The Simpsons 281-285

The Lastest Gun In The West

This episode premiered on February 24th, 2002. The lead in show was The King Of The Hill and it was followed by Malcolm In The Middle. It ran opposite The W.W.O. Disney (Tarzan), The Education Of Max Bickford and the XIX Winter Olympics Closing Ceremonies.

The title comes from the expression The Fastest Gun In The West

The chalkboard gag is "Making Milhouse cry is not a science project" and the couch gag is the zit faced teen is making out with a girl on the Simpson's couch.

Bart is having a great day, he catches a foul ball from the Isotopes, finds several dimes and gets free ice cream, however he comes across a dog that chases him home. He tries to scare Lisa with a fake spider and gets attacked by the dog again. The dog turns out to be nice to everyone else except Bart. He eventually escapes the dog by climbing over a gate of Buck McCoy's house. Buck makes Bart do a domination trick on the dog and it goes away. Grandpa remembers Buck McCoy, Lisa tries to mention her hero but is cut off. The Simpsons invite Buck over for dinner, Bart decides it's time to relaunch the actor's career so he tries to start a cowboy trend at school. He goes to Krusty to try to get Buck on the show. Krusty agrees to let Buck perform but tries to give him stage fright, Buck shows up on camera drunk, he shoots up the studio and hits Krusty. Buck is fired and Bart gets rid of all his stuff. Marge figures the way to cheer Bart up is to get Buck to sober up. Snake is robbing a bank so Homer comes up with the idea to get Buck to stop them. Buck lassos the robber's guns and he becomes Bart's hero once again, and rides off into the sunset. Buck goes home and is seen picking up his mail and dumping his trash, and the mean dog chases Bart down the street. 

Dennis Weaver does the voice of Buck McCoy

Lisa is gossiping and says that Ralph's baby brother is really a pine cone. In the episode Wild Barts Can't Be Broken there is a drawing by Ralph of his family, complete with a baby, hanging on the wall of the school. Other people must have noticed this and commented on it thus requiring an eventual (three years later) explanation.

Bart tells the dog "Eat my short stories", a spoof on his catchphrase that he doesn't use anymore. The book he shoves in the dog's mouth is America's 2nd Best Short Stories. The shred from the destroyed book is the ending to The Lottery.

Buck's Movies: Gunfight At The Museum Of Natural History / Buck McCoy * Bob "Tex" Allen, Texas Rangers Ride Again / Wyatt Ear Meets The Mummy / Six Brides For Seven Brothers / Six-Gun Lullaby 

Buck's horse is named Frank The Wonder Horse. 

Self aware joke: Marge makes a comment that Homer won't have an adventure this week. 

Buck promote Drunken Cowboy Whiskey

Buck stared in a tv show called McTrigger, A Quinn Martin Production. This was a spoof on McCloud, a 70's show that stared Dennis Weaver. The episode is titled "Scuse me while I kill the sky" This is a spoof on the Jimmi Hendrix lyric from Purple Haze. Buck says they wrote him out of the show and it became Room 222, a high school drama that ran from 1969 to 1974 (and launched Bruno Kirby's career)

Krusty says he doesn't want to do the flavor of the month bits on his show but wants it to have a timeless quality,  then he gets a script with hanging chad and Judge Ito jokes. Hanging chads had been a deciding factor in the 2000 Presidential election and Judge Ito had oversaw the OJ Simpson trial in 1994. The joke makes more sense now since the Century Kids probably don't get them.

Sign next to Buck's costume display "In case of comeback break glass" with a hammer. 

Homer wants to become Bart's new hero and shows up with a photo of him in the classic Farrah Fawcett swimsuit. 

The John Ford Center For Alcoholic Cowboys. This is a spoof on the Betty Ford clinic and the classic westerns director John Ford.

Buck mentions Howard Hawks and David O. Selznick. Classic Hollywood figures.

