The Simpsons 366-370

Homer's Paternity Coot

This episode premiered on January 8th 2006. The lead in show was a repeat of The Simpsons (Last Of The Red Hat Mamas) and was followed by The War At Home. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 60 Minutes and The West Wing.

The title comes from the legal procedure Paternity Suit. 

The chalkboard gag is "I am not smarter than the President" and the couch gag is a photographer comes in and takes the family's photo, we then see a montage of the family over the years, 2006 modern family / 2007 pretty much the same / 2008 just came back from Homer's funeral / 2009 teen Bart and Lisa, Lenny has taken Homer's place / 2010, Carl has taken Marge's place / 2011, Marge is back and Jimbo is now in Homer's place / 2012 Robotic Homer / 2013 Robotic family. (2013 was 11 years ago btw)

The Simpsons are watching a commercial with a family crying over their house engulfed in flames, it turns out to be an ad for the Smoke Damage Outlet Store. Today only, meet Smokin' Joe Frazier. "I'm only here because my name has Smoke in it". Marge rushes to the store but discovers the city has converted the route to toll road and it costs 75 cents. She decides to take The Old Cheapskate Trail. Quimby wants to force the drivers to take the toll road but he won't let Wiggum shoot anyone. The town puts up tire spikes and blockades across the exit. Marge refuses and tries to back up causing tire damage for everyone behind her. All the damaged tires are throw on the tire fire which causes the glacier on Mt. Springfield to melt. They discover a frozen mailman, Frink determines he's from the 1960's. They go through the bag of undelivered mail,  Mr. Largo's letter is his acceptance to Juilliard and Moe's says he isn't allergic to pollen so he runs to the park to play. There is a letter for Grandma Simpson and it's from her secret lover saying he's the father of Homer. Homer tries to think up good qualities to defend Abe as his father but can't come up with any. Lisa suggests a DNA test but Abe refuses and heads to the mall to talk to people throwing away their trash. Homer finds the name Mason Fairbanks at the library. To find Mason, Homer pretends to be a reporter asking questions about people who wear sweaters. Mason is a sea salvager, finding sunken treasure and his boats is named "The Son I Never Knew". Homer starts to screw up his story so he confesses that he may be Mason's son. Mason is looking for the lost emeralds of Piso Mojado (Wet Floor). The family has a great time with Mason but then come home to find Abe waiting, Marge insists on a paternity test. Hibbert's test reveals that Mason is Homer's real father. Mason and Homer go in a submersible to look for the lost treasures. Homer gets lost and follows a glowing fish, he gets stuck in a coral reef and is running out of oxygen. He passes out and remembers the good times with Abe. He wakes up in the hospital after being in a coma for three days, he tells Abe that he considers him his real dad. It turns out that Abe switched the labels on the DNA sample since Mason seemed like a better father. In the closing credit scenes Mason teaches Homer that the stove is hot.

Michael York does the voice of Mason Fairbanks. William H. Macy and Joe Frazier do their own voices.

This is the first chalkboard gag since the episode The Bonfire Of The Manatees on September 11th, 2005. It is a reference to President Bush Jr. 

The tollbooth operator is reading PlayBooth magazine. A spoof on Playboy.

Springfield Tire Fire, now smelled in 46 states.

Johnny Cash's Burning Ring Of Fire plays while the new tires are being thrown on the heap.

Homer tries to figure out someone who's name starts with an M. He says it might be M. Night Shaymalan and a twist worthy of his ever increasingly horrible films. In 2004 Shaymalan had released The Village (44% Rotten Tomatoes Score) and 6 months later would release The Lady In The Water. (25% Rotten Tomatoes Score)

When Homer wonders about his father, Time After Time by Cindi Lauper plays. He imagines playing catch with a giant question mark, he throws the ball through a window and an angry exclamation point comes out.

Library books: Springfield Lifeguards Of the 20th Century / Springfield Night Watchmen Of The 20th Century / Springfield Fry Cooks A-E

Homer's fake reporter notes: Daddy Smell Good / Too Soon For Hug?

Jimbo, Dolph and Kerney host The Bully Hour on Springfield Public Access TV. This was two months before the launch of YouTube. Their guest is William H. Macy, they beat him up. 

