The Simpsons 301-305

Pray Anything

This episode premiered on February 9th 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by a repeat of The Simpsons (The Great Louse Detective). It ran opposite The W.W.O. Disney (Inspector Gadget), Becker and American Dreams

The title comes from the 1989 movie Say Anything.

The chalkboard gag is "SpongeBob is not a contraceptive" and the couch gag is the family sits on the couch but then are picked up like toys by a giant baby.

Homer takes the family to a WNBA game but he's just there for the nachos. The mascot is a basketball in fishnets, when Moe chases it down it turns out to be Gil. The sponsors hold a $50,000 halfcourt shot competition, they call Homer's seat number but it turns out his ticket is for tomorrow's WNFL game. Ned gets to take the shot and makes it, he donates the money to Bibles for Belgiums, the team owner gives him an additional $100,000. When they get to the parking lot Ned's car is blocked in so the stadium lets him drive the Wienermobile home. Homer decides Ned has a secret and plans to find out, by asking. Ned tells Homer how he does it, through clean living, hard work and prayer, so Homer tries prayer. While stuck watching the Ken Burns documentary Homer prays to find the remote and because he's down on his knees he sees it under the couch, and changes the channel to the Monkey Olympics on Fox. Homer sets up a prayer station at work. While driving Homer prays for a new snack and causes an accident between a hot fudge tanker truck and a bacon truck. Homer prays for fixing a clogged sink, Marge calls a plumber who finds roots growing in the pipes. When the plumber points out the problem he notes it's damaging their drywall, which collapses. Homer prays for a new house and then falls into a hole at the church where they are building a new nativity scene. An ambulance chasing lawyer, Larry H. Lawyer Jr., shows up and offers to sue the church.  The church's lawyer shows videos of Homer being accident prone, but the jury awards Homer one million dollars, they can't pay so Homer gets the deed to the church. Homer kicks out the Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, Moe tricks them into coming to his bar. Homer throws a housewarming party, meanwhile Lovejoy holds sermon at the bowling alley, and gets hit by a stray ball, he decides to leave Springfield. Ned gets mad because Homer's party broke all the commandments (gotta wonder who they murdered). Lenny and Carl start worshiping new gods, while Homer's giant bonfire causes a storm. As it starts raining Homer gets stuck by lightning, Ned is happy because flooding starts and he's ready with his ark. The town gets stuck on the roof of the church and decide to sacrifice Homer. Lovejoy shows up with a helicopter and leads everyone in a prayer, the rain stops and the sun comes out. The show ends with Buddha, Colonel Sanders and God hanging out. 

Ken Burns and Lisa Leslie do their own voices.

RE the chalkboard gag, SpongeBob first aired in 1999

Springfield Square Gardens. Tonight:WNBA Basketball. Courtside seats 30 cents.

Homer's ticket is Section A, Row 12, Seat 16 however it's for the WNFL game, The Cowgirls vs. the She-Gles.

In the Ken Burns documentary about Ken Burns he has a Springfield Isotopes pendant on his wall. 

The Monkey Olympics are sponsored by Laramie Cigarette and Omnitouch. The phone company first appeared in the episode Make Room For Lisa.

Johnny Bench's pre-cooked bacon.

When the plumber cracks the drywall it forms the image of Washington Crossing The Delaware by Emanuel Leutze.

First Church Of Springfield sign, God: The Original Tony Soprano / (after Homer takes over) Housewarming Party, Let There Be Light Beer.

While dancing in the church Homer plays I was made for loving by Kiss.

The news shows a photo of Lovejoy, at the bottom is says Photo by Annie Leibovitz.

Arnie Pye does a news story but mostly mocks Kent Brockman until the station cuts to a Technical Difficulties card.

When the Simpsons first went on the air they were condemned by the Religious crowd since Bart had no respect for adults and they often made fun of the various religions. However after this episode aired they praised the program for their pro Christian message. Kind of funny how things had changed in a decade.

Barting Over

This episode premiered on February 16th 2003. The lead in program was a rerun of The Simpsons (How I Spent My Strummer Vacation) and it was followed by a new episode of the series (the next one on this page). It ran opposite The W.W.O. Disney (The Music Man, 2003 version), Becker and American Dreams. 

