

When Homer remembers catching bounty skippers with Ned the Batman theme plays complete with words popping up when the bad guys get punched.

Lost Verizon

This episode premiered on October 5th, 2008. The lead in and following show were King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America.

The title of the episode came from the 1937 film Lost Horizon and the Verizon phone company.

The chalkboard gag is "Teacher's diet is working" and the couch gag is the family rushes to a Mt. Rushmore type of monument but it's a stone carving of them on a couch. Bart says "ay caramba!"

Seymore runs out of gas. He put a $1's worth in and swears he only used 90¢ worth. He has to run across the freeway but forgets the gas can so he has to run back. Milhouse sees him and alerts everyone with his cell phone. A drunk Barney thinks Seymore is a giant beer can and chases him around. Meanwhile Bart is at a tea party with Lisa and misses the whole Skinner thing because he doesn't have a cell phone. While walking down the street, and complaining, Bart gets hit by a golf ball from the country club. When he returns it to Dr. Hibbert he gets a dollar and goes into the golf ball retrieval business. Willie gets mad because reselling golf balls is his territory. Dennis Leary is playing in the Pro-Am tournament and when his phone goes off while he's trying to putt he gets angry and throws it away, Bart finds it. Brian Grazer tries to call Dennis Leary and gets Bart, Bart agrees to star in the movie version of Everybody Poops. One week later, in Tunisia, Denis Leary is playing the king of the gorillas in the movie. Bart calls Leary's manager and tells him to buy Yankees merchandise, when it arrives Leary calls Bart and threatens him. Marge catches Bart with the phone, he refuses to say where it came from but Milhouse shouts out that it's Leary's. Leary tells Marge to keep the phone and activate the GPS tracker so she can keep a closer eye on Bart. Marge tracks Bart to a construction zone and then to an R rated movie, Sever. Then to the horse track and grave robbing. Lisa catches them tracking Bart and complains, meanwhile Moe is spying on Marge and the FBI is spying on Moe. Lisa goes to Bart to tell him about the tracking chip, he removes it and straps it to a bird. Marge and Homer track him to the Shelbyville bird sanctuary. With his parents gone Bart has the house to himself. The bird lands on the car and Lisa realizes that they are following a bird, however it's migrating south to Machu Picchu, where Lisa has always dreamed of going, so she doesn't tell them. Meanwhile Bart is having great days and horrible nights. Marge falls asleep and has a dream about overprotective mothers of Machu Picchu and how they didn't prepare their kids for the conquistadors. The bird lands on Homer's computer and Marge figures it out, when they get home they find Bart and he claims that he didn't notice they were gone but Bart gets overly clingy. Meanwhile they left Maggie behind and she's become the new queen of Machu Picchu.

This episode was dedicated to Paul Newman who had passed away on September 26th. He was featured in the episode The Blunder Years

Brian Grazer and Denis Leary do their own voices in this episode. Grazer also appeared in the episode When You Dish Upon A Star

Highway Sign: Principal crossing freeway: Expect delays.

Letter to Marge: Allied Peas. Account Overdue Final Notice (with a picture of the not so Jolly Green Giant) on the back says We're Not Kidding with an angry Little Green Sprout. 

Continuity error, Dr. Hibbert is playing golf with Dr. Nick, even though Dr. Nick was killed in The Simpsons Movie. 

Working Man Blues by Merle Haggard plays during the Bart gathering golf balls montage.

The Krusty Klassic Celebrity Pro-Am "Not a penny for charity"

Self aware joke: when Bart finds Leary's phone he says "Oh cool, you can even watch commercials on it" and then points it towards the TV, the show then cuts to the commercials.

Phone gag, Bart uses Leary's phone to call a bar in Hawaii to ask for Maya Normasbutt. An Australian bar looking for Drew P. Wiener. The Sweden bar he asks for Mr. Olaf Myfriendsaregay. The last phone prank was in the episode The Way We Weren't and the last Bart phone prank was in the episode 24 Minutes

The Australian bar is called Crocodile Drunkee's. The one in Sweden is called Inga-Bar Beerman's 

Best line of the episode "Bart, where did you get a cellphone" Bart "Same way you got me, by accident on a golf course"

Watch Your Step by Elvis Costello plays when Marge is tracking Bart.

T shirt: Bart Simpson Sleeptacular. With a drawing of Bart, Milhouse and Nelson.

On a note, when the Simpsons first went on the air cell phones were still what was known as The Brick. Big, bulky, limited range and low battery life. In this episode everyone has a flip phone which has become outdated technology.