DNA sample labels: Same Ol' Grandpa / Suave New Stranger

Dr. Hibbert has a t shirt for Homer. On the front it says #1 Son and on the back World's Biggest Bastard.

Underwater stuff: Leaking barrels of nuclear waste / Mutant Fish / Dead mobster in cement shoes 

Heart transplants recipients list. Montgomery Burns / Jasper Bearldy (this is the first time we see his last name) / Old Jewish Guy / Jebediah Springfield IV

We're On The Road to D'ohwhere

This episode premiered on January 29th 2006. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by The War At Home. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Dateline NBC.

The title comes from the 1985 Talking Heads song Road To Nowhere.

The chalkboard gag is "The teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual" and the couch gag is the Bonanza map, the family come riding up on horses just like on the opening of the classic western TV show. (The Ponderosa, a prequel series, was running on PAX opposite The Simpsons in 2006)

Skinner buys a 1995 Camry, meanwhile Bart is snooping through his desk and finds his secret diary and Dance Contest Submission Tape (Skinner is in a roller disco outfit), there is also the key to the steam tunnels under the school, Bart steals it. Moe announces he's taking the bar regulars on a party bus to Vegas, it turns out he sued the rope company when it broke while he was trying to hang himself and got a large settlement. In the steam tunnels Bart and Milhouse find a crack in the wall and it looks in on the cafeteria loading dock, they are excited to see that they are having pizza tomorrow, Grade "D" Frozen Pizza. The boys find the main valve room, they turn the smallest one that causes a systemwide breakdown, the school is flooded with steam. The steam brings the frogs in the dissection class back to life and they attack the kids, it rusts the instruments so all the kids have to sing "bum bum bum".  Skinner catches Bart and they plan to send him to Upward Bound, a reform camp. When Homer tries to put Bart on the flight to Portland he finds out that Bart is on the No Fly list however Homer decides to drive him all the way. While Homer and Bart are gone Marge digs through their stuff to hold a yard sale, Lisa finds a collection of Malibu Stacey heads. At a diner Bart and Homer laugh at the father and son in the booth next to them. While Bart goes to the restroom Homer orders the big breakfast and after eating discovers that Bart didn't come back. Homer thinks Bart crawled out the window and gets stuck trying to go after him, however Bart was hiding in the stall and goes to tells the cook that Homer is trying to dine and dash,  the cook goes into the restroom and hits Homer with a frying pan while Bart takes off. The only money Marge makes off the yard sale is from Flanders buying back his own stuff. Otto shows up and buys Homer's expired drugs, soon the yard is full of people buying stuff, and pills. Homer sees Bart hitchhiking but is distracted and drives to the edge of a cliff. Only Bart can save him and Homer has to promise to treat him well but when Bart pushes down Homer threatens him, Bart keeps teeetertottering Homer. Marge gets busted by the police for drug dealing. Homer chains Bart into the car and drops him off at the camp where they say they'll make his childhood go away. Homer starts to drive to Vegas to meet up with the bar regulars but starts to have second thoughts about the camp and decides to break Bart out. Bart actually starts to learn to be better when Homer shows up, they head to Vegas. Lisa comes home to hear a message from Marge saying she needs $10,000 in bail and another from Homer saying he is in a Vegas jail, Bart has taken off again. Lisa figures she'll start looking for work in the morning. A Vegas show version of the theme song plays over the credits.

State Comptroller Atkins joins in the discussion about the school damage. His first appearance was in the episode Lisa Gets An A in 1998

Upward Bound is a spoof on the Outward Bound program and the wilderness reform camps. Most of the camps were shut down when it was discovered there were widespread cases of abuse and even death.

Road Sign: You are leaving Springfield, Land Of Milhouse. 

Self aware joke, when Homer is complaining about driving to Oregon he calls it the Birthplace of Matt Groening, the creator of The Simpsons. Later Homer drives through the log cabin that is Matt Groening's childhood home. 

Homer imagines "Fun Homer" being held by glowing rings while "Serious Homer" guards him. Off to the side is the body of "Intellectual Homer", written in his own blood is Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. (This is a theory about evolution)

Lisa's yard sale sign: Yard Sale / Venta De Garaje. 