The opening credits say The Simpsons 300th Episode. See below*

The chalkboard gag is Bart writes "I will not" and then pulls out an axe, destroying the board and the couch gag is the family and the whole living room are made out of ginger bread. Homer leans over and takes a bite out of Bart.

At the Kennedy Centers Honors Walter Cronkite introduces Ornate Coleman, Arthur Miller and Lisa, however it's just a dream and she is woken up by Marge doing her spring cleaning. Bart and Lisa find some old videos and start watching. One is labeled Bart Sad, it turns out to be a commercial for Baby Stink Breath starring Bart, Lisa adds an apostrophe and realizes it says Bart's Ad. When Bart confronts his parents about the commercials Marge says he made a lot of money but Homer admits he spent it on incriminating photos. Bart gets mad and hires a lawyer to divorce from his parents. The lawyer tricks Homer into taking the summons by offering him a side of crispy bacon. The judge rules Bart is emancipated and Homer has to give half his check until Bart is paid back. Bart moves into a loft downtown. Homer makes a dummy of Bart to play baseball with but is electrocuted by a low wire and sets it on fire. Bart gets scared on his first night but accidentally goes to the top floor, only to discover that it's Tony Hawk's apartment where Blink 182 is playing. Homer just happens to be watching the webcam. The family visits Bart to convince him to move home but he tells them he's joined the Skewed tour. Homer asks Tony Hawk to lose a skateoff to him in order to win Bart back. Hawk loans a board to Homer that will do all the stunts for him. Hawk decides to really challenge Homer and they get into a kung fu style skate fight. Homer and Bart are still fighting so Hawk tells Homer to apologize. Lindsay Nagel shows up and puts Homer into a commercial for a bald/impotence drug, Viagrogaine (possible loss of scalp and penis).  Since he humiliated himself for money Bart accepts Homer's apology, he tells Homer nobody will remember it in 50 years, cut to Homer's headstone: Homer Simpson Impotency Spokesman. An old Nelson shows up to laugh at it and then has a coughing spell.

Tony Hawk, Mark Hoppus, Tom DeLonge and Travis Baker do their own voices. Jane Kaczmarek returns as judge Constance Harm

Kennedy Centers Honors Salute 'Em Before They Die

When Lisa is introduced at the Honors Coleman and Miller bow and say "We're not worthy". This is a spoof on Waynes World where Wayne and Garth would do this routine to celebrities and super models.

While cleaning out the garage Maggie is attacked by feral Furbies. They were the "must have" toy of 1998.

Lisa reads from an old book and the Chernabog from Fantasia starts to rise, but she tosses it away and he disappears.

One of the VHS tapes has an episode of Perfect Strangers. The sitcom ran from 1983 to 1986.

Self Aware Joke, Bart says he doesn't remember being in a commercial and then pulls out a Butterfinger. The Simpsons were on Butterfinger commercials from 1988 to 2001.

Self Aware Joke: In court the lawyer uses a Bart doll to have Bart demonstrate where Homer took his money from, Bart turns out the pockets. 

Homer's incriminating photos are a spoof on when Michael Jackson held his son over a hotel balcony rail, except Homer dropped Bart.

Legal firms at the Law Building: Badger, Haggle & Bill / Luvum & Burnham, Family Law / Hackey, Joke & Dunnit

There is an Absolut Krusty billboard on the side of the building Bart moves to. This is a spoof on the Absolut Vodka ads with various artwork featuring their bottle.

When Bart moves into his new apartment the theme from the Mary Tyler Moore show plays. He tosses his hat in the air, in a spoof of her hat toss from the credits, but he throws it into the ceiling fan.

 Bart writes Mr. Awesome on his arm. 

The Skewed Extreme Sports Tour. Music, Mayhem and Mastercard.

Marge asks how many crazy stunts Homer has done, Lisa clicks her counter and says 300, Marge says "I could have sworn it was 302". This is a reference to this episode being referred to as the 300th despite being number 302, see below*

*This episode is called the 300th since it was the 300th produced and Fox wanted a big promotion to run on Feb. 16th, but it was the 302nd episode in release order.

I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can

This episode premiered on February 16 2003. It ran right after the previous episode above and was followed by a Married With Children Reunion Special. It ran opposite The W.W.O. Disney (see above), Everybody Loves Raymond and American Dreams.