Double Double Boy In Trouble

This episode premiered on October 19th 2008. The lead in show was a Simpsons rerun (Treehouse Of Horror XVIII) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America

The title of this episode comes from the witches speech in Shakespeare's play MacBeth. 

The chalkboard gag is "There's no such month as 'Rocktober'" and the couch gag is the family gets sucked up into a tornado, with Wizard of Oz music, and lands in a B&W barnyard. (Should have been sepia tone)

Homer is about to buy the last lottery ticket on the roll when Bart goes to do a cannonball into a cart full of marshmallows. However Wiggum bumps the cart out of the way and while Homer is trying to catch Bart Lenny buys the ticket, which is worth $50,000.  At Moes Lenny announces he's spending all the money on a party for his friends. Bart tries to spay Rod and Todd with cat pee but hits Marge instead. At the party Lenny planned on giving everyone a vacuum robot but Bart turns them all on and they attack the guests. The cops catch Bart and Marge takes away his non dice board games. While in the bathroom Bart runs into his doppleganger, Simon Woosterfield. They decide to switches places. Bart loves living Simon's life but Simon finds out the Simpsons eat weird food and Homer is loud, Lisa is suspicious. Bart discovers that Simon's siblings hate him because he will get half the inheritance. Simon is about to demand they trade places until Marge comes to tuck him in. Bart runs into Burns who tells him how his family "mysteriously" survived his family and became a soul heir, Bart realizes that he was set up. Lisa figures out that Simon isn't really Bart. The Woosterfield family is going on a trip to Aspen and Bart figures they are going to try to kill him with a ski accident. Bart is pushed down a Black Diamond slope but Homer shows up, gets caught in a giant snowball and rolls over Bart just before he hits a tree. Bart his happy to be home. 

The plot of this episode comes from the Mark Twain novel The Prince and the Pauper.

Joe Montana does his own voice.

Tales Of The Kwik-E-Mart: Prices that will gouge your eyes.

Homer calls Bart a "Dennis Level Menace"

Woosterfield Hotel "Welcome friends of Lenny"

Lenny sings Thank You For Being A Friend (best known as the theme to the Golden Girls)

Vacuum settings: On / Off / Malevolent Sentience 

Springfield Heights, Ethnic Names Bear Right. McMansion, McDreamy, McSteamy, McDonalds, Fleetwood Mac, Macaulay Culkin (in the Home Alone pose)

Continuity. In the Van Houten living room there is a photo of the family however it's Pyro's body with Kirk's face taped over it.

Simon has a three eyed fish in an aquarium. 

Welcome to Aspen. Population White. Spiffanys / Vulgari / Marc-Up Jacobs / Trophy Wife Engraving 

This episode was one of the "Well, it's over" ones. They set up the whole story of Simon Woosterfield but there was no conclusion. And there was no real punishment for Bart after he cost the family $50,000 or ruined Lenny's party. 

Treehouse of Horror XIX

This episode premiered on November 2nd 2008. The lead in show was The OT and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, The Amazing Race and Football Night In America.

The show starts off with an overview of Springfield, it's election day '08 and half the town is covered in Barack Obama posters, the other half John McCain. (I miss those days). Grandpa is holding a sign that says "I Still Like Ike". Homer "I'd like to vote for President, Governor or anything that will take money away from our parks or libraries." He's too fat to fit in the booth so they send him to the doublewide, he pushes Obama and it registers it as McCain, every time he pushes the button it registers a new vote for McCain. When he complains he gets sucked in and killed. Once his body is tossed out Jasper puts an "I voted" sticker on his forehead. The opening credits are in red, white and blue.

Untitled Robot Parody (Morf Transers / Trans Morfers / Snort Farmers)

Bart is almost done with his Christmas shopping but still needs a gift for Lisa. He goes to a discount store full of junk, a toy truck blinks at him and he says "girls don't like toy trucks, come back as something else" so it transforms into a Malibu Stacy car. Homer gives Grandpa an oxygen tank. Lisa's car transforms into a robot and melts the angel on top of the tree with it's laser eyes, only Maggie sees it happen. That night it shoots all of Lisa's electronics and says "Pos-I-Bots, transform!" When all the appliances transform Homer asks if there is something different about the kitchen and they all tell him "no" so since the toaster never lied to him before he figures everything is OK. His car transforms with him in it, and poops him out. It gets into a fight with Ned's car. Lisa decides that two races of aliens have chosen the Earth to fight on. An AMT turns into a robot and shoots money at Otto. Carnage Destructicus and Bestimus Mucho have their final battle, however Marge shows up and tells them off for destroying Springfield. They realize that they can't remember why they were fighting, and instead turn humans into slaves. The Simpsons end up as figures on a Foosball table, Homer introduced them to the activity.

