The Simpsons 381-385

Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em

This episode premiered on September 24th, 2006. The lead in show was the NFL Post Game Show and it was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Amazing Race and Football Night In America.

The title of the episode comes from the 1990 album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em by MC Hammer

The couch gag is Ralph runs into the living room where a vending machine is set up, he puts in his change and gets a Homer figure, and bites its head off. 

The family heads to the Springfield Mall but it's pretty run down, the L at the end of the name is barley hanging on. Homer buys a set of do it yourself books. Meanwhile someone at school has a peanut allergy so they are banned from school, when Marge checks Bart's lunchbox she finds a peanut butter sandwich, trail mix with peanuts and a copy of Good Grief, More Peanuts by Charles Shultz (a real book btw). Marge gets mad at Homer for not actually using the fix it book however when she steps on a loose floorboard and breaks the nightstand she gets out the books and figures out how to fix them herself and becomes hooked on fixing and building things. Lisa suggests that Marge go into business as a carpenter, all the guys reject her so she gets Homer to show up at the jobs and then she takes over. Groundskeeper Willie is doing a search of all the kids for peanuts and accidentally lets Bart know that it's Skinner and so Bart starts acting up. The women at the home center mock Marge so she gets pissed, even more so when Lenny and Carl mock women and then crash the tool cabinet she's hiding in down the hill. The mayor wants Homer to repair the old roller coaster and Marge has had enough so she quits. Homer tries to do the job by hiring a crew but he doesn't know anything about carpentry and they all quit when they find out they won't be paid. Skinner has a nightmare about peanuts, he breaks into Dr Hibbert's office and finds out what Bart is allergic to. Homer builds a model of the roller coaster but it catches on fire when he tries it out, Lisa tells Homer to be honest.  Bart and Skinner have a battle with their allergies on the ends of sticks, Bart with a peanut and Skinner with shellfish. Bart and Skinner fall into a vat of peanut shrimp and both have massive reactions. When Homer unveils his roller coaster he pops open a bottle of champaign and it causes a break in the ride, Homer decides to prove the ride is safe by going on it however there are massive problems with it, Marge rushes in and fixes things before he goes by, he finally confesses the truth. After Homer gets to the end the whole ride collapses on him and he winds up in the hospital, Marge forgives him. Bart and Skinner as also in the hospital and they end up throwing peanuts and shrimp at each other. 

Regulars in the couch gag vending machine: Homer / Marge / Maggie / Lisa / Bart / Moe / Lenny / Carl / Patty / Apu / Mr. Burns / Mr. Smithers / Nelson / Mrs. Krabappal / Krusty

Mall Stores: 1987 Calendars!!! / Yesterday's Puppies (a bunch of dogs in cages too small) / Dukakis Campaign H.Q. / JC Pennys (was here but now it's a store selling Pakistani CDs / Captain Blip's Zapateria (arcade) / Rock Bottom book store.

Games at the Mall arcade: Click-Clack / Unipede / Remington Steele The Game / Rocky III vs Clara Peller "Where's the beef?" / Monkey Kong / Space-Tac-Toe / Polybius / Triangle Wars 

Books as the discount book store: Wisconsin From Above / Veteran's Day Parades / Smiles Of Ireland / The Kansas City Royals Forever Champions / Drink Your Own Blood And Save. Oprah recommends: "Buy Three Copies!" / I Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix (the romance author from the episode Diatribe Of A Mad Housewife) / The Time Life Carpenter's Library / Shakespeare / The How Why and Huh? Book of Weather

Marge makes a wooden sign for the front yard: The Simpsons © 20th Century Fox and a Westminster Abbey dog house for SLH.

 Marge's flier: Simpson Carpentry - Yes, We're Unlicensed! KL5-0123

Builders' Barn "Tell Mom You Love Her- Copy Her Keys". A spoof on Home Depot.

When Bart is using the school trophies as bowling pins he uses the ball Homer bought Marge for her birthday in the episode Life On The Fast Lane. One of the trophies is "High Jump Honorable Mention"

When Bart is forcing Skinner to do things in order to avoid peanuts he has to write on the chalkboard "A Baby Beat Me Up" This is a spoof on the chalkboard gag (the last one was in May), this is also a repeat of the joke when Bart made Skinner write on the board in the episode Skinner's Sense Of Snow.

Beat On The Brat by The Ramones plays during Bart's torturing of Skinner.

When Bart and Skinner are fighting with sticks Duel Of The Fates from Phantom Menace plays.

When Bart and Skinner fall into the vat of peanut shrimp Bart confesses that he's El Barto and Skinner shouts "noooo!" as a spoof on Darth Vader NOOOOO! in Revenge Of The Sith.

