The Simpsons 311-315

Brake My Wife, Please

This episode premiered on May 11th, 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by Malcolm In The Middle. It ran opposite The ABC Sunday Night Movie (E.T), Survivor and American Dreams

The title comes from the classic Henny Youngman joke, "Take my wife, please"

The couch gag is a repeat of the boardwalk photo cutout.

Marge is helping to chaperone a school trip to the aquarium. Lisa sneaks into the penguin habitat and sees them flying. One of the tanks is empty, Lisa asks where they fish are and they cut to the storage facility, a janitor's closet with a bunch of fish including an orca, in plastic bags. A giant clam opens and people think it's a pearl but it turns out to be Bart mooning them, an octopus grabs him and the fish beat him up. At the hospital Marge finds that Homer has the insurance card so Hibbert handcuffs Bart to a radiator until they can come up with the money. Homer went to the video store but got distracted by a movie Editor And Chimp, about a monkey that runs a newspaper. He also watches Buttercups of Autumn (a spoof on The Whales Of August) that makes him cry. Marge decides that Homer needs a cellphone and Lindsey Nagal shows up to sell him one. Homer has trouble driving and talking on the phone so he goes to the Try N Save to buy a hands free headset but ends up buying all types of electronics to plug into his car's lighter. Homer gets distracted by everything and drives off the pier. In court Homer loses his license and has to be driven around by Marge. He walks to Moe's but he enjoys it so much that he passes the bar and keeps going. Marge becomes stressed after driving everywhere. While doing a musical number about walking Homer is run over by Marge, she winds up having to do everything for him and he starts to suspect that she's trying to intentionally hurt him so they go to a marriage counselor. The Dr. tells Homer that he has to do a completely unselfish gesture for Marge. Homer deicides that he should hold a romantic dinner and the guys at Moe's offer to help. The entire town shows up to hold her a special dinner. To make sure Ned didn't show up at the dinner Homer sent him a note to meet Jesus in Montana. Jackson Browne shows up to sing for Marge. To get everyone to leave Homer turns on the sprinklers.

Steve Buscemi (who shows up in the musical number and is referred to as "that guy from Fargo") and Jackson Browne do their own voices.

Springfield Aquarium. Dead Fish Skimmed Daily

Skinner has a Kick Me Hard sign on his back.

Homer's ring tone is Jarabe Tapatio, aka The Mexican Hat song.

While walking Homer accidentally hits a guy with a stick, this is a spoof on Walter Matthau as George Wilson from the 1992 movie Dennis The Menace.

Marriage Counseling "The one who's wrong pays"

Homer's list of people most important to him: Homer / Homer J. Simpson / Commander Cool (aka Homer)

Jackson Browne sings a version of The Pretender with lyrics about Marge. 

As I get further into the Simpsons I keep wondering if I've ever seen the episode before. I can truly say this is the first time I've seen this one. I have zero memory of it. Of course it's another "Marge and Homer's marriage is in trouble" episode and several of the jokes are recycled including the bar crowd telling Homer that the solution to his problem is a fancy dinner, they did this in the episode Some Enchanted Evening. All in all, meh. 

The Bart Of War

This episode premiered on May 18th 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by the next episode of The Simpsons (Moe Baby Blues). It ran opposite the ABC Sunday Night Movie (Waterboy), 60 Minutes and American Dreams

The name of the episode comes from the book The Art Of War.

The chalkboard gag is "Sandwiches should not contain sand" and the couch gag is a repeat of the giant baby. 