This sequence is a spoof on the Transformers.

The shop is You Forgot-Me-Nots. The Last-Minute Gift Store. The store has a Montreal Expos Jersey / Somber String (it has a picture of someone hanging themselves on the label) / Jacks with no ball / Slunky, "It Doesn't Do Anything"

Pos-I-Bots: Snooze (alarm clock) / Threeway (desk lamp) / Melody (boom box) / Sex Toy (O...K...)

Springfield Shopper headline: Christmas Occurs

Homer gets Seinfeld Season 7 for Christmas. There were 9 seasons of Seinfeld and it ended in 1998.

How To Get Ahead In Dead-vertising

The show starts off with the Mad Men title credits but Homer as the silhouette. Marge and Homer are dropping Maggie off at daycare. Maggie is scared but the wall has a Krusty mural, however he has shown up to sandblast it off since it's unlicensed. Homer tells off Krusty and shoves him on to the swings, after a series of events Krusty ends up in a nearby tree shredder. Advertisers show up to hire Homer to kill celebrities so they can use the dead actor's images in advertisements. Homer kills George Clooney during his handprint ceremony at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood by switching out the cement for Extra Deep Quicksand. He stabs Prince with his symbol shaped guitar. At the National Air And Space Museum he kills Neil Armstrong by flying a wind up toy plane into the Apollo capsule, which crashes into a jet launching a missile into the Spirit Of St. Louis, which then crashes into a statue of Alan Shepard playing golf on the Moon. The club flies out and hits Armstrong in the head.  After their images are used in advertising the dead celebrities are angry at Homer. Jimmy Stewart tries to stop the mob but they run him over. Edward G. Robinson shoots Wiggum for stealing his voice. Rip Taylor shows up to beat up CBG even though he was still alive at the time. After killing Homer the dead celebrities ride back to heaven but Homer has locked them out. He and Lincoln walk away, Lincoln grabs Homer's butt. 

Crazy Ethel's Daycare Center. Where your child learns to trust strangers.

Krusty sandblasting the mural off the wall is based on the 1989 Disney lawsuit against a string of daycare centers that had unlicensed murals of their characters.

The ad men convert the end of Planet Of The Apes to sell Buzz Cola with Lemon.

Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads plays during the Homer murder montage.

Times Square advertising: George Clooney Brand Novelty Vomit "Now With More Chunks" / Prince's Choice Drought Resistant Grass Seeds / Country-Style Ragu "It'll Send You To Mars (with Armstrong in a space suit)

A John Wayne ad, several different movies are cut together to sell Stockswappers.org 

Washington and Lincoln are getting married at the Springfield Chapple's President's Day Marriage-A-Thon

Celebrity Heaven has a huge golden gate, Regular Heaven is behind a wooden fence. 

There was a popular story that Lincoln was Gay but there has never been any actual proof of that. 

Although they were alive when this episode ran Neil Armstrong died in 2012, Prince died in 2016 and Rip Taylor died in 2019.

This episode was based on a fight over the rights to celebrities images after they died.  

It's The Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse 

The episode is done in the Peanuts style, Milhouse goes to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin. Homer is asleep on the roof like Snoopy. He takes a food bowl in his teeth and throws it at Bart (who is wearing a Charlie Brown style shirt). Lisa complains that Milhouse says she has a nice witch costume, she says she Wiccan. There is the sound of a trombone in the background, Lisa asks "what did you say mom?" Marge says "Nothing, I was practicing my trombone". Milhouse says he's going to the pumpkin patch to wait for the Grand Pumpkin, Bart says he made up the story and there is no such thing. Milhouse still believes. When everyone goes to laugh at Milhouse Lisa decides to stay behind. After Lisa gets mad and leaves Milhouse cries and The Grand Pumpkin comes to life from his tears. However The Grand Pumpkin wants revenge on humans when he finds out what they do to pumpkins. Milhouse runs to the school to warn them the Grand Pumpkin is coming but he smashes through the wall just then. Lisa makes up a story about Tom Turkey so he prays to him, he shows up to fight with the Pumpkin. The Turkey kills the Pumpkin with a Horn A Plenty however when the Turkey finds out about Thanksgiving he goes on the rampage. Marge gives angry the viewers an address to write to but does it via the trombone. 