This episode fell into the category of my least favorites. The jokes all seemed to fall flat, the original story about a vicious dog chasing Bart was dropped until they needed a closing joke. And the whole Buck storyline just kind of ended with no real conclusion. Normally I consider this one a skip but I'm doing them all so I had to watch it.

The Old Man And The Key

This episode premiered on March 10th 2002. It ran in its regular time slot and opposite The W.W.O. Disney (Confessions Of An Ugly Step Sister), Max Bickford and NBA Basketball (Lakers 117 - Nicks 103)

The title of the episode is based on the Ernest Hemingway novel The Old Man And The Sea

The couch gag is the Blue Man Group is playing in the living room. Homer says "What the..."

Homer is excited for the start of the XFL season however the league had folded at the end of the 2001. They get a call from the nursing home informing them that Abe is dead. When they get to the nursing home they discover that there was a mistake and Stimpson had died. Zelda moves in to the vacant room and Abe starts flirting with her, however she's impressed by Zach because he can drive and has a mini van. Grandpa lost his license when he crashed into the Orca tank. When Abe goes to see Homer about driving Lisa says they should give him a chance but Homer refuses. After Abe throws a tantrum Marge offers to help him get his license back. He takes a seniors class and then goes to see Selma at the DMV, she offers to give Abe his license if he promises to never wink at her again. After getting his license Abe dresses in his best Zoot Suit and asks to borrow Homer's car, Homer says no but Marge offers to go on a double date, they go to the drive in, Homer has a shoe on a stick to work the brake pedal from the back seat. When Granda comes home after staying out all night Homer tells him off and calls Zelda a "hoochie". Abe runs upstairs and plays Benny Goodman extra loud. Abe is allowed to drive to the store but while there he gets his lottery ticket scrapings on the leader of Los Souvenir Jackquitos (a senior gang that wears jackets from the places they have visited). When they are going to fight in the Kwik-E-Mart Apu tells them to solve their problems via a death race. They meet at the empty drainage ditch and Snake starts the race. The old Jewish guy uses Homer's shoe on a stick to cause the rival gang to crash. Their jackets catch on fire but the leader refuses to take his off, he'd rather die than not have people know what place he had visited. Abe wins the race by being the first through the tunnel however it comes out on a hill and they crash into a tree in the Simpson's back yard, Homer takes away Abe's license. Zelda has booked a trip to Branson, since Abe doesn't have a car she goes with Zach. Grandpa decides to steal Marge's car, Bart helps him hotwire it and the two head off to Missouri. Homer says they have to go after Grandpa but they don't know how they will get there, just then a bus heading to Branson rolls up in front of the house to pick up the Flanders, Homer says they should wait for the next one. They get off the bus in Bronson Missouri, where everyone looks and sounds like Charles Bronson. In Branson Abe meets Tennessee Ernie Ford, Grandpa points out that he's dead (1991) and he turns to dust. Marge wants to take a quick gambling break (because she's an addict) however there is no gambling in Branson. Homer tracks Grandpa to a show, Abe he rushes on stage to talk to Zelda, he tells her off and calls her a Hoochie. He apologizes to Homer and they head home. The Beverly Hillbilly's closing song plays over the credits while the family waves like on the classic show's closing credits. 

Olympia Dukakis does the voice of Zelda and Bill Saluga does the voice of his classic character Ray Jay Johnson. Johnson was first mentioned on the episode Krusty Gets Kancelled, and was a joke in several episodes after that.

Grandpa wears Old Old Spice

The nursing home cliques: The Preppies (wearing coon skin coats and waving '16 pendants, 1916 btw), The Comatose, The Cool Comatose (they are smoking)

Homer and Bart are playing Scrabbleship. 

Senior Education Classes Today / Must Clean Up Own Mess!

The famous meme "Old Man Yells At Cloud" is in the episode when Abe asks Patty to use it as his drivers license photo.

Abe is 5'8" and weighs 180 pounds. 