Homer Simpson Presents The Zoominator

When Homer rides the roller coaster he flashes the souvenir camera.

An interesting note, one of the old arcade games is Remington Steele and the plot of that show was a woman is a detective but she can't get any business without a fake male partner, then a con man shows up pretending to be Remington Steele. This is the Marge/Homer plot of this episode. 

Treehouse of Horror XVII

This episode premiered on November 5th, 2006. The lead in show was a Simpsons repeat (Treehouse of Horror XVI) and was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America.

The episode opens on a creepy Burns mansion, a skeleton his hanging in the living room holding a March Of Dimes cup. The cameraman falls down a flight of stair. A coffin opens up and various animals run out from rats and spiders to rabbits. Mr. Burns comes out as the Crypt Keeper, a ghoulish Mr. Smithers closes up Moe in an Iron Maiden. His blood spells out Treehouse Of Horror XVII

Married To The Blob

Marge and Homer are making out in the back yard when a meteor crashes. Homer finds a glowing goo and eats it. Later that night he eats everything in the house, he tries to eat Bart but gets caught by Marge. He comes across a beach party, the teens are having a bbq fight and one falls in the fire so he eats the guy. He develops a craving for fat people so he eats the participants at an Octoberfest, baseball referees and the Facts Of Life reunion, customers at a Hawaiian shirt store. He bites Ned's head off and tosses away the rest of the body. Dr. Phil shows up to talk Homer out of his eating problem. To solve the problem the town sets up a Homeless Shelter but Homer is on the other side eating everyone. 

The title of this episode comes from the 1988 movie Married To The Mob

At Octoberfest Homer eats Uter. He was also eaten in Treehouse Of Horror V.

The segment also features a 50' Lenny and invisible Carl. 

You Gotta Know When to Golem

Krusty announces his show will be broadcast in HGTV, the image is horrible. Bart has brought his Krusty alarm clock to complain about it spraying acid. While looking around back stage he finds a Golem in the prop storage. Krusty tells the story about a Prague Rabbi who created the monster to defend the Jewish congregation, to get it to do your bidding you put a scroll with the task in its mouth, he uses it to kill hecklers. Bart puts a note saying "come to my house at midnight". Bart hears footsteps and groaning but it's just a drunk Homer, the the Golem shows up. Bart makes it kick Homer in the family jewels. At school he has it beat up the bullies. Lisa puts a note that says "speak" in the Golem's mouth and he does a series of Jewish jokes. He pukes up all the scrolls. Bart has the Golem kill Skinner, he starts to have a conscience about his actions. they make him a bride out of Play-Doh. They get married but the cops show up to arrest the Golem. Instead the police go to the Latkes bar in the basement of the Temple. 

The title of this episode came from the Kenny Rogers song The Gambler "know when to hold 'em"

Krusty's Prop Museum. Admission $50 No Refunds

Krusty is doing a Desperate Housefly sketch. Desperate Housewives ran from 2004 to 2012.

Springfield Shopper headline: Bullies Hospitalized. Nerds, dorks cautiously rejoice.

The Day The Earth Looked Stupid

The episode opens with a sepia tone version of Springfield, to let you know it's the 1930's. The Simpsons hear about an alien invasion from Mars on the Orson Welles Halloween broadcast. The entire town panics. Marge suggests that everyone pretend to be animals to avoid the aliens so they strip down and roll in the mud. Lisa shows up and tells them the whole thing was just a radio program. Kodos and Kang realize this is the perfect time to attack the planet since everyone will think it's another fake broadcast. After three years the fighting continues.

The title of this episode came from the 1951 movie The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Kwickee & Sons General Store. Today's Super-Lotto Jackpot: $18. This is a spoof on the Kwik-E-Mart.

Gloomy Sunday plays during the opening of the episode.

The sepia tone is based on the prequel parts of Godfather II

Abe Simpsons keeps referring to the First World War even though it's before the Second World War. "You'll find out"

Springfield Shopper, October 31st 1938, Two Cents. Broadcast Fools Nation, Springfield 

Wiggum mentions The Great Gildersleeve, this was a popular radio program back in the day.

The invasion of the Earth had been ongoing for three years (Bush's invasion of Iraq had reached the three year mark) Kang tells Kodos "You said we'd be greeted as Liberators". This was a comment made by Dick Cheney during the buildup to the invasion of Iraq in 2003. The alien attack is labeled Operation: Enduring Occupation. The Iraq invasion was called Operation Enduring Freedom. Kodos claims Earth was working on weapon of Mass Disintegration, Bush claimed the Iraqis were working on weapons of Mass Destruction. (They really went after the Bush war in Iraq with this segment). The occupation of Iraq lasted until 2011.