This is a spoof on the classic Charlie Brown Halloween Special

Lucy and Linus by Vince Guaraldi plays during the opening.

SLH flies over the school on his dog house like Snoopy. 

Kodos and Kang are part of the Peanuts dance. 

The closing notes for the Shhh lady are done on a piano via Schroder. 

Dangerous Curves

This episode premiered on November 9th, 2008. The lead in show was a Simpsons repeat (Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America. 

The chalkboard gag is "I did not see teacher siphoning gas" and the couch gag is the family as a series of cuckoo clocks. 

The family is stuck in 4th of July traffic, the radio station is playing their top sound effects. They decide to pick up some hitchhikers, the pimple faced teen and his girlfriend Beatrice. 

Flash back to 20 years earlier when Homer and Marge are out riding bikes. Homer wants to do Biking out, make out while biking, Homer crashes into the ditch, Ned and Maude pick them up. Ned tries to talk them into getting married, Maude wants him to stop talking. It turns out they are on their honeymoon. Ned isn't happy that Marge and Homer are making out. 

Return to the present where Homer tells off the hitchhikers for making out in front of the children.

Flashback to 5 years earlier. Patty and Selma are complaining that Homer ruined the family picnic, he peed in the pool off the diving board. Homer throws them out of the car however they had the map and Homer runs out of fuel. He and Marge have a fight, she won't walk on the same side of the road as him. They come to a house throwing a party. At home the kids are tickle torturing Grandpa for cookies. A woman starts hitting on Homer but he doesn't understand. Marge catches Homer limboing with the woman and tells him off but falls into the pool. The woman convinces Homer to start a sushi fight, Marge wishes she never met him.

Back to the present the family arrives at their destination. Homer bribes the kids to go off in a pedal car.

20 years earlier the Flanders and the Simpsons arrive at the same cabins but Ned refuses to let them sleep together since they aren't married. Ned and Maude snuggle. 

5 years earlier. Homer is still at the party with the woman while the host, Roberto, tries to seduce Marge in his glider. Homer becomes jealous however the woman offers him pineapple and pepperoni pizza. Roberto lands the glider at the same cabins. The woman, Silvia, drives Homer to the motel where he sees Marge through the window, Roberto hides while Homer tells Marge that he's there to rekindle their old memories, he wants to snuggle, Marge says she doesn't like the trunk that Roberto is hiding in so Homer drags it outside. Silva comes up but Homer shoves her inside, her and Roberto hit it off.  Just as Homer and Marge are going to snuggle Grandpa shows up with the kids, he's sick of them and they all fall asleep on the bed. Homer suggests going to the lake to "snuggle".

Modern time, Homer goes to unpack the car and gets tied up in the bungee cords. Just then Sylvia and Roberto show up with their kids and talk about what happened that night. Homer and Marge are pissed to find out that each of them had lied about the night 5 years earlier. 

Flashback to 20 years earlier. Ned and Homer are fishing and talking about marriage. Ned suggests that Homer and Marge go for a walk however Maude is spying on them with a super soaker full of ice water. Homer carves their name on a tree but it's covered so Homer climbs up high to carve Homer & Marge 4ever. 

The present. Homer finds the tree and tries to peel off the bark to show her. Marge shows up to say their marriage can weather any storm however it falls over and Homer ends up hanging over a river. The bark on the tree unwinds, Marge and Homer are plunging to their death however they reach the end of the bark and are hanging over the river. Just then Bart and Lisa show up, having driven the pedal car into the river. Everyone falls into the car and Bart complains about his parents kissing in the back seat. The episode ends with all the cars going towards a roundabout, splitting in half and rejoining on the other side. 

The episode was based on the 1967 film Two For The Road, including Bart and Lisa having a fight over getting lost in the pedal car.

Bart is playing a video game, Cereal Killer, he shoots Cap'n Crunch / The Trix Rabbit / Toucan Sam / Count Chocula is hiding in a window 

SUV Superstore "Going out of business, Thanks for nothing" 5 years earlier when the Simpsons drive by they are having their Grand Opening.

Continuity error, Homer and Marge have sushi at the party but in the episode One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish the family has sushi for the first time.

They sing The Limbo Song at the party. 

The family drops the pimple teen off at Tongue Kiss Point. 

The family goes to Kozy Kabins for the Fourth Of July.