Mt. Rushmore, 20 Feet Out Of Your Way, Homer drives on by. 

Homer and Bart go to Skobo's diner. It was first mentioned in the episode The Bonfire Of The Manatees.

CBG comes to the yard sale and buys Homer's Mr Plow jacket.

Mr. Smithers buys all of Marge's old estrogen pills. I wonder what they mean by that joke. 

Lenny is riding the roller coaster at Gold Diggers casino and Nero's Palace is seen in the background. These were first seen in the episode Viva Ned Flanders. The roller coaster has a dinosaur fossil as part of the background, this is from the Disneyland ride Big Thunder Mountain. There is also a volcano like the one at the former Mirage casino. 

Bart's hitchhiker sign: Marine Home For Christmas.

This episode set up a lot of story lines but then does the "well it's over" bit and ends with no real conclusion. 

My Fair Laddy

This episode premiered on February 26th 2006. The lead in show was NASCAR (Auto Club 500) and it was followed by The War At Home. It ran opposite Dancing With The Stars, Cold Case and the XX Winter Olympics Closing Ceremonies. 

The title and plot are based on the 1964 musical My Fair Lady.

The couch gag is a repeat of the claymation one.

The school gets a new gym teacher Coach Krupt who teaches the kids about the game of Bombardment (Dodge Ball). Homer destroyed his pants at the Go-Kart track and now has to find a new pair in the pants district. Bart decides to get revenge on the coach by freezing a dodge ball, when he throws it he misses, it goes through a window and smashes into Willie's shack who then throws the ball and destroys the school tractor. Bart is punished by helping Willie rebuild his shack, Marge invites Willie to spend the night at their house. When Lisa asks Willie if he wants something better he sings a version of Wouldn't It Be Loverly (Wouldn't it be Adequate). Lisa decides to reform Willie in time for the science fair. Homer found out that his favorite pants are no longer made after a bad Super Bowl ad. Homer promises to create a new ad although he has no ideas on what to do. When the bullies see Lisa trying to make a gentleman out of Willie they make a bet about Kerney going around the world in 80 Days (a Jules Verne novel), Kerney sets off to Istanbul in a hot air balloon. Homer gets a tattoo on the back of his head "Buy Big Blue Pants". While training Willie they do a version of The Rain In Spain and when they kick Homer out of the room he sings "I'm Getting Blue Pants In The Morning", a version of Get Me To The Church On Time. Willie shows up at the science fair as G. K. Willington Esquire while wearing a white tux. Willie sings about being indoors all night to the tune of I Could Have Danced All Night. Bart tries to get Willie to crack in order to win the bet but nothing works. Skinner is about to announce the winner of the science fair so Lisa reveals that Willington is Willie. Once Lisa has won the science fair she has no more training for Willie, she gets him a job at the Gilded Truffle maitre-d. After his success with Blue Pants Homer gets more tattoos, Buzz Cola, Maine Potatoes, Re-elect Fourth Circuit Judge Chavez. Willie sings a song about missing his old life to the tune of On The Street Where You Live. At the restaurant Krusty gets insulting so Willie attacks him and returns to his old job. He starts to sing Heaven but Skinner makes him stop. Lisa adds the sign Home Sweet Home to Willie's new shack but he smashes it because he liked the place the way it was. the exit music from My Fair Lady plays over the closing credits.

Mrs. Pommelhorst is taking a leave of absence and will return as Mr. Pommelhorst in the fall. She was first mentioned in the episode The PTA Disbands.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story came out in 2004.

Stores in the pants district, No Blue Pants / Rainbow Of Pants -No Blue / Blue Pants Cafe - We Do Not Sell Blue Pants

When Bart plans to throw the frozen dodge ball at the coach he gives a version of the sergeant's bathroom speech from the 1987 movie Full Metal Jacket

Willie is reading The New York Review of Mops.

The Simpsons have a restroom under the stairs. This is the first, or only time it's ever been seen. 