The segment ends with the song I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire by The Ink Spots. 

Richard Lewis voices the Male Golem, Fran Drescher voices the Female Golem. Dr. Phil does his own voice. Sir Mix-A-Lot sings Baby Likes Fat, a spoof on his song Baby Got Back. Maurice LaMarche does the voice of Orson Welles

In the closing credits is the name Al "July 27th 2007" Jean. This is the future release date for The Simpsons Movie.

G.I. (Annoyed Grunt) aka G.I D'oh

This episode premiered on November 12th 2006. The lead in show was the NFL Post Game Show and it was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, The Amazing Race and Football Night In America.

The title comes from the action figure G.I. Joe.

The chalkboard gag is "We are not all naked under our clothes"(although we are) and the couch gag is the family sits on the couch, a conveyor belt then starts to roll forward, they go through a carwash with a water sprayer, soap foam, roller brushes and an air dryer. A group of guys come out and polish them. 

Bart and Milhouse both fall in love with a store mannequin then they see that the bullies are working at the shoe store, The Sole Provider, Bart and Milhouse decide to go harass them. The manager quits so the bullies tie up Bart and Milhouse in a spiderweb of shoe laces and then close the store. On their way out they are approached by military recruiters who talk to them about the latest "rap cd". The bullies won't sign up so the recruiters go to Springfield Elementary to show a movie, a knight pulls a sword from a stone and then turns into an attack helicopter. At the end of the film everyone signs up for pre enlistment. Marge makes Homer go talk to the recruiters and they agree to tear up Bart's contract but Homer signs up instead. After going through basic Homer is assigned to be a target for training. Homer remembers that it's Chinese New Year and fires off flairs, blinding the soldiers wearing night vision gear. The military tracks Homer to Springfield and invade the town. Homer hides out at Moe's, however he sells out Homer. Homer escapes down sewer drain leaving the rest of the squad behind. Homer sneaks into the house but the Army sends a drone after him. Cartoon music plays while it chases him, he uses several Loony Tunes tricks to escape including dressing up like a female drone. He locks it into a closet full of explosives and when it explodes the Warner Bros closing "That's All Folks" image pops up. The Army arrests all fat and bald people. Lisa complains about the military occupation of Springfield. Marge calls the phone tree to organize against the military. She has everyone bring their alcohol to the reservoir and the Army gets drunk on the local water. The next day the town has taken the Army prisoner, Lisa complains. The Colonel is forced to surrender but the military makes Homer their new recruiter at the mall. The Colonel announces all the names in the closing credit are being sent to the infantry.  

Kiefer Sutherland does the voice of The Colonel

Springfield Mall store Tatters-Clothes For Orphans (the sign is hand written)

Two episodes the mall was a complete disaster and now it's back to normal.

The zit faced teen's last name is Freedman

The military recruiters say that due to current world events the Army needs new recruits, this is a reference Bush's wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. 

The army recruitment movie has an attack helicopter shooting Nazis, a Middle Eastern Terrorist, Jason, it also fires a rocket into a hurricane. Did the Simpsons do another Trump prediction? After shooting the bad guys the crew jumps on stage and plays Paranoid by Black Sabbath, they are joined by Abe Lincoln and George Washington. 

Marge is carrying a bust of Homer but drops and breaks it when she finds out Bart signed up for the army. She has another one of Bart and it has The Cowabunga Kid across the bottom.

Lisa is a member of PETA and throws red paint on Krusty. Again, not my favorite character. She also asks when the Krusty movie is coming out, this is in reference to the announced date of the release of The Simpsons Movie. Krusty has to take off his fur coat and puts on a Panda one instead, with panda slippers and monkey head gloves. 

Army Recruitment Center "Suicidal Teens Welcome"

When Homer signs up for the Army he demands a parade, so they give him a Parade Magazine. It's The Who Makes What In America issue. There is an ad for Laramie cigarettes on the back. Parade stopped printing physical copies of the magazine in 2022 and ceased e publication in 2023.

Marge says with all the things Homer has done, go into space (Deep Space Homer), attend clown college (Homie The Clown), join the Navy (Simpson Tide) she never thought he'd join the Army. 

Fort Clinton (Not That Clinton)

During the training montage Toy Soldiers by Martika plays. 

Homer eating donuts while the rest of the unit does push-ups is a spoof on the scene from the 1987 movie Full Metal Jacket. 

Rainer Wolfcastle joined the Army to make recruitment films but is sent to the front lines. 

A soldier is painting "Death To Homer" with a bullseye on an image of Homer on a laser guided missile. 