Bart and Milhouse are watching South Park, OJ Simpsons shows up and kills Calista Flockhart and Steve Gutenberg. (For all the century kids, they were big actors way back when). Marge changes the channel to PAX TV and the boys run outside. They tie a string to a fly but it goes in Flanders house. They go after it and start messing around including making a mess in the kitchen. Bart and Milhouse crash through a door and discover that Ned has a room full of Beatles merchandise and collectables. The boys drink 40 year old Beatles soda and have a psychedelic trip. When Ned comes home he discovers the house "slightly askew" and runs to the panic room. The cops show up and calls Homer and Marge. Ned suggests that instead of going to court the boys be forced to join in some social club. Bart has to join the Pre Teen Braves, Homer volunteers to be the tribal leader. Homer shows the kids a Chiefs vs Cowboys football game. Lisa and Marge build a fire in the backyard and do smoke signals, the kids elect her the new tribal leader. Homer gives up and goes to Moe's. Marge introduces the boys to Jim Proudfoot who tells them about how things were before White people showed up. Marge convinces the boys to clean up a local field but when they arrive they discover that the Cavalry Kids (the club Milhouse had to join) already did the job. The two groups declare war on each other. Dredric Tatum issues a candy selling challenge to the youth groups of Springfield, the club with the most sales gets to be honorary batboys at an Isoptoes game. Ralph is thrown through the Simpsons window with a note "We will crush you and smother your dreams. Yours in Christ, Cavalry Kids". Homer decides that he has to take over the tribe again because the contest requires men of cruelty. They load up the Cavalry Kids candy with laxatives. The Cavalry Kids win because they sold the laxative candy to the old folks home but Homer vows revenge. When they get to the ball park they see a sign that says Free Parking however it's a trick from Homer. The boys show up in the Cavalry Kids uniforms and sing a vulgar version of the National Anthem, the real Cavalry Kids show up and get into a fight, the thing turns into a stadium riot. Moe ends up fighting Tatum. Marge starts crying over how things turned out and everyone sees it on the Jumbotron so they decide to come together and sing Oh Canada. 

Self Aware joke: Bart and Milhouse watch South Park, Milhouse complains that the kids voices are done by grownups and Bart says he's impressed that they are able to keep it fresh after 43 episodes (This is the 312th episode of The Simpsons)

PAX TV ran from 1998 to 2007, it was converted (pun intended) to ION TV

Ned's videos include Girls Gone Mild and Debbie Does Penance. (Girls Gone Wild, Debbie Does Dallas)

Milhouse mentions Barbara Niedernhuber, two time Olympic silver medalist in the luge.

Sign on Ned's secret Beatles room: Beware Of God, Children Keep Out.

Learn Carpentry With The Beatles "I'm fixing a hole...in my drywall!" (this is a spoof on the hole in my pocket line from the 1968 movie Yellow Submarine.

Beatles soda: John Lemon / Orange Harrison / Paul McIced Tea / Mango Starr

On his psychedelic trip Bart sees Milhouse as the original Mop Top Beatles, Sgt. Pepper, Let It Be and finally the Annie Leibovitz photo for the cover of Rolling Stones with Yoko Ono and a naked Lennon. 

Wiggum tells Bart and Milhouse they'll be taking the last train to clarksville, Lou points out that those are lyrics from a Monkees song.

Suggested clubs for Bart to join: The Future Veterans Of Foreign Wars / The Five H Club (which now includes Homosexuals) / The Pre Teen Braves

Members of Bart's tribe: Bart / Database / Nelson / Ralph

The Pre-Teen Braves Handbook. Forward by Larry Storch (he played Corporal Agarn on F Troop)

The Cavalry Kids: Milhouse, Jimbo, Martin and some fourth kid. Kirk is their leader. 

Springfield Shopper headline: Cavalry Kids Lead Charge In Cleanup / President Shoots Wife. The Shopper costs 60¢ these days. 

When the two clubs are competing One Tin Soldier from the 1971 movie Billy Jack plays.

One of the youth groups is the Junior Dandies. They all dress in colonial clothes with powdered wigs. (One looks just like Nelson)

Continuity error: Carl says he sang at Lenny's wedding. In some episodes Lenny is married and in others he is single.

During Oh Canada Marge hold up the Canadian and Quebec flag. The episode is about coming together but in 2003 the issue of Quebec sovereignty had come up again, potentially dividing Canada into two different countries.

This was another one of those episodes that really didn't have an ending so they just tacked something on. It also doesn't hold up very well with all the jokes about Indigenous People. The Woke crowd would go nuts about "stealing culture". Ironically it was Apu who pointed this out and yet the character would eventually become a target of Woke.

