The Simpsons 316-320

The President Wore Pearls

This episode premiered on November 16th, 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by a Simpsons repeat (Bart Of War). It ran opposite the American Music Awards, Cold Case and American Dreams.

The plot of this episode is based on the musical Evita.

The couch gag is we hear a camera click and a Polaroid photo falls onto the couch and develops into an image of the family. (dated reference)

It's casino night at the school and Marge (the gambling addict) goes out of control. Dredric Tatum is the door greeter, and any money he's paid goes to the families of his victims. Homer bets everything on 17 and wins but when he goes to cash in his chips in he finds they are only good for cafeteria script or a day at the park with Willie. Everyone finds out that they aren't playing for real money and a riot breaks out. Skinner removes Martin as the student body president. Lisa decides to sign up to run for president however her opponent is Nelson who bribes the students with answer keys to all the tests. Lisa sings a song about being a nerd, Nelson counters by singing Black Sabbath's Iron Man. After Lisa wins Chalmers  is worried that Lisa thinks for herself, Krabappal has a plan to appeal to her vanity, and sings a song about a makeover. Lisa has a series of ideas but the teachers hate it, instead they overwhelm her with a busy schedule. They convince Lisa to sign an all access key form, this will come up later. Bart tells Lisa she's being used by Skinner, the staff sings a song about their daily life in school. Skinner plans on getting rid of music, athletics and art and frames Lisa for making the decision. Lisa sings a song about realizing she's been framed, she resigns as president and then calls for a general strike, she refused to call off the strike until they return music and art. The police show up but Lisa convinces them to join the strike. Micheal Moore shows up to quote a statistic. The other unions who join in the strike are the Springfield goat milkers, newsroom cue card holders (one hits Kent Brockman in the head), and the theme park zombies. Chalmers tells Skinner to send Lisa to the magnate school for gifted children, she sings a version of Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Homer shows up to complain about the amount of time it takes to drive to the school and insists she goes back to Springfield Elementary. The show ends with the screen titles "Springfield found the money to restore music, gym, and art by canceling flu shots and selling loose cigarettes" and "On the advice of our lawyers, we swear we have never heard of a musical based on the life of Eva Peron. 

Michael Moore does his own voice in this episode.

Springfield Elementary banner: Casino Night. Absolutely No Money Goes To Indians.

Martin says he got the idea for the school's casino night from an episode of Saved By The Bell. The show ran from 1989 to 1993. 

Martin became the student body president in the episode Lisa's Substitute. When he's forced to resign he paraphrases Richard Nixon, "You won't have Martin Prince to kick around anymore" and as he's wheeled off in a wagon he does Nixon's famous V for Victory sign.

Otto and Krusty were past student body presidents at Springfield Elementary.

Daily Fourth Gradian headline: School Elections Today / Are you a Bart or a Milhouse? Take our quiz.

Strike signs: Flunk me? Flunk you! / Give P.E. a chance / Don't cut off my pianissimo / What Would Jesus Glue / I like purple (Ralph's sign) / Free the Kickball 9 / Paste not Waste / Don't take away our balls.

Channel 6 story headline: Alphabet Coup. 

Adult joke sneaked in, Otto drops Lisa off at the better school and says the story has a happy ending, just like his last massage. 

This was another episode where they went through all the trouble of creating a complex story, and then had no ending. They simply say "well Lisa went back and they solved the problems off screen". I hadn't seen this one before and I don't think I had missed much.

The Regina Monologues

This episode premiered on November 23rd, 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by a Simpsons rerun (Brake My Wife Please). It ran opposite 10-8, 60 Minutes and American Dreams

The title comes from the book the Vagina Monologues

The couch gag is a Play Dough factory toy pushing out the forms of the family in different colors. 