Bart is making a list for new dads, Carl Or Lenny?

When Homer tries to think of a great military leader he pictures Cap'n Crunch

Moe plays Sudoku. It had gained popularity in the U.S. in 2004. 

Cletus is one of the soldiers in Homer's target outfit. His Christmas Card is a spoof on the controversial photo of Iraqi prisoners stacked naked while female soldiers point at them.

Barney, Skinner, Sanjay, CBG and Chalmers are detained by the military for being fat, bald or amused by Homer Simpson.

Homer hides out at the retirement home but grows tired of the boring stories.

Homer signing the surrender agreement with the Army is a spoof on the Japanese signing the surrender documents at the end of WWII. 

Let's hope this episode isn't a Trump prediction and the military ends up occupying cities in America.

Moe'N'a Lisa

This episode premiered on November 19th 2006. The lead in was a rerun of The Simpsons (The Italian Bob) and was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America

The title comes from the da Vinci painting Mona Lisa

The couch gag is the family is placed on a computer couch image by a cursor however the whole thing is then transferred to the trash icon and "empty" is clicked. 

Homer has a string on his finger and "Don't forget" written backwards on his stomach. It's also written on the dog and in Maggie's cereal. The family drags Homer off to the Senior Olympics but he was suppose to remember going fishing with Moe for his birthday. Grandpa remembers going to the 1936 Olympics and accidentally throws a javelin into an assassin trying to kill Hitler.  Grandpa drops his dentures and Willie, wearing a rain poncho and carrying a scythe, picks them up and starts chasing him, Grandpa wins the hurdle race, Willie comes in third. When they get home they find Moe sitting on their front law so they duck down and drive into the back yard to avoid him. Moe throws a brick through the window with an angry note, Lisa decides to interview him as her interesting person in Springfield. Lisa finds fragments of Moe's writing and declares it poetry, Homer mocks him but falls out a window and down the fire escape. Lisa has Moe read his poem at school but the kids don't get it. Lisa sends Moe's poem to American Poetry Perspectives magazine but Homer is mad at them for not publishing his poem. Moe gets invited to the Wordloaf Festival in Vermont. Bart tells the famous writers that The Da Vinci Code made one million dollars and they groan and hit themselves with their books. Moe wipes chocolate on Tom Wolfe's white suit. Moe is about to tell the famous people that Lisa came up with the title but everyone is upset that he had help, so he says he made it up himself, Lisa is upset. During the panel Moe is asked who his influences are but he doesn't have any names. Lisa asks him about his influences and Moe says "none". Lisa whines. Moe shows up and asks Lisa to organize his scribbles into a poem but she runs off. While trying to put the notes together the papers blow into the lake and are ruined. Bart and Homer get mad at Moe when Lisa runs away crying. Moe has to read a new poem, he just reads what he wrote off the elevator wall and the TV guide. He then makes up a poem about Lisa on the spot. Just then Homer and Bart try to pour some maple syrup on Moe but it takes so long that he just steps out of the way. Michael Chabon and Jonathan Franzen get into a fight. Lisa and Moe become friends again and go to duckpin bowling. At the end Jameson demands poems about Spider-Man. Homer does a maple syrup tasting like someone would do a wine testing, the woman at the stand wants to know if he's "touched in the head" and Bart says "yes". 

J. K. Simmons does the voice of J. Jonah Jameson. Thomas Wolfe, Gore Vidal, Michael Chabon and Jonathan Franzen do their own voices.

Senior Olympics "Who will break the 4-hour mile?"

Lisa's list of Fascinating Sprinfielders she's tried to interview: Milhouse's Dad / Comptroller Atkins / Gil / Very Tall Man / Squeaky Voiced Teen. 

The Old Jewish Guy does the high dive but his arm skin makes him fly like Rocky Squirrel from Bullwinkle. Even the music from the cartoon plays. 

Regent Hotel "The Buzziest Neon In Town"

J. Jonah Jameson, from the Spider-Man movies, is the editor of American Poetry Perspectives.

Wordloaf Literary Conference "Warning: Philip Roth May Be Moody"

The cop from Rhode Island is a little person on a Big Wheel with a flashing light. 

The Da Vinci Code was published in 2003. 

Writer's festival sign. Today's Panel: Writers On Writing. Tomorrow's Panel: Janitors On Janiting 

The only book Moe ever read was Super Hounds: the Ultimate Greyhound Betting System.

The family goes to the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory. This is a real place. 

Tonight Wordloaf Honors Moe Szyslak- Best New Poet "Warning: First Ten Rows May Get Wit"

Thomas Pynchon is as the dinner with a bag over his head. He was first seen in the episode Diatribe Of A Mad Housewife.