The title comes from the 1982 movie I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can.

The couch gag is a repeat of the Etch A Sketch.

Bart is watching TV, a commercial comes on for the Kwik-E-Mart's back to school parking lot blow-out. Bart is watching Boobarella's monster movie but Ray Romano, who plays a ref in the film, sues to stop it from being shown so they cut to a Krusty Burger commercial. Krusty Burger introduces the Ribwich. At the first day of school we find out Nelson and Martin went to Space Camp and became friends, however they are back in the regular world. Skinner starts off the year with a spelling bee, Lisa wins. She gets to go to the state spelling finals, and a model of Mars, which is just a kick ball with the word Mars written on it. Homer goes to Krusty Burger and tries the Ribwich sauce, he becomes instantly addicted. Lisa wins the state finals and is on the way to the Spellympics. Homer goes back to Krusty Burger but finds out that the Ribwich was a limited menu item and they are all gone. A guy tells Homer they are doing a test market in other cities on other dates, Homer plans a Ribwich tour. Lisa gets a double wide locker at school, Ralph loses his. The Spellympics release bees during their opening ceremony and then the Blue Angels spray the crowd with pesticides. Lisa is in the final round but Homer is going to take off to get the last Ribwich in San Francisco. George Plimpton asks Lisa to take a dive so the cute kid can win and they can use him to promote the spelling bee, the offer her a bribe of a free ride at one of the 7 Sisters college. Lisa has a dream that the Seven Sisters are Greek gods trying to bribe her. Krusty shows up at the last Ribwich and has to announce that the animal they made the sandwich from is extinct. Homer gets the last sandwich but trades it off for a car to go see Lisa. Just as Lisa is about to throw the contest Homer shows up to cheer her on. Lisa announces that she was bribed to throw the contest, but spells the word wrong and loses legitimately. When they get home they discover everyone is there to cheer for her because coming in second is the best the town has ever done. They even carved her face into a nearby mountain.

George Plimpton does his own voice in this episode. He says he played the evil dean in Boner Academy. 

Bart watches Booberella, a spoof on Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark. The movie is Frankenstein and the Harlem Globetrotters Meet The Mummy And The Washington Generals, from 1983. Ray Romano appears as a ref in the movie, he starred in Everybody Loves Raymond that was running opposite this episode. Frankenstein says he's bad at basketball because he was made from the corpses of the Denver Nuggets, the team's record was 17 and 63 in 2003.

The Ribwich commercial is a spoof on the Chevy Like A Rock commercial. The Ribwich is a spoof on McDonald's McRib.

Skinner sings "School's back in session" to the tune of Alice Cooper's School's Out For Sumer

Space Camp is a real thing held in Huntsville Alabama since 1982.

Ribwich, now without lettuce. 

Ribwich tour: September, 13 San Antonio / 20 Atlanta / October 28 Boston / 30 Springfield / November 6 San Francisco. (according to the tour dates Homer only has one more place he can go, San Francisco). The Ribwich groupies are like the Grateful Dead "Deadheads". 

Kent Brockman reports that 3M and M&M have merged to form....Ultradyne Systems. 

Marge wears an apron that says Jim Neighbors Is Way Cool, challenging the I before E rule. 

Barney, who has been sober since the episode Days Of Wine And D'hoses (three years earlier) has a relapse. 

Lisa goes for a jog and the town cheers her on as she runs up the court house steps, this is a spoof from Rocky II (I had to edit Wikipedia to put this on their page, people hate when I do that so we'll see if it stays)

Spellympic Village A Place For Dorks. The spellympic stadium has the Olympic Rings with the vowels in them.

Lisa's dream about the 7 Sisters trying to bribe her comes from the story of Paris having to pick which Greek goddess is the prettiest and they each try to bribe him to pick her, thus resulting in the Trojan War.

Homer holds up a sign that says English Spelling Promotes Nowledge, ESPN.

I Put A Spell On You by Screamin' Jay Hawkins plays during the spelling bee montage and over the closing credits.

Krusty says "What a long strange promotion this has been", a reference to the Grateful Dead song Long Strange Trip.

A guy asks Homer to "turn him on" but Homer says "Don't Borgnine my sandwich". This is a reference to the slang "Don't Bogart my joint". 