Patty and Selma have a file cabinet full of Homer insults. Up To's / Uncle. Monkey's / Unclean / Ugly As

The Bullies are reading Esquire, The Women We Love. 

This is the end of another 5 episodes. Overall they were OK, I wouldn't say any stand out. There is a change coming to the series but I'll save that for the next blog.

The Simpsons 416-420

Papa Don't Leech

This episode premiered on April 13th 2008. The lead in show was American Dad and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Oprah's Big Give, 60 Minutes and Monk. 

The title comes from the 1986 Madonna song Papa Don't Preach.

The couch gag is an artist brush paints the family onto the couch while cartoonish music plays.

Homer is letting Grandpa drive. Abe tries to find a song he likes and clips Patty and Selma coming the other way. Homer and Abe go over the side of the road and roll down the hill eventually landing in the middle of the highway, where Grandpa once again drives off a closed road and crashes. When Grandpa says he'll have to live with the Simpsons Homer strangles him, however it's Homer dreaming, while he's driving Lisa to deliver Gal Scout cookies. When Lisa goes to Quimby she discovers that the town is broke. The Mayor offers to pay Lisa double next year however she refuses. Quimby threatens to pass a bill requiring the Gal Scouts to hire Gay leaders, Lisa supports that, after a brief tussle Lisa runs away with the cookies. At an emergency budget meeting Homer gives a Jimmy Stewart style speech and proposes the town fake a disaster to get federal relief money. FEMA shows up and offers $10 million, as soon as they fill out some forms and submit a $2500 processing fee. It turned out to be a fake FEMA official and stole the money. Lisa goes through the old tax records and discover there is a list of people who owe back taxes. They collect all the money except from Lurleen Lumpkin, Bart does a recap of the episode Colonel Homer. Lurleen owes $12 million in taxes but hasn't been seen in a while. Nelson tries to set a "free Grammy" trap but catches Krusty. Lurleen has been hiding in the back of Homer's car. Homer brings her home but Marge kicks her out. When Marge finds out Lurleen is living under a bridge she brings her home. The cops show up and arrest Lurleen. Since Lurleen is broke the judge rules she must pay a $100 a month. Lurleen went broke because of all her ex husbands, they all look like versions of Homer. Lurleen takes a job at Moes as a waitress. She writes a song about her deadbeat dad. Lurleen's dad turn out to be Royce, they make up. Homer is jealous of Lurleen's relationship with her father. That night Royce sneaks out. The Dixie Chicks sing a song about giving in to the right wing to the tune of Lurleen's song, her father sold it to them. Lurleen tells the Chicks that Royce stole her song, The Chicks beat him up and Lurleen goes on tour with them, although the roadie looks like Homer. 

Beverly D'Angelo returns as the voice of Lurleen Lumpkin and The Chicks (Formerly Dixie Chicks) do their own voices.

Grandpa listens to Tommy Dorsey's All White Orchestra.

Lisa was in a Girl Scouts (Gal Scouts) meeting in the episode A Star Is Burns.

Gal Scout cookies: Slim Mints / Don't si Don'ts 

Springfield's new slogan "Springfield: Good"

Lisa's badges: Apple Polishing / Skepticism / Vegetarianism 

City hall sign: Emergency Budget Meeting, Hospitals or Firemen: You Decide

Delinquent Taxpayers: Mr. Burns / Comic Book Guy / Duffman / Gil / Helen / John / Kelly / Lenny / Milhouse / Mayor Quimby.

Dated references: Grandpa listens to a CD player in the car / Lisa uses a dot matrix printer to get the list of delinquent taxes.

Lurleen Lumpkin sings her Homer song to Kermit The Frog.  Miss Piggy shows up and beats up Kermit. 

Continuity error, Lurleen was from Spittle County, not Springfield so she wouldn't owe any taxes to the city.

Lurleen Lumpkin was last seen as a member of the bowling team The Home Wreckers in the episode Homer's Team. And somewhere in the background of The Simpsons Movie.

Courthouse sign: Today's Judge is Nonsense / No Nonsense (it looks like a motel sign). The "No Nonsense" is lit up.

The court bailiff announces the next hearing in a "The People's Court" fashion because it's his dream, the judge rules he can't dream. 

Homer tries to get a photo with the kids for a t shirt but it ends up taking a photo of his butt, Daddy's Special Pair. 

The Chicks record at White Trash Records 

Apocalypse Cow

This episode premiered on April 27th, 2008. The lead in show was a Simpsons repeat (Husbands and Knives) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, Big Brother and Monk. 