Springfield Drive In: Dude, Where's My Virginity? Starring Bridget Fonda Jr. and Judd Nelson as Dean Probationaly. This is a spoof on the 2000 movie Dude, Where's My Car?

When Abe picks up Zelda at the nursing home there are three old guys with long beards and ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man plays while they do the finger wave thing. 

Grandpa take a viagra and when it kicks in the theme from Popeye The Sailor Man plays, and his hair points upwards. Kind of a racy joke considering. 

Los Souvenir Jackquitos jackets: Jurassic Park / Planet Hollywood Orlando / Tasmanian Devil / Hard Rock Cafe. They drive a 57 Chevy Bel Air

The scene between Los Jackquitos and Abe's friends at the Kwik-E-Mart is a spoof on the two gangs scene in West Side Story.

The car race is a spoof on the scene from the 1978 movie Grease.

During the car race the old Jewish guy uses Homer's break shoe, The closed caption says the Los Jackquitos passenger says "The Shoe on a stick! but the actual translation is "The shoe of the devil!" The old Jewish guy yells Ich vinch eich gezunt! which the translation says means "I wish you good health!". 

On the road trip to Branson Abe and Bart listen to an old radio program of Itchy and Scratchy Radio Hour.  Itchy is at the counter of his butcher shop, Scratchy comes in and you hear him scream "You're grinding my head!" Abe says Eleanor Roosevelt was the voice of Itchy during WWII

The Itchy and Scratchy radio program is sponsored by Hansen's Mustache Wax, the wax Hitler doesn't use.

Grandpa drops a pamphlet at the Simpson's house: So You've Settled For Branson. 

Branson signs: Wilfred Brimley in "The Angina Monologues" / Andy Williams presents Glen Campbell / Glen Campbell presents Andy Williams 

Zach takes Zelda to see That's Familiar. Performers in the show: Charo / Mr. T / Bonnie Franklin / Adrian Zmed / Ray Jay Johnson / Charlie Callas / Yakov Smirnoff 

Bart went to Branson Mo. in the episode Bart On The Roads

One of the jokes of this episode is all the older actors who people thought were dead but are performing in Branson. Since it aired a number of them have actually passed away, Tennessee Ernie Ford of course (1991), Wilford Brimley (2020), Andy Williams (2012), Glen Campbell (2017), Bonnie Franklin (2013), Bill Saluga aka Ray Jay Johnson (2023) and Charlie Callas (2011) 

Tales From The Public Domain

This episode premiered on March 17th 2002. It ran in its usual time slot and opposite The W.W.O. Disney (Snow White: The Fairest Of Them All), Max Bickford and Weakest Link

The title is based on the show Tales From The Crypt.

The chalkboard gag is "Vampire is not a career choice" and the couch gag is a real life flip book of the family sitting on the couch.

Marge is flipping through the bills, one is labeled "I kill you!" written in blood. Homer gets a letter about an overdue bill from the library, he checked out Classics for Children when Bart was born but never read from it, the book is 10 years overdue. They read several of the stories.

D'oh Brother Where Art Thou?

Homer think the story is about the Odyssey van he once owned, instead it's about the end of the Trojan war and Homer's journey home. It starts with Odysseus delivering the Trojan horse to Troy. The Greeks come out of the horse and kill everyone in the city. Odysseus doesn't make a sacrifice to the gods so they send him off course. A drunken Bacchus tries to hit Odysseus with a lightning bolt but destroys Atlantis by mistake. The Sirens sing Barry Manilow's Copacabana, they turn out to be Selma and Patty. Meanwhile Bart is telling Penelope (Marge) to choose a new suitor. The ship winds up on the island of Circe and the crew is turned into pigs. Homer eats the crew. Homer has to go down the River Styx, the band sings You're My Lady. Once he makes it home Penelope asks Odysseus for tales of his adventures, he says "stop suffocating me, I'm going to Moe's"

The title of this story is based on the 2000 movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou? which is also based on Homer's Odyssey. 