A Star Is Born Again

This episode premiered on march 2nd 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and was followed by a repeat of The Simpsons (The Dad Who Knew Too Little). It ran opposite I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, My Big Fat Greek Life and American Dreams.

The title is based on the various A Star Is Born Movie (except for the 2018 version which was 15 years in the future) and the Born Again Christian slogan.

The plot of this episode is taken from the 1999 film Notting Hill.

The couch gag is a repeat of the marionette family.

The family is on the way to the beach where Springfield is celebrating the return of the red jellyfish. Ned is feeling alone since it's his first Jellyfish Fest without Maude. He goes back to his store where he meets Sara Sloane, he doesn't realize she's a movie star until he walks by a poster for My Best Friend's Gay Baby. After a date the paparazzi invade Ned's house and make up stories about him. Ned shows up at a movie set and objects to a nude scene. Ned uses a Cher-crow to keep the paparazzi at his house while they are having dinner at the Simpsons, however Moe shows up with questions for the Weekly World News and then Rainer Wolfcastle tries to get Sara to come back. Sara asks Ned to come to Hollywood but he freaks out about it and imagines Rod and Todd convert to Judaism and become producers. When he turns her down she decides to move to Springfield. Sara joins the book club but she's the only one who read Bridge Jones' Diary and invites Helen Fielding. Sara says she wants to "cuddle" with Ned but he doesn't want to engage in premarital sex. After the wind blows away most of Ned's Bible reasons to not have sex they do the nasty in the woods. Ned offers to marry Sara but she doesn't want to, but then gets married to and divorces another guy. The single women start hitting on Ned and then they end with the Benny Hill chase bit. 

Helen Fielding and James L. Brooks do their own voices and Marisa Tomei plays Sara Sloane.

Lisa is reading Modern Sandcastle Magazine which has a picture of a girl making the Sydney Opera House, meanwhile Bart is reading Bad Boy's Life which has the same photo as Lisa's magazine except it's a kid kicking down the opera house. These are spoofs on Modern Architect and Boy's Life magazines.

Marge uses SPF 1000 sunscreen on Maggie.

Self Aware Joke: Mayor Quimby says the town celebrates the third Tuesday of May Sweeps. A reference to Sweeps Week when programs put out their best shows in hopes of being nominated for an Emmy award.

Springfield Shopper headline: Lonely Men Die Early.

Mall stores: Expensive Coffee In Little Cups / I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm

Bloaters At The Squidport.

The National Whoops: Sara Lives In Sin, mess.

Sara Sloane in The Zookeeper's Wife / Sleeping With Pinocchio / Honey I Scotchgarded The Kids

Ned says he hasn't been that happy since they stole the 2000 election. (Prediction about the 2020 election?)

Helen Fielding says most Americans don't understand the subtlety of British Humor and then cuts to a Benny Hill high speed chase scene complete with Yakety Sax playing.

The Springfield Bowl. John Williams Conducts The Music of Itchy and Scratchy.

I don't think I've seen this episode before. And if I did I intentionally forgot it. It was another one in which they set up a premise, skipped around with several jokes and then said "well, it's over". 

Mr. Spritz Goes To Washington

This episode premiered on March 9th 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by Oliver Beene (a short lived sitcom about an average American kid living an average American life). It ran opposite The W.W.O Disney (Tarzan), My Big Fat Greek Life and American Dreams.

The title of this episode comes from the 1939 film Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.

The couch gag is a repeat of the time traveling remote control

The house starts shaking and the Simpsons discover that they are on the flight path for the Springfield Airport. After a month the place is falling apart so the family decides it's time to move, Kookie Quan is the real estate agent. Homer and Marge go to see congressman Horace Wilcox but he drops dead so a special election is planned, Bart comes up with the idea to get Krusty to run for congressHe tells Krusty that he can get out of his legal problems if he was in congress. At a fundraiser dinner Krusty says for a $1000 he'll have somebody wacked, and then claims it was just a joke (boy did they predict the trump Presidency with this one). The Democrats show bigoted and offensive jokes from Krusty's show. Lisa convinces Krusty to connect with regular families. Fox News holds a debate where they run a communist flag behind Armstrong, Krusty's opponent, and devil horns on him. The Moderator spends the entire time insulting the Democratic candidate and then concludes with a schmaltzy political campaign for Krusty. Krusty the Clown wins the election (did The Simpsons predict Lauren Boebert?) When he gets to Washington Krusty discovers that Freshman congressmen have zero power. He is assigned to the committee to design dollar coins nobody will use (The Presidential Dollar Coins started in 2007, another Simpson prediction). The Simpsons show up and convince Krusty to push for the bill to get the flight plan changed from over their house, the House janitor shows up to help (it's Walter Mondale. Oh Google him ya Century Kids). The Simpsons blackmail, bribe, sneak the bill into an existing bill and get members of congress drunk to get the bill passed. The flights are rerouted. 