During their fight Franzen hits Chabon with a framed print of Snoopy using a typewriter on top of his doghouse. 

J. Jonah Jameson wants to know what his assistant is waiting for, "Chinese New Year?" In the previous episode Homer celebrated Chinese New Year by shooting off flares.

Ice Cream Of Margie (with the light blue hair)

This episode premiered on November 26th, 2006. The lead in show was the NFL Post Game Show and it was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, The Amazing Race and Football Night In America.

The title is based on the song Jeanie With The Light Brown Hair

The couch gag is a set of eyeballs are seen in the dark, however when the light clicks on we see the family with human heads but cockroach bodies. They all scamper, Maggie hides behind the couch but is still looking out. 

Bart is digging the marshmallow bits out of the cereal and feeds the rest to SLH. The guys are playing Rolo-Polo at the plant, a rubber ball and they are on rolling chairs trying to shoot it into a sideways trash can.  Burns catches them and starts chewing out Homer except an ice cream truck shows up and Homer can't think of anything else, Burns fires him. The ice cream man drops dead while giving Homer his change. Homer buys the truck from the widow and has it pimped out. Marge is depressed after seeing a talk show about successful women. She's mad that Homer loves being an ice cream man. She starts playing with Homer's thrown away popsicle sticks and makes a model of Maggie, Homer loves it. Marge starts making multiple statues and then spells out "Two Weeks Later" across the bottom of the screen. The Channel 6 helicopter is following a high speed chase until Snake escapes in a helicopter, he spots Marge's sculptures and wants to put her on the air. The YeeHaw Texan wants to fund an art show of Marge's sculptures. Marge wants Homer to be at her show for emotional support but he still has to run his route, he promises to be back at 3:00 (if you've ever seen the show you know where this is going). Homer comes across a gathering of single dads on visitation day, Rainer Wolfcastle is one of the fathers. Homer finds out  that it's 38 seconds until 3 and takes off at high speed. While taking a shortcut an owl, Boy Scout and bear wind up on Homer's windshield, he hits the wipers but when the view is clear he is at the house and crashes through all the sculptures and Marge is mad at him. Naturally Marge and Homer's marriage is in trouble. Marge takes off so Homer and the kids go to find her, she's on top of City Hall. Homer thinks she's going to jump but instead she made a giant statue of Homer standing in his underwear eating a donut.  200 years later Marge's statue is being studied in a museum. It turns out iPods became self aware and took over the world and Marge's statue is the last one ever made.

Krusty Charms, a clown version of Lucky Charms.

Ice Cream guy funeral. They play Taps on the loudspeaker, a 21 bell jingle and then use an oversized ice cream scoop to fill in the grave. 

Get Ur Freak On by Missy Elliott plays when Homer reveals his pimped out ice cream truck. The whole reveal is a reference to the show Pimp My Ride that ran from 2004 to 2007. Homer putting on his ice cream suit is a reference to Da Ali G Show.

Marge watches Opal. This is a spoof on Oprah. Opal is promoting the book Life Beyond Wife by Professor Stein (a book about successful women who never got married or had kids)

When Homer's truck arrives in the neighborhood Dire Straights Money For Nothing plays. 

Chuck Mangione's Feels So Good plays while Marge is making popsicle stick figures. 

Marge's sculptures: Maggie, Bart and Lisa, Fat Tony strangling a guy, Dredrick Tatum, Grandpa, Patty and Selma, The Flanders complete with Maude, Reverend Lovejoy, Apu, Professor Frink, Sea Captain, Disco Stu, The Central City Goofball, CBG, Moe (behind the bar), Skinner, Bumblebee Man, Krusty, Lenny and Carl. 

Kent Brockman's award submitted segment, Kent Brockman's "Kent-resting People"

Sneaky dirty joke: When Homer brings Marge more popsicle sticks he says "This is the most fun I ever had giving your wood"

When Marge and Homer "snuggle" he plays Pop Goes The Weasel. 

Divorced Dad Visitation Jamboree.

Dated Reference, Homer uses a Polaroid camera to slip photos to Marge under the door.

iPods overthrow the world. There's a Simpsons prediction that didn't come true. (iPod 5th Generation by the way)

This was another episode where Marge and Homer's marriage was in trouble but somehow he managed to talk his way back into her heart. These are among my least favorite episodes. It's also a guarantee that Homer won't be an ice cream man in the next episode and the whole thing will just be forgotten, including his getting fired. 

So I've come to the end of another 5 episode. I think I saw the Treehouse of Horror episode before now but the rest are all new to me.