Burns gets a $1000 bill from the ATM but it blows away. It flies in the window of the Simpsons and Bart gets it. Marge insists they put up a sign but Homer staples it to the top of a phone poll. Otto wants to read the flier so he crashes the bus into the poll knocking it over and a crowd shows up at the house to claim the money. Nobody has a real claim to the money so Marge says Bart can keep it, he imagines building a Moon Mansion. Lisa suggests spending the money on Marge, Homer suggests a vacation but her past memories of travel are bad so she turns down the offer. At school Bart is showing the bill to the kids but has them on a timer, Milhouse offers him a quarter to keep looking at it so Bart sets it up in his treehouse and charges people $5 each to see it. Burns shows up with a bruise of the bill on his chest and takes the $1000 so everyone leaves, however Bart made $3000 from the museum. They decide to go on a trip, Grandpa wants to go to England to see the woman he fooled around with in 1944 just before he shipped out. The family does touristy stuff around London. They lose the kids, who run off on a candy high, but spot them from The Eye, Homer pulls the eject handle, the pod is shot off into the Thames and the theme from James Bond plays. Homer accidentally gets stuck in a roundabout (this joke was stolen from the 1985 movie National Lampoon's European Vacation). Homer crashes into Buckingham palace and the royal coach. He is put on trial, he accuses the queen of being Henrietta R Hippo. Homer is found guilty and sent to the Tower where he becomes a tourist attraction. Lisa finds a book and tells Homer how to escape using a secret tunnel but it was written by Sir Walter Raleigh and it's the passage he'd use to visit Elisabeth I. Homer manages to talk his way out of trouble. The Queen lets them go with the promise to take Madonna back to America. Abe's British girlfriend shows up with her daughter, who looks just like Homer. 

Jane Leeves does the voice of Edwina, Tony Blair, Evan Marriott, Ian McKellen and J.K. Rowling do their own voices.

In the couch gag Homer is yellow, Marge is orange, Lisa is green, Maggie is red and Bart is pink.

Bart and Milhouse are playing the video game Hockey Dad where parents from the stands beat each other up.

R2-D2 shows up in Bart's money fantasy as part of the moon house band. 

When Homer suggests they go on a vacation Marge says Homer ends up kidnapped (Blame It On Lisa), or on a chain gang ( Kill The Alligator And Run). On their honeymoon Homer ends up tied to a wrecking ball. 

Museum Of Modern Bart -  Admission $5 "See the $1000 bill" Among the other stuff at Bart's museum is a "200th Episode t shirt (Trash Of The Titans), a sling shot, a skateboard and his lucky red hat. There is also a The Birth Of Lisa, A Simpson Too Many? exhibit with Lisa's diary, a photo of him pushing an ice cream cone into her hair, rattle and a set of blocks that spell out SAX. The gift shop is selling MoMB umbrellas, gym bag, tote bag T shirt and a "I Saw $1000" t shirt. If you join the museum as a "Friend of Bart" you get a subscription to BartForum magazine and Bart will say "Eat my shorts" on your home answering machine. Moe wants to know what a crank call will cost. 

Without the bill Krusty compares Bart's museum to the Hard Rock Cafe in Phoenix.

When they arrive in London there is a group of Mary Poppins like characters flying around the Thames. 

The Simpsons stay at the Buckingham Pay-Less Motel

Judy Dench's Fish And Chips.

Harrods Department Store "We Make Keys"

Bart and Lisa go nuts in the candy department while Iggy Pop's Lust For Life plays, this is a spoof on Trainspotting, complete with Maggie crawling on the ceiling of a gingerbread bedroom. 

British plays: Urkel is "Othello"! / Joe Millionaire -In- The Cherry Orchard / Sir Ian McKellen in MacBeth (Homer keeps saying MacBeth and horrible things keep happening to McKellen)

'ertz rent a car

Headlines: the Times Of London, Yank Bangs Queen, Old Bean / The Mirror, Simpo To UK: I'll Kill You All" / The Sun, Yankee Doodle Randy, Topless Homer on Page 3 / The Sun, Judge Goes Medieval On Simpson's Ass / The Mirror, Wacko Jacko To Blimpo Simpo: Sell Me Your Bones / The Daily Mail, Bart And Prince Harry-Out Of Control?