Best line from this story "Now throughout history when people get wood they'll think of Trojans". I wonder how they got that past the censors. 

Barny is Bacchus (god of wine) Quimby is Zeus and the Sea Captain is Poseidon. 

Odysseus's crew: Moe, Frink, Lenny, Carl, Apu. 

Moe says "Greece is the word" as a spoof of the musical. 

The Suitors: Willie, Krusty, Kent Brockman, Skinner, Disco Stu, Kirk, Sideshow Mel, Burns.

Helen of Troy is Agnes Skinner

Hot Child In The City

Lisa is Joan Of Arc, Marge is disappointed that they aren't reading a story about Joan Van Ark (best known for playing Valene Ewing on Knott's Landing). Homer says the Hundred Years War was originally called Speedy Resolution. God tells Joan to lead the army to victory over the English. The French are trying to catapult a solider over the walls of a British castle, Joan tells them to use rocks. Milhouse is the king and when Krusty makes a joke about him he's boiled in oil. Just when Joan says she can't be defeated Willie grabs her and she's put on trial by the British. Joan calls God as her witness, Moleman comes in, and opens a trap door in the ceiling. It turns out God also told Willie to lead the British to victory. Joan is burned at the stake. Marge changes the end of the story to Joan being rescued by Sir Lancelot. 

The title of this story is based on the Nick Gilder song of the same name. 

Quimby plays the fake king but the true king is Milhouse. 

Do The Bard, Man

Homer is reading Hamlet. Bart complains that it can't be as good as anything by Stephen Bochco. Bart is Hamlet and visited by the ghost of his dead father, Homer. Hamlet makes a joke about his father being fat but Homer can't strangle him since he's a ghost. Homer was murdered by Claudius, Moe. An improv group shows up and Hamlet gets them to do the murder. Claudius accidentally confesses. Lisa shows up as Ophelia. Hamlet accidentally kills Polonius, Wiggum, who asks his son Laertes, Ralph, to avenge him by killing Hamlet. Before the duel Claudius poisons everything including Lenny and Carl, when they High Five each other they both drop dead. Claudius says Laertes gets one practice stab but he stabs himself and dies. Bart stabs Claudius but slips in his blood and dies. Marge doesn't want to clean the place up so she kills herself with a mace. Homer claims Hamlet was the inspiration for Ghostbusters, the theme song plays while the family dances. 

The title of this episode is based on the 1990 Simpsons song Do The Bart Man

Hamlet has a banner over his bed: Danes do it melancholy. And a pendant: Feudalism. 

When Homer's ghost passes through the wall he leaves slime behind, this is a spoof on Ghostbusters.

Krusty does a "You just might be a Viking" joke, this is a spoof on Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck" jokes. The viking in the front row sets the table next to him on fire and carries off the two women who were sitting there.

Blame It On Lisa

This episode premiered on March 31st 2002. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by Greg The Bunny (A short lived sitcom about Muppet like characters and their off screen life). It ran opposite The ABC Big Picture Show (The 10 Commandments), Max Bickford and Weakest Link. 

The title of the episode is based on the 1984 movie Blame It On Rio

The couch gag is the family are marionette puppets but get tangled up, a cartoon Matt Groening throws down the strings in frustration.

Homer and Bart are watching cartoons when Marge comes in to complain about their phone bill, it seems someone made a $200 call to Brazil, Homer blames Bart and starts strangling him. Homer and Marge head to the phone company to complain about the bill, while there they see the Movie Phone Guy who is hitting  on a woman. The phone company cuts off their service, Homer gets mad when he finds out they found a box of old taco shells at the plant but nobody could call him. Homer tries to plug directly into the box but shocks himself until he falls off the pole. Lisa admits that she called Brazil, she has been sponsoring a boy in the country but he stopped writing to her so she called but he had disappeared. The family heads to Brazil. Bart learns Spanish but the country speaks Portuguese so he bashes himself in the head until he forgets it all. After visiting the orphanage the family splits up to look for Ronaldo. Homer and Bart hop in an unlicensed taxi and get kidnapped, Bart manages to escape. Homer calls Mr. Burns for the ransom money but refuses to work it off. When he calls Moe he asks Homer for money. Carnival starts and Ronaldo shows up at the Flamingo on the kids show. Ronaldo gives the Simpsons the ransom money. They do the transfer on the tram to Sugarloaf, when Homer jumps across the cable snaps and they crash down the mountain and Bart gets swallowed by an anaconda. A salsa version of the theme song plays over the closing credits. 