The title comes from the 1979 film Apocalypse Now

The chalkboard gag is "A Person's a person no matter how Ralph" and the couch gag is a repeat of the Medieval  tapestry. 

The kids are watching a cartoon that is just a commercial for cereal so Marge makes them watch golf. When they want to buy a putter Marge has Lisa make banana bread and sends Bart off with Homer to get the beanbag chairs fixed. They drive by a hale baler and find out Martin is running it as part of 4H. When Bart finds out it can be dangerous he wants to join, Homer finds out that parents don't have to be involved so he drops Bart off at the 4H center. They let Bart drive a hay bailer, he runs over a clothes line and the shirts come out folded. He gets a Farm Subsidy check for $50,000. Each of the 4Hers get a calf for the summer however the runt is the only one left so Bart has to take it. Bart meets Mary who teaches him how to take care of a calf.  Bart's cow wins the county fair, that's when he finds out they are taken to the slaughter house. He can hear the cow calling, Lisa tells him that it's his conscience telling him to stop eating meat, however it turns out to be a CD that Lisa put under his bed. Bart agrees to stop stirring his lemonade with a sausage in exchange for Lisa's help getting Lou back. Lisa's hippie friends show up to help. Lou is super fat and stuck so Bart uses a forklift to get him out, they take him to Mary's farm. Cletus, her father, thinks that giving the cow to Mary means he wants to get married. When Lisa goes to the parents for help Homer punches Flanders to make sure they don't hear any stupid comments. Marge shows up to stop the wedding but Cletus ships the cow back to the feedlot, however it's Homer in a cow suit heading straight to the slaughterhouse. They put Lou on an airplane to India. Homer is almost dropped into a sausage grinder but Marge shows up at the last minute and saves him. 

Zooey Deschanel does the voice of Mary Spuckler

The chalkboard gag comes from the Dr. Seuss book Horton Hears A Who "A person's a person no matter how small"

Krusty's Korean Kartoon Kavalcade: The Trans-Clown-O-Morph. It's a knock off of Transformers. The show wants the kids to buy cereal with the secret code to save the Clown-O-Morphs 

Homer tells Bart that Dean Martin would show up late and change the script. Bart mentions that Wikipedia says Martin was passionate about rehearsals. Homer plans to go home and change Wikipedia. The search engine started in 2001 and became well known for getting facts wrong. 

Cheddarbarrel Farm And 4-H Center. 4-H: It's Still A Thing.

When Bart drives a bailer over a pile of manure Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 comes out the back end. At Worlds End came out in 2007. It would be another 3 years before On Stranger Tides and 9 years before Dead Men Tell No Tales. 

Regular cast members in the 4H: Ralph / Martin / Nelson / Terry / Sherry / Janie / Bart

Bart has Lou (the cow) punching a side of beef in a spoof of the 1976 film Rocky.

Springfield County Fair / Warning: Funhouse may have Christian message.

Ralph's calf is a sawhorse with a face painted on a bucket.

Lisa's CD is Anguished Animals III / Tress MacNeille (she's a voice over artist on The Simpsons)

Lisa's protein alternative pills are Dr. Hippie's Fungus Yums

Abattoir & Costello LLC. "Where cows go from moo to you"

Bart gives Lou the Casablanca speech about getting on the plane. 

This show is full of horrible stereotypes aimed at rural people. If it was any other group Woke would be up in arms. 

Any Given Sundance

This episode premiered on May 4th 2008. The lead in was a Simpsons rerun (He loves to fly and it d'ohs) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, Cold Case and Monk

The title of this episode comes from the 1999 film Any Given Sunday.

The couch gag is the family are on the couch in a pop up book.

Homer takes the family to the big college game, but mostly for the tailgate party. Homer and Bart go around stealing food from other people. A fight breaks out between the fans. Lisa isn't having fun so she starts filming the parking lot for her school project. When the film gets a three out of five from the teacher she goes to complain to Skinner who supports her. Skinner tells Lisa that she should make a documentary about the drama in her life and her family. Chalmers shows up and insists that Skinner encourage Lisa in order to show up the Springfield Art Academy, Chalmer wants to enter Lisa's film in Sundance. The entire school gets involved in the project. While watching Lisa's film all the Sundance judges pass out when they gasp too much. Homer says he wants to meet Jim Jarmusch and ask him who he is. Skinner and Chalmers try to sneak in to Lisa's film but the bouncer sticks them on a toboggan and shoves them down a hill. They end up crashing through a Mormon church with multiple marriages however it's just a hallucination and they are really passed out in a snowbank. Everyone loves Lisa's film but the family gets mad because it makes them look bad. Lisa says nobody will watch it since it's a documentary but CBG does an online review. Chalmers and Skinner sell Lisa's movie. Nelson also made a documentary about his life. Nelson's documentary knocks Lisa's out of the spotlight and people stop harassing the family. John C. Reilly wants to star in Skinner's movie Ghost Willie.