Henrietta R Hippo was a character on the kids show New Zoo Revue that ran from 1971 to 1977

The Tower Of London - As Seen in "King Ralph", a 1991 comedy. 

Dated reference, Homer tells Marge to not buy any video tapes in England since they don't work in US VCRs. 

There is a joke about taking Madonna back to America was because in the day she was married to the British filmmaker Guy Richie, had a really bad fake British accent and appeared in a James Bond film (Die Another Day). The couple divorced in 2008.

The Fat And The Furriest

This episode premiered on November 30th 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by The Bernie Mac Show. It ran opposite 10-8, Cold Case and American Dreams

The title comes from the 2001 film The Fast And The Furious

The couch gag is a repeat of the Get Smart entrance. 

It's Mother's Day. Lisa picked her flowers and the other three made Marge mugs. They go shopping for a present and discover Abe has a job as a greeter. They buy Marge a Kitchen Carnival, a kitchen tool that makes carnival food at home from deep fried to cotton candy, "Endorsed by the American Carny Association". In the middle of the night Homer goes nuts and makes a cotton candy, caramel, deep fried giant ball. Todd and Rod get stuck to it so Marge wants to get rid of it. Homer takes the giant candy ball to the dump but is attacked by a bear. The family is watching the news when they see a segment titled Kent's Cowards, Homer getting attacked by the bear is featured. When Homer wimpers and cries the bear gets embarrassed and goes away. Everyone starts mocking Homer and everything reminds him of the attack. Abe tells Homer to find the bear and fight back. Homer goes to see Grant Conner, the famous hunter who shot the video. Conner tagged the bear and gives Homer a tracker, Home goes home and builds a bear proof suit The Bear Buster 5000. Marge forbids him from fighting the bear but he sneaks out early in the morning, Bart goes with him. The bear tracker stops beeping but it's because Lenny and Carl took the batteries for their radio, meanwhile Homer heads to the river alone. The bear shows up but he's not wearing his suit. Marge gets Conner to help her search for the bear, Homer has been drug off to its cave. It turns out the bear was in pain because of the tracker, once Homer removes it the bear becomes friendly. Homer tries to get the bear to the wildlife sanctuary however there is an army of hunters trying to collect the reward for killing it. The bear comes out in Homer's bear suit and manages to run through the gauntlet of gun fire to the refugee. The family goes home. 

Charles Napier does the voce of Grant Conor.

The plot is based on Troy Hurtubise who built a bear proof suit. 

This episode ran a year before a similar plot on Malcolm In The Middle.

The family goes shopping at Sprawl Mart. A spoof On Walmart. They also watch a video of Veggie Tales. Jaclyn Smith is selling axe heads. 

Patty and Selma were on an episode of The Price Is Right but it never aired because they aren't "TV Pretty".

Continuity Error: Todd says he was saving sugar for his wedding night but Bart gave them Pixie Sticks in the episode Homer Loves Flanders.

Springfield Dump - Not affiliated with the Springfield Marriott. The dump has stacks of Betamax Tapes and Laster Discs. Both of these video systems were a failure in the 80's. There is a spot that says Reserved for DVDs, it's probably filling up now.

Marge is playing with a World's Easiest Crossword Puzzles book: 

F U N

E    O

WOW

Homer imagines himself getting attacked by Gummi Bears, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington, Teddy Grahams, Smokey The Bear, Bobo (the episode Rosebud), The Chicago Bears, Intensive Care Bear.

Grandpa has a home page, Old Coot Dot Com, "Why Today Stinks"

Grant Conner Hunter: To avoid being killed ring bell. 

Homer's Suit Closet: Zoot Suit / Astronaut outfit (Homer In Space) / Southern Belle / Renaissance Dandy / Country-Western Octopus 

Lenny and Carl sing Afternoon Delight by the Starland Vocal Band.