The Itchy And Scratchy Show: Par For The Corpse. Scratchy is teeing up a ball for Itchy but he comes up from behind and knocks Scratchy's head off. It flies into the moon's eye, Itchy throws out a couple of dollars as a caddy tip. Scratchy's head hitting the eye of the moon is based on the 1902 movie Le Voyage dans la Lune

Homer complains about the number of phone companies and how they keep changing their names. Marge says they are with Comquaaq, Bart says it's Niagular, Marge says they became Vertiqual. Meanwhile Comquaaq is changing their name to Zovuvazz. The phone company has robotic switchboard operators who look like Ernestine, Lilly Tomlin's phone operator character. (if you are a Century Kid you'll probably have to look all that up)

Lindsay Naegle is he service rep for the phone company. 

Homer reads Blue Pants Weekly.

Homer asks Bart if he's been making prank calls to Brazil. This is a reference to the episode Bart vs. Australia.

The Brazilian charity is Li'l Writeoffs. In the video Ronaldo is chased into the orphanage by a pack of angry monkeys. 

Bart says he'll have been on every continent, Lisa says "except Antarctica". Homer says "The Simpsons are going to Antarctica....next year, right now we're going to Brazil"

Lisa reads "Who wants to be a Brazilionaire? This is a spoof on the show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire that ran opposite the Simpsons on several occasions. 

The family stays at the Rio Days-Inn-Ero. This is a spoof on the hotel chain Days Inn and the 1956 Banana Boat Song.

Homer brings a book How To Loot Brazil. 

Bart watches a spoof of Xou da Xuxa, a popular Brazilian children's show with a sexy host. Later he watches Teleboobies. 

The hotel has a fruit hat similar to the one worn by Carmen Miranda, and the mini bar has a hat with Toblerone and alcohol miniature bottles. Bart sings the Chiquita Banana song.

Ronaldo lives at the Orfanato Dos Anjos Imundos (Filthy Angels Orphanage)

Homer asks the orphanage nun if she can fly. This is a reference to the 1967 sitcom The Flying Nun.

Homer and Bart go to Copacabana Beach however Homer's speedo keeps disappearing into his butt crack. 

Homer wears a shirt that says "Try And Stop Us" with an image of Uncle Sam eating the world. 

When heading to the kidnapper's hideout the theme from Miami Vice plays. 

Ronaldo tells Lisa he didn't write to tell her about becoming the Flamingo on the kids show because he didn't know what state she lived in, this is a reference to the long running joke about where the Simpsons live. It's also an in show continuity error because Lisa said she stopped getting letters from Ronaldo so he musth have been writing to her in the past. 

Ronaldo says he makes as much as Malcom In The Middle, the show that followed the Simpsons. 

Homer's kidnapping scrapbook: A toilet paper leaf / A poem about his teeth hurting after he was hit / A poem about his bleeding nose / Homer attacked by bats / being tortured with a lit cigarette.

When the ransom is paid the kidnappers comment that their money sure looks Gay. 

This episode was highly criticized by the Brazilian government for showing the country in such a poor light including poverty, crime and the kidnapping of tourists.

Weekend At Burnsie's 

This episode premiered on April 7th, 2002. It ran in its usual time slot and opposite The ABC Sunday Night Movie (October Sky), a Celine Deon special and Weakest Link

The title of the episode is based on the 1989 movie Weekend At Bernies.

The couch gag is a repeat of the hedge topiaries. 