Jim Jarmusch and John C. Reilly do their own voices

The Big Game: Springfield U. vs. Springfield A & M. Homer went to U. and Lenny & Carl went to A & M

Lisa's video camera is a My Little Sony (with a rainbow) This is a spoof on My Little Pony. It's also a dated reference since everyone in the modern world uses the camera on their phone. 

Skinner's screenplays: When Edna Met Seymour / Ghost Willie / Killing Seymour's Mother / The Principal Who Sold A Screenplay.

Seymour is banned from the Universal Studios Tour in Florida. 

Marge's favorite documentary is So You Bought A Toro, even though it was pro lawn mower.

Homer wears a toupee for the Shia LaBeouf movie. In 2008 he hadn't gone full weird yet. 

I Turn My Camera On by Spoon plays while Lisa films the family.

The Springfield Art Academy building is made out of modeling clay, they reshape the place to look like the Guggenheim Museum.

Sundance Film Festival. Do Not Feed Ben Affleck / Where Parker Posey Meets Parka-ed Posers

The drive to Park City Utah is a spoof on the opening scene from the 1980 movie The Shining

Sundance Films: Regularsville / Candyland / Chernobyl Graveyard / Capturing The Simpsons / Life Blows Chunks by Nelson Muntz.

Variety, Sundance Edition: Sundance Loves Little Backstabber. (with Lisa's photo)

Self Aware Joke: Marge says "No more Simpson's movies, one was enough"

Mona Leaves-a

This episode premiered on May 11th, 2008. The lead in show was a Simpsons rerun (Midnight Towboy) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, Survivor and PGA golf

The title is based on the da Vinci painting Mona Lisa

The chalkboard gag is "This punishment is not medieval" (written in illuminated script) and the couch gag is a repeat of the evolution one.

Moe is hanging out in the mall parking lot holding his key just so people will stop and ask if he's leaving and he can disappoint them by telling them no. The family goes to Stuff-N-Hug, a Build A Bear type of shop. Bart records a bunch of Homer insults on the stuffed toys, Homer goes nuts and destroys them. When the family gets home they find the front door open, Homer goes in with a cinder block on a chain, it turns out to be Mona Simpson. Mona says that the government thinks she's dead so she can stick around but Homer rejects her. When Homer decides to make up with his mother she really has died. Homer wants to know what happens after you die, Apu and Ned get into a fight about religious interpretation. Mona leaves a video will, she leaves Bart her Swiss army knife, Lisa her rebellious spirit, a hemp purse for Marge and wants Homer to go to the highest point in Springfield Monument Park at 3:00 PM and scatter her ashes. Halfway up the mountain Lisa wants to give up and scatter the ashes there. Homer dumps the ashes but they go into a secret bomb base inside the mountain and destroy the guidance system thus halting a launch. Homer tries to run away but falls on the missile, the guards shake him off and then beat him with their clubs. Mr. Burns is using the missile to launch his nuclear waste to the center of the rainforest. Bart shows up with Mona's knife so Homer cuts himself loose. He finds a cinder block and a chain and rebuilds his home defence weapon. Marge sets her purse on fire and shoves it in the ventilation system getting the guards stoned. Homer defeats the guards with his chain brick but sets it on the self destruct button. Homer parachutes to safety with his mother's ashes in a vacuum bag, he thinks he can rehydrate her. Instead he dumps them into the wind again. There is a flashback of Homer and Mona.

Glenn Close returns as Mona Simpson. Lance Armstrong does his own voice.

Mall store: Itchy and Scratchy's, Sweaters, not the fun cartoon / Lead Based Toys /Stuff-N-Hug

Homer says "You keep disappearing and reappearing and it's not funny, you're just like that show Scrubs" Scrubs ran from 2001 to 2010.

Homer watches the ESPY awards with presenters Lance Armstrong and Fozzy Bear.

Homer says "I'm really glad you corrected me Lisa, people are always really glad when they are corrected". Sounds like a typical day on the Socials.