Moe Baby Blues

This episode premiered on May 18th 2003. The lead in was the previous Simpson's episode (they ran back to back) and was followed by Malcom In The Middle. It ran opposite the same programs as the previous episode. 

The title of the episode is a spoof on the 1990 film Mo' Better Blues

The couch gag is a repeat of the gingerbread house. 

The family goes to the Springfield Botanical Gardens to see the blooming of the Sumatran Century Flower, Homer complains that Lisa always gets to pick their activities. Moe realizes the bar is empty and sees a news story on the blooming of the flower. He decides to go to the show but the flower garden is one person over capacity so they kick him out. When the flower blooms it puts off a horrible stink and the crows runs away in a panic. A traffic jam results and everyone gathers around Hibbert's car to watch his onboard TV. When traffic starts to move Homer floors it but rear ends a car and Maggie goes flying out the sunroof. Moe is just about to jump off the bridge when Maggie falls into his arms and he's declared a hero by the town. Later Moe drops by to see Maggie, Marge has knitted him a sweater. Grandpa has escaped from the nursing home so Marge has to chase him down and leaves Maggie alone with Moe. Moe plays bar with Maggie. Moe takes Maggie to Krusty Burger and gets hit on by a woman but he scares her off. Homer realizes that that Moe is taking over the fatherly responsibilities and becomes jealous. Moe tells Maggie the story of The Godfather and Godfather II. Moe has put a baby monitor and camera in her room, the family kicks him out. Maggie overhears Fat Tony in the yard, he does the orange bit from The Godfather and Maggie follows them, the family suspects Moe of stealing her. When the cops raid his place Moe offers to help find her, and the cops figure they have everything under control and leave. they decide to go to Little Italy. Maggie wanders into the Italian restaurant just as Fat Tony is about to shoot his rival, everyone pulls guns, Moe goes in to save her. The mobsters look at Maggie and start crying, they tell Moe that they plan to schedule playdates. 

In the episode A Star Is Burns Moe makes the movie Moe Better Booze for the film festival.

Springfield Botanical Gardens "Our Stamens Are A Pistol! (Only Lisa gets the joke, when she asks the family if they want an explanation they say "no", they aren't happy to be there)

The Botanical Garden topiary include Binky (from Life In Hell) and Kodos and Kang

Sumatran Century Flower. The Greatest Show On Dirt.

Hibbert is watching The Beverly Hillbillies Down Under. 

Maggie's car seat is secured with the Krap-E-Latch

Springfield Shopper headline: Baby Saved By Local Hero, Not Father.

You're My Best Friend by Queen plays when Moe is out with Maggie.

The Simpsons celebrate The Year Of The Rat even though 2003 was The Year Of The Goat.

The Sumatran Century Flower is based on the Corpse Flower, known for its stench in order to attract flies for pollination purposes. 

Another underwhelming episode. There, I said it.

This was the last episode of Season 14. Only 21 more to go. Seriously, why didn't I pick a series with a shorter run time. Firefly had one season and a movie, I'd be long done by now.

Treehouse Of Horror XIV

This episode premiered on November 2nd 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by a Simpsons rerun (Barting Over). It ran opposite 10-8 (a short lived cop drama), the special CBS at 75 and American Dreams.

Bart and Lisa are wearing Charlie Brown and Lucy costumes. They get into a fight over their candy. Bart accidentally stabs Homer with a fire poker so he throws a flaming log at them but sets Grandpa on fire instead. Homer rolls up the kids in the rug and starts beating them with a bat so Marge shoots him, his blood splatters out Treehouse Of Horror XIV on the wall. Kang and Kodos show up to complain about the show being broadcast in November (a common complaint from viewers) and laugh because they already have their Christmas decorations up which includes  them eating Santa and his reindeer. When Kang and Kodos complain about the November scheduling of the show they hold up a TV guide with The Simpsons on the cover (the real TV guide for that week had Ashton Kutcher)

Reaper Madness

The title of this segment comes from the 1936 film Reefer Madness. The plot comes from the 1994 film The Santa Clause