Homer goes to Worldwide Pants. Their sign says "We Had The Name Before Letterman" in the early days of Late Night, David Letterman would use the Brandiff Airlines logo but was sued since it's still copyrighted so he created his own production company Worldwide Pants. Worldwide Pants (the Simpsons version) is run by Eli Stern VI. 

Big Blue Pants uses Henry Mancini's Baby Elephant March song in their Super Bowl ad. "Big Blue Pants, when you just don't care anymore" The commercial is a reference to the creepy Calvin Klein ads of 1995, that people associated with exploitation porn.

Lisa reads Common-Slob to Brahmin Snob: A Guide to Etiquette / Genteel Ben's Guide to Etiquette.

Moe has a billboard above the bar, "Ladies Go Out With Moe" it almost works until the jaw from his face falls off.

At the science fair Tales Of The Vienna Woods by Strauss plays. 

Willie tells Mrs. Krabappal that he'd be delighted to dine with her on the 12th, while writing Boink Slut in his date book. 

Krusty's girlfriend is Charity Titters. A spoof on Brittany Spears. 

Mr. Largo becomes the new grounds keeper until Willie's return.

The Seemingly Never-Ending Story

This episode premiered on March 12th 2006 and ran in the same time slot and opposite the same programs as the previous episode. 

The title comes from the 1984 movie The NeverEnding Story 

The couch gag is the couch comes by on a conveyor belt, Homer is lowered down by a claw and then the couch zips off.

The family goes to Carl's Dad Caverns. Homer tries to chip off a piece of a stalactite and causes a hole to open up, the family falls down it and Homer gets stuck hanging upside down. While Marge and Bart try to find a way out Lisa tells Homer a story about her day. Lisa encounter a sheep which threatens her and chases her into Burns house. They run for their lives while it destroys everything in its path. While hiding in the attic Burns starts telling a story about how he worked at Moe's. Burns is a member of the Excluder's Club, the YeeHaw Texan teases Burns which ends up as a duel but instead they decide to have a scavenger hunt, each guy has to get 10 items. The last item Burns needs is a photo with a smiling child but everyone is terrified of him. The YeeHaw Texan gets a photo with Jimbo. Burns loses everything and winds up working at Moe's. Burns finds a letter from Moe about his hidden treasure. In the letter Moe tells the story about getting hit by a bus that Mrs. Krabappal has just arrived in Springfield on, she tells Moe her ex was a drunk and hates bars. He claims to be a therapist for alcoholics and kicks all the regulars out of the bar. Moe dates Krabappal and things are going great until the bar patrons show up so he threatens them. He plans on leaving Springfield and take Krabappal with him. Snake shows up with a bag of gold coins, he tells the story about how he was an honest archeologist. Moe says the museum is closed so Snake goes across the street to the motel. Moe breaks into his room and steals his gold coins which turns Snake into a criminal. Moe and Krabappal are about to leave town but she has to go to the school and quit and she tells the story about the first time she met Bart. Bart tells Krabappal that he's a screwup and everyone likes Lisa better so she vows to get him through the 4th grade. It turns out that Bart was lying as a cover while Nelson stole microscopes. Krabappal tells Moe that she has to stay so he tells her off and throws her stuff out into the street. He pumped all the gold coins into the juke box to play Fly Me To The Moon over and over. Burns steals the gold to pay off the Texan however to get the plant back he still has to get a photo with a smiling child. Just then the ram breaks into the attic and knocks down Burns, however it was just trying to return Lisa's lost necklace, it then tells the story of how it found it hanging on a tree. To thank Burns Lisa takes a photo with Burns while smiling. Burns gets his plant back, Homer comes crashing through the cave and confesses that he was searching for Moe's stolen coins. He tells the story about how the Texan hid the gold coins in the cave. The Texan shows up looking for the gold followed by Burns and then Snake. Everyone stands around pointing their guns at each other until Marge takes then away and tells them off. She dumps the coins down a deep crack. Snake takes everyone to Shelbyville to help with a youth center, except for Burns who is trying to climb down after the gold coins. However the whole story is being told by Bart as an excuse why he didn't study for his geography test. Skinner doesn't believe him until he looks out and sees Krabappal kissing Moe. 

Maurice LaMarche does the voice of Commander McBragg, the umpire in the scavenger hunt. The character comes from the 1960's cartoon series Tennessee Tuxedo.