One of the missile guards bases the direction the ashe came from and the time of day, he determines that they came from where Homer is standing. The other guard tells him he's not Monk. The show was running opposite The Simpsons on NBC at the time.

White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane plays when Marge sets her hemp purse on fire. 

After defeating the guards and smashing the rocket control Homer says "That'll do brick, that'll do". This is a spoof on the line from the 1995 film Babe.

When Homer escapes the missile base his parachute has the Union Jack on it, this is a spoof on the 1977 James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me.

During the montage of Homer and Mona, Mother And Child Reunion by Paul Simon plays.

The episode is dedicated to the memory of Elsie Castellaneta (Dan Castellaneta's mother) and Dora K. Warren (Harry Shearer's mother)

All About Lisa

This episode premiered on May 18th, 2008. The lead in show was a Simpsons rerun (I Don't Wanna Know Why The Caged Bird Sings) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, The 43 Academy Of Country Music Awards and The Office.

The title and plot are based on the 1950 film All About Eve

The couch gag is a repeat of the family on a computer screen.

At the Springfield Showbiz Awards Sideshow Mel starts narrating a story about Lisa. Flashback to the family going to Krusty's 4000th Show, Drew Carey is the emcee. Krusty announces that he's looking for new Krusketeers. At the audtion Nelson does a musical number torturing nerds, Bart does impressions, Nelson's mother "snuggles" with Krusty in order to get him the job. Lisa tells Krusty that he can hire Bart as an intern but he hires her instead. Krusty gets angry at Nelson and fires him. Bart is jealous of Lisa so he takes all his Krusty stuff to CBG who offers them a Bicentennial quarter (worth 25¢), Bart and Homer start a coin collection, including stealing all the pennies from the Kwik-E-Mart take a penny tray. They even set up a fake toll booth. They manage to collect all the coins except the 1917 kissing Lincoln penny. Mr. Teenie gets stuck in traffic so Lisa has to appear as a pirate and sprays Krusty with seltzer, she becomes hypnotized by the applause. Krusty's accountant warns him about Lisa however she doesn't tell him about a rehearsal for the network executives and does an act for them. Even Krusty's agent abandons him for Lisa. Lisa gets her own show and the fame goes to her head. Krusty ends up doing the 3:30 AM show, Last Gasp with Krusty the Clown. His guest is Jimbo Jones. Bart and Homer go to an auction to try to buy the missing coin but Mr. Burns is buying them all. Mr Burns buys the penny for $10 million. Homer asks Burns for change for a nickel and get the coin. Lisa gets the Entertainer Of The Year award however Sideshow Mel shows her the former winners, all who eventually failed and were forgotten, including himself. Lisa asks Krusty to come up on stage and then he does his act. Krusty gets his show back and Lisa quits show business. 

Drew Carey does his own voice.

The 38th annual Springfield Showbiz Awards. Regulars attending: Rainer Wolfcastle / Booberalla / Arthur and Gabbo / Sideshow Mel / Krusty / Bumblebee Man / Harry Plopper / Lisa / Kent Brockman / Mr. Teenie / Lenny / Homer 

Krusty started out with the Kruskeeters (a spoof on the Mouseketeers): Jesse / CJ / Cubby (who is still owed money by Krusty) show up for the 4000th episode show.

Bart was Krusty's intern and then became famous as the "I Didn't Do It" Kid in the episode Bart Gets Famous.

Self Aware Joke, Sideshow Mel says show business is a business and the audience will find out in 3-2-1 and then the program cuts to a commercial.

Are You Fatter Than A Fat Guy, Wednesday's at 8. This is a spoof on Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

Nelson does the Flashdance water drop dance.

Krusty Kloven Baby Visker! Norway baby wipes.

In the episode Homer The Vigilante Bart collected stamps. 

During the montage of Bart and Homer looking for coins the Andy Griffith theme song plays. 

CBG has a comic book Muhammad Ali vs. Radioactive Man. This is based on the real comic book Muhammad Ali vs. Superman.

When Bart and Homer steal coins out of the wishing well the Leprechaun shows up.

Gavelby's Auction House

And so we've come to the end of another 5 episode and season 19.  The series did a reboot of the Marge and Homer meeting (That 90's Show) but then did a flashback to Homer at Woodstock (Mona Leaves-a) from the original timeline. There were some good episodes, and some bad ones. At least we're heading into an even numbered season. Let's hope they are better. 

Just a quick side note, The Simpsons 420 episode wasn't about you know what. Gotta wonder why.