Homer and Bart watch The Three Stooges in Brittle Boneheads. Directed by Jules White III. Jules White was the original producer of The Three Stooges, he passed away in 1985.

Self Aware Joke: A promo for Joe Millionaire on Fox run across the bottom of the screen. Homer eats the letters.

Airplane banner: Mafia Staff Jet-Keep-A You Hands Off (that joke didn't age well). Fat Tony is crying while watching the 2002 movie The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Airport Complaint Department: Sarcastic Grief Counselors On Duty

Quimby is at the Ye Olde Off Ramp Inn. It was first seen in the episode Homer's Night Out. He comments that with the planes rerouted he can hear his mistresses voice for the first time and regrets building her that opera house, this is a reference to the 1941 film Citizen Kane. 

The family visits Representative Horace Wilcox "Your Man Of Tomorrow Since 1933" This is a spoof on Strom Thurman, the longest serving member of congress. Thurman would die three months later.

At the Republican meeting they announce all the things they've named after Reagan. He died in 1989 and the Republicans were trying to get something important named after him in every state. Also the Simpsons predicted trump running for President so he could pardon himself from all his own crimes. During his speech Krusty makes funny sounds. It's like they had a time machine and saw trump.

Springfield Town Hall sign board: Big Debate Tonight. Kids Get Bored For Free

Krusty appears on the back of a train car, this is a spoof on the classic whistlestop campaigns of the past. 

"Welcome to Fox News, your voice for evil: The crawl across the bottom of the screen: Pointless News Crawls Up 37 Percent / Do Democrats Cause Cancer? Find Out At FoxNews.com / Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer / DOW Down 5000 Points / Study: 92 Percent Of Democrats Are Gay / JFK Posthumously Joins Republican Party / Oil Slicks Found To Keep Seals Young, Supple / Dan Quayle: Awesome

Images of Krusty in his commercial: Planting the flag on the Moon / raising the flag on Iowa Jima / blocking the tank at Tiananmen Square / Jack Ruby shooting Lee Harvey Oswald (Krusty is Detective Leavelle)

Krusty spends election night at the Second Best Western Hotel. It was first seen in the episode Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade.

Krusty's first job in congress is scrubbing the Martin Van Buren is a Wiener graffiti off the House chamber wall. (Did the Simpsons predict the vandalism of the Jan. 6th riot?) The wall also says Grover Cleveland sucks....

Washington bar, The Drinkin' Memorial (with a picture of Lincoln holding a beer).

Scroll over closing credits: Ashcroft Declares Breast Of Chicken Sandwich "Obscene" / Hillary Clinton Embarrasses Self, Nation / Bible Says Jesus Favored Capital-Gains Cuts (is that in the new trump Bible?) / Stay Tuned For Hannity And Idiot (back when Alan Colmes was still part of Fox News) / Only Dorks Watch CNN / Jimmy Carter: Old, Wrinkly, Useless /  Brad Pitt + Albert Einstein = Dick Cheney / Right Wing Of Chicken Healthy

After parodying the propaganda scrolls on Fox News the network forbid The Simpsons from doing them again. 

This was another episode I had never seen. They made a lot of jokes about the Republican Party and most of them are true today. Trump is running so he can pardon himself from his crimes, they elected several clowns to congress and they aren't interested in passing meaningful legislation that helps Americans, just stuff that sounds good to the voting public. Look at me, getting all political over a Simpsons episode. I hope the next one is funny so I can get past this.

We've reached another 5 Simpsons episodes down. I am definitely moving into the era where I didn't see the episodes either in their original run or on repeats. At this point in 2003 I'd see a promotion for The Simpsons and think "Is that show still on?" And look where we are in 2024.