Carl's Dad Caverns - Discovered in 1956 by Carl's Dad. This is a spoof on Carlsbad Caverns and has the image of Carl's Dad on the sign. 

The local Native American tribe is the Anahoopi and their god is Tsisnajini.

When Homer gets stuck Marge says they'll get the fireman who cut him out of the teacup ride. In the episode Today I Am A Clown CBG gets stuck in the Teacup Ride.

Pastoral Number 6 by Beethoven plays while Lisa tells her story.

When Burns forgets his password to his panic room it asks him for his place of birth and he types in Pangaea. It emails his password to him. Pangaea is the theoretical super continent that existed 200 million years ago and was split apart into the modern continents by tectonic plates and continental drift. 

Stuff in Burns attic, a big wheel bicycle / candlestick phone / Moe's Tavern Employee Of The Month photo 

Members of the Excluder's Club: Burns / Kent Brockman / Aristotle Amandopolis / Commander McBragg  / Rainer Wolfcastle / Uncle Moneybags / Roger Meyers Jr. / the YeeHaw Texan / Leopold

When challenged to the scavenger hunt the YeeHaw Texan says he's going to win a nucular plant. This is a mocking of George Bush jr. who constantly said "nucular"

Scavengers list: Blue Rose / Suspender (They steal from Lenny) / The Letter "I" (they steal from the Springfield sign) / Peruvian Cockroach / Lard Lad / Tombstone (Burns steals Frank "Grimy" Grimes)  / Homer Hair / Picture of Yourself with Smiling Child / There is something else on the list "Wood" but half the word is covered up so you can't see the rest.

Burns family headstones: Rutherford Burns / Stewart Burns / Cotton Burns / Mildred Burns / Agatha Burns. 

Burns first paycheck withholdings: Federal W/D $11.00 / FICA $10.63 / Medicare $8.00 / State W/H $3.50 / Moe's Special FICA $140.00 

When Moe is dating Krabappal Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra plays. They go to The Cloth Napkin for dinner. 

The Moeview Motel is across the street from Moe's. 

Self aware joke, Bart tells Mrs. Krabappal that he won't even make it through the 4th grade. He had been in the fourth grade for 18 years at this point, however he had graduated from the 4th grade in the episodes, Kamp Krusty /The Summer Of 4'2" / The Secret War Of Lisa Simpson.

Bart spray paints "Munch My Butt" on the wall of Springfield Elementary. 

Snake's son is named Jeromy. 

Bart Has Two Mommies

This episode premiered on March 19th 2006. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and was followed by The War At Home. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and The West Wing.

The title is based on the 1989 book Heather Has Two Mommies.

The couch gag is the couch is protected by a laser grid and the family has to work their way through it, it cuts Homer's head off. 