Death shows up for Bart, Yakity Sax plays and a Benny Hill high speed chase starts. Homer knocks out death with his bowling ball, the death certificate burns up. The Mob tries to kill Frankie The Squeeler but he keeps getting shot and survives. Moe tries to hang himself but nothing happens. When Homer tries on Death's robe he takes over the job. The first person he kills is Jasper. On career day he kills a hobo for Lisa's class. Homer kills his way down to box seats at the Isotopes game. He freaks out when Marge is the next name on his list, when they give him the chance to die in her place he kills her instead. He asks God to let him quit, when the robe is gone it turns out he killed Patty disguised as Marge. 

When Homer kills death he asks if that means they'll never cancel the Jim Belushi show and Lisa tells him yes, he yells "Noooooo!" According to Jim ran from 2001 to 2009.

When Marge asks Homer to take death out to the curb he says he will "without enthusiasm". Curb Your Enthusiasm has run from 2000 to 2024. 

Frinkenstein

The title and plot of the segment comes from the novel Frankenstein

Homer gets a call from the Nobel Prize but it's for Professor Frink. He wishes his father was there to see him, dad was an Indiana Jones type of character. Lisa offers to help Frink patch up things with his father however he's dead, and in Frinks freezer. Frink fixes him up and then brings him back to life. Frink's father decide to replace his mechanical parts with real organs, his first victim is Ned. He steals Skinner's spine, Snakes arm, Sideshow Mel's scalp and CBG's butt. In Stockholm the traffic cop is an attractive naked woman. Herschbach and Garner are the presenters at the Nobel Prize ceremony. Frink wins in the physics prize (16 years before Sheldon Cooper), his father shows up looking normal. However he goes after the crowd and steals their brains. Homer wishes he was death again. Frink does the math and figures out how to kill his father and catch his soul. 

Lisa tells Frink Sr. that the 21st century is like the 20th century except everyone is afraid and the stock market is much lower (the Bush jr. economy) Look how things have changed over the past 21 years, the stock market is much higher and....well that's it. 

Swedish Auditorium NØBEL PRIZE CEREMØNY. Winners Drink Free!

When Frink Sr. is walking down the street with his new body parts. Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees plays.

She Blinded Me With Science by Thomas Dolby plays at the Nobel Prize ceremony.

When Frink sr. starts stealing brains Lisa says he went crazier than Halle Berry (she won Best Actress in 2002). Marge says it's more violent than the Hip Hop Awards (the 2000 Source Hip Hop awards ended when a riot broke out in the audience)

Stop The World I Want To Goof Off

The title of this segment comes from the 1961 musical Stop The World I Want To Get Off and the plot comes from the 1963 Twilight Zone episode Some Kind Of Stopwatch.

The kids are sitting around watching TV when Marge brings in a box of stuff from the attic. Bart finds an ad for a Miracle Watch, Stops Time. Only 49¢. Bart gets his watch and starts causing trouble. When he and Milhouse touch the watch at the same time they both stop in time, Milhouse wants to get ahead on his homework, Bart pants Skinner and steals Homer's donuts, then strip him and Nelson naked. Quimby holds a town hall but keeps getting switched into different costumes. He covered the hall with ultraviolet powder and installed black lights. The footprints lead to Bart and Milhouse. The town chases after them but they stop time. Bart accidentally dropped the watch and they find they are stuck in time. They read a book on watch repair and age 15 years in the process. They place Martin in the path of the mob and they beat him up, including Oscar De La Hoya. Lisa presses the wrong button and the family splits into jets, alternate sex, bobble heads, TV Guides, The Fantastic Four and finally playing with hula hoops.

70's comic books: Superman vs. Patty Hearst / Evel Knievel Jumps The Jackson 5 / Batman and Rhoda. 

When Bart stops time he says Lisa looks like a background character in a Hanna Barbera cartoon. 

City Hall sign: Tonight's Topic Recent Strange Events / Never Eat Greens / TV Teens Get Acne / Gent's Rear: Ten Cents 

Jerry Lewis does the voice of Professor Frink sr. (the character is based on his 1963 film The Nutty Professor). Dudley Herschbach, Jennifer Garner and Oscar De La Hoya do their own voices.