The family is eating genetically modified vegetables for dinner, developed by Union Carbide. When the potato eats a carrot Marge decides to grow vegetables in their back yard. A flock of crows show up so she makes a scare crow. She puts up some sticks and then goes inside to get some clothes, when she comes out she finds the Flanders praying to the cross. When Homer comes home he thinks the scarecrow is someone in the yard so he attacks it and the crows thing he's their savior so they bring him beer, chips and Playdude magazine. He takes them to the Moe's but gets kicked out. The crows carry off Maggie, she's saved by her diaper turning into a parachute, Homer tells off the crows so they attack him. Dr. Hibbert tells Homer he can try medicinal marijuana to help with his pain Homer flashes back on when he got busted by a drug sniffing dog while in High School. Hibbert offers him a medicinal Wizard or Skull bong. Homer gets Lisa's music when he's stoned. Homer asks Ned the "could Jesus microwave a burrito" question and then wants Ned to read the Bible to him. He ends up signing Ned's petition to re-criminalize medicinal marijuana. Burns is about to give a speech to the stock holders and needs someone to laugh at his jokes, just then a stoned Homer wanders in, Burns promotes him to an executive vice presidency. Homer drives a Mercedes home. When Homer finds out about the criminalization bill he holds a rally however it's on the day after the election and medical marijuana lost. When the police burn all the medical marijuana a crowd shows up to breath in the smoke so Wiggum throws on the hair from the barber shop. Burns calls to make sure Homer is ready for the speech but he doesn't find him funny anymore. Homer offers Waylon a joint to laugh at Burns however they forgot Burns in the tub and he's dead. They decide to do a Weekend At Bernies and Waylon works the dead Burns as a marionette. The wires break so they close the curtain however Burns comes back to life thanks to being jostled around. Burns, Smithers and Homer do a Three Stooges face slap routine. 

The band Phish does their own voices and songs.

While making a scare crow Comic Book Guy does a version of Pop Up Videos (a VH1 program that ran from 1996 to 2002 and featured on screen facts about various music videos) Stuff in the Simpsons Pop Up Videos: Lisa's jersey from Lisa On Ice / Bart's jockey pants from Saddlesore Galactica / Jack-O-Lantern from Treehouse Of Horror III, IX, XII / Grandpa's hat from Who Shot Grandpa's Hat. If I Only Had A Brain from the 1939 movie Wizard Of Oz plays while Marge makes her scarecrow. 

Homer says he was in high school in 1978. 

Incense and Peppermints by Strawberry Alarm Clock plays when Homer tries out marijuana for the first time. Homer plays Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple. Wear Your Love Like Heaven by Donovan plays when Homer is stoned. 

Stuff in the Simpsons attic, Homer's vibrating chair, Led Zeppelin poster, Buddha, Hooks pipe, symbols playing monkey, hockey skate, Dark Side Of The Moon poster / American flag / Einstein sticking out his tongue poster / 8 track stereo / Peace sign

According to the re-criminalization petition the Sea Captain's last name is McCallister.

Protest signs: Save Medical Marijuana / Weed Us Our Rights / Keep Off The Grass (Get It?) 

Phish plays Run Like An Antelope

When they smell something being smoked in the crowd Phish refuses to play until they see a prescription for the marijuana, it turns out to be Moleman.

Line of the episode, Otto "They call them fingers but I never see them fing....oh, there they go"

Homer says marijuana can make anything funny, even that show that follows Friends. In 2002 that was Leap Of Faith. It was a sitcom that ran for 6 episodes. I had to look it up because I don't remember it. In fact its last episode aired three days before this episode of the Simpsons.

Smithers wears a suit once owned by Judy Garland, another Gay reference. 

Bill Clinton shows up at the investors meeting as the paid speaker. The "Clinton was a bad President" joke falls flat, again.

Well, another five episodes down as I edge closer to the 300 mark and closer to an eventual end, although it's hard to say when that will be.