The family goes to the church's fundraiser carnival. Bart wants to know why God needs money all the time so Homer tells him it's a lot of little things, plus all the other planets he has to support. There is a mirror that shows you what you'll look like in hell, Lisa sees herself withering away while Burns sees himself with a crown and scepter, his candy apple looks like Smithers head on a stick. The reason they are raising funds is to build a taller steeple than the one on the snotty Episcopal church, pretty much describes every religious structure in the world. The big finale of the day is a rubber duck race, first prize is a home computer. Homer brings a gun and shoots other ducks but his duck goes towards the old mill. Homer is just about to win when a real duck drags off his rubber duck, he manages to get his back and throws it across the finish line, however it turns out to be the real duck and Ned wins, however he gives it to Marge because he doesn't want to be "googled". Marge asks Ned if he needs any favors and asks her to watch Rod and Todd, the last baby sitter let them watch Comedy Central and now Rod is afraid Rita Rudner is in his closet. Randy Johnson is selling left handed bears at the South Paw Convention. Marge enjoys her time with Rod and Todd while Lisa and Bart are bike jousting. Homer shows up in a letterman jacket to make out with Marge while she's babysitting, they snuggle on the couch however Ned comes home and Homer runs away. Lisa wants to go to the actor animal retirement home but it's just a bunch of old animals in cages. Outside is a sad ape, Toot-Toot, she was in the movie Teen Tarzan's Eco-Adventure. Toot-Toot kidnaps Bart. When Ned comes home he finds the pull thread from a Band-Ade and wants to know what happened, Rod cut himself on the knife from Christian Clue, The Secular Human did it in the Schoolhouse with Misinformation (picture of a dinosaur). Marge asks where Bart is, he's still in the ape cage. Marge takes Rod and Todd to a play center but Ned comes to spy on her. Rod is enjoying the rock climbing wall until Ned shows up and panics, causing him to slip and fall. Ned accuses Marge of being a bad mother, she starts to defend herself when a news story comes on about Bart being held by the monkey. Homer tries to shoot a tranquilizer dart through a blow tube but swallows it by mistake. Ned goes super crazy on safety and won't let the kids do anything, they want Marge back. Bart starts to enjoy Toot-Toot's attention so Marge charges in and begs for the return of Bart, however Toot-Toot escapes. Toot Toot climbs the new church steeple, Reverend Lovejoy tries to comfort Marge by showing her the dedication plaque, The Bart Simpson Memorial Steeple. Lisa shows up with Mr. Teenie, Toot Toot's son and offers him in exchange. Rod climbs the steeple even though Ned tells him he's going to fall. Marge convinces Ned to cheer him on. When climbing down the church steeple Bart says he doesn't want to touch Rod's hand because it's "Gay", Rod doesn't know what that means so Bart tells him it means to be unafraid so he shouts out that he's Gay and Marge made him that way. In the closing credits Maude is looking down from heaven while Bob Hope makes jokes and God laughs. 

Antonio Fargas does the voice of Huggy Bear, Dave Thomas does Bob Hope. Susan Sarandon and Randy Johnson do their own voices.

Church Fundraiser (carnival) This Does NOT Count As Church. Whack -A-Moses / Holy Roller Coaster / Tunnel Of Abstinence / Halo Toss Three Throws For a Buck / See What You Look Like In Hell.

The grand prize at the church carnival is a new feMac, a computer designed just for women. It's a spoof on a Mac computer. It's a modern one with no tower. The "You've got mail" voice is Susan Sarandon, before the whole 2016 thing.

Rock Of Ages plays during the rubber duck race.

Homer in the old mill is a spoof on the 1937  Disney cartoon The Old Mill

Marge has a Flanders-English Dictionary to figure out what Ned is saying. 

Left Handed Convention. Today's Seminar -- Ambidextrous: Lefties in Denial? 

When Rod and Todd discover the teeter totter Beethoven's Ode To Joy plays.

Marge watches Los Voices Latinos hosted by Bumblebee Man. In the middle of discussing government they are attacked by a wrestler and giant taco with squirt guns. 

Dated reference, the family has a DVD player but all Homer watches is the words Insert DVD bouncing around the screen. 

Lisa wants to go to an animal actor retirement home, Golden Cages. SLH runs off and comes back wearing shoes. Aging Animal House (a spoof on the 1978 film Animal House) Visit our Cemetery of Lassies. (there were 9 dogs that played Lassie, only one was female). Animals at the home: Babe (now a fat boar) / The AFLAC duck / Huggy Bear From Starsky And Hutch (the actual actor)

Ruffintumble's Fun Zone. Ball Pit Dredged For Homeless Daily / Mt. Verticool rock climbing wall.

While child proofing the back yard Ned sings a version of Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N Roses, Welcome To The Jungle Gym.

Kent Brockman does a story on the death of the Hamburgerler followed by Simpson The Chimp Son.

Reunited by Peaches and Herb plays when Toot-Toot and Mr. Teenie get back together. 

Mr. Teenie's real name is Louis. 

When Krusty says he needs a new sidekick he suggests Tom Green. His MTV show had been cancelled in 2000 and he divorced Drew Barrymore in 2002. 

This show ran 10 years before the Harambe incident in which a kid fell into a gorilla enclosure and the zoo keepers shot it to save the boy.

Bob Hope passed away in 2003 at the age of 100.

We've come to the end of another 5 episode. The first three were so so but the last two were more like classic Simpsons. We've reached an era of a mix bag. Will the show redeem itself? I guess we'll find out.