A spacey version of the closing song plays over the credits.

My Mother The Carjacker

This episode premiered on November 9th 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by a Simpsons rerun (Three Gays Of The Condo). It ran opposite 10-8, 60 Minutes and Law and Order, Criminal Intent.

The title of this episode comes from the 1965 sitcom My Mother The Car

The couch gag is the family runs onto the couch but then decays into dust. Hmmm....

The family is outside doing chores when Marge tells them to come inside and watch TV. Marge sent in a headline to the Channel 6 Oops Patrol (although the headline isn't actually funny). She wins a t shirt, Homer puts it on and stretches it out. He starts trying to find a funny headline. He becomes obsessed. However when he reads a story about the worlds biggest pizza he finds a secret message to him and is suppose to meet someone at midnight, he makes Bart come along. It turns out the mysterious character is Mona Simpson. The cops show up at the diner and Homer takes off through the back door but crashes into the police station, they arrest Mona. Gil represents Mona in court. The jury finds Mona not guilty. Marge recreates the birth of Bart. Homer steals a room from Flanders' house for his mother to live in. Burns converts his germ lab into The Grandma Simpson Peace Museum And Kid-Teractive Learnatorium. Burns gets Mona to admit she signed fake names on the National Park guest books and has her arrested for giving the government false names like "Anita Bong-Hit". Lisa wants to hold a candlelight vigil for Mona but Homer plans on breaking her out of jail. Homer gets the prison transporters to stop in order to chain up their tires and steals the bus. Homer dumps the rest of the prisoners off and then plans to head to Disney's California Adventures. Mona tazers Homer and dumps him when the cops don't see him. The bus crashes over a cliff into a lake, sinks, blows up and is buried under a landslide. Mona's casket rolls away so Homer kicks over a headstone, it's for Frank "Grimey" Grimes. Homer searches through newspapers for secret messages from Mona but can't find one. However Mona managed to jump from the bus before the crash and sends Homer a message in an article he didn't read.

Glen Close does the voice of Mona Simpson.

Springfield Shopper headline: Mayor Unveils Erection to Cheering Crowd. 

Homer's headline: Cranford Man Missing "What's he missing" / Drought Threatens To Turn West Into Desert (he misreads it as Dessert) 

When Marge tells Homer to listen to his brain, instead of his gut, he sees a cow playing the ukulele. 

There is a billboard for The Zip Boys, they first appeared in the episode Treehouse Of Horror VI.

The Overpass Diner A burger and squalor for under a dollar. 

Homer writes letters to movies, not actors but the movies themselves, the government is reading the one he wrote to Die Hard.

Channel 6 does a stock montage of the 60's to the tune of Along The Watchtower by Jimmi Hendrix. Peace protestors attacked by cops / soldiers crossing a rice patty / Woodstock / Nixon giving the peace sign / Neil Armstrong on the moon / Batman dancing the Battoosi / The Black Power salute at the olympics / John Wayne on Laugh-In saying "you bet your sweet bippy". Kent brockman calls it a shrill pointless decade.

Mother And Child Reunion by Paul Simon plays during the Mona/Homer montage. 

Germ Warfare Laboratory "When the H-Bomb isn't enough"

When Homer is printing out photos Mother by John Lennon plays.

Highway digital warning signs: Left Lane Closed / Drive Friendly / Seatbelts Save Lives / Stacey Will You Marry Me? / What Do You Mean 'No'? / I Hope Your Car Blows Up / Snowstorm Ahead Use Tire Chains

Headstone. Mona J. Simpson / Loving Mother / Radical Chick / Far*Out Grandma

Headline on article containing secret message to Homer, Giant Taco Built In Mexico.

In the episode Lisa The Tree Hugger Marge is cutting out a headline to send to Jay Leno.

Another five episodes down and the hits keep coming. Well the hit and misses keep coming. Some episodes are still winners while other are so so. Onward and upward though. If they ever stop making episodes I will one day come to the end of this project.