During Homer and the bear's rummaging montage I've Got You Baby by Sonny and Cher plays. 

The bear and Stampy the elephant get into a fight. (from the episode Bart gets an Elephant)

This one was a so so episode. The plot was pretty thin and it was mostly Homer hijinks. The whole Homer and the bear story was copied from the Season One episode Call Of The Simpsons when Maggie goes around with a clan of bears. All in all, this one would have been a skip, but I'm doing them all.

Today I Am A Clown

This episode premiered on December 7th, 2003. The lead in show was King Of The Hill and it was followed by The Bernie Mac Show. It ran opposite 10-8, 60 Minutes and a Saturday Night Live Christmas Special

The title comes from the Bar Mitzvah tradition of a 13 year old boy declaring that today he is a man.

The chalkboard gag is "Over forty and single is not funny" and the couch gag is the family jump on fire polls with their names on them and when they reach the bottom they are in the Bat cave.

The family is standing in line for the bathroom, however they are all outside, it turns out Maggie is locked inside. Homer makes a mess with a coat hanger knocking pills and razors all over the floor and then Bart attempts to bash in the door with Homer's head. While they are arguing Lisa gets the door open with the coat hanger. Dr. Hibbert shows up with a box full of puppies, the offspring of SLH and Hibbert's poodle. Lisa points out that after the last puppy story Homer was suppose to have taken SLH to be neutered (Two Dozen And One Greyhounds). Homer backs out on getting SLH fixed. The kids give Krusty a dog and when he takes it out for a walk they end up in the Jewish neighborhood. Krusty checks out the Jewish Walk Of Fame but discovers his name isn't on a star, it turns out he never went through a Bar Mitzvah. Lisa and Bart offer to help Krusty find out about the ceremony. Krusty refuses to to work on Saturday so Marge suggests they book Jon Stewart (at the time he was doing The Daily Show). Krusty wants to hire someone terrible to cover the time slot and choses Homer. Homer hosts a talk show and invites Moe, Carl and Lenny to be the guests but they can't think of anything to talk about, so Homer complains about how seats are too small. People start to like the show because of the their normal guy talk. Lenny asks for a raise so Homer replaces him with Barney, Barney complains about the stage lights so Homer replaces him with Disco Stu. The network executives show up to tell Krusty he's being replaced by Homer. Lisa tells Homer he has to put his show to work for good so he imagines going back in time and saving Lincoln from Booth and winding up on the $5 bill. He then imagines him and Lincoln beating up Oswald in Dallas. Homer decides to focus on important issues so people tune out. Krusty gets fired but begs to get back on the air so the network agrees to televise his Bar Mitzvah. Mr. T shows up to be the Rabbi. As Homer's show is failing he strangles Bart on live TV and the show is cancelled. (Once again Lisa strikes), Krusty's father is disappointed in how he handled the Bar Mitzvah but Krusty comes to the Temple to do an honorable ceremony. 

Jackie Mason returns to do the voice of Krusty's Father and Mr. T does his own voice.

Couch gag costumes: Homer is Batman / Marge, Lisa and Maggie are wearing Batgirl / Bart is Robin.

The show opens with Johnny Cash's Ring Of Fire.

Self aware joke: Lisa reads The Simpsons: A Complete Guide To Our Favorite Family by Matt Groening. This is a real book and still available on Amazon. Krusty says he's desperate for a job and will even go on Fox.

When Homer takes SLH out for his last fling Last Dance by Gloria Gaynor plays.

Movies at the adult dog theater: Behind The Doggie Door / Long Dog Silver / On Golden Retriever

Nuts Landing Dog Neutering

Bart and Lisa give the puppies to Willie / Snake / Krusty

Krusty makes a cocktail of Slim Fast and Champaign.

Stores in the Jewish side of town: Circle K Mart / L.L. Beanie "Bargain Basement for Fine Yarmulkes" / Bakery "I can't Believe It's Not Trayfe!" / Fantastic Schlomo's "Payos Trims, Two For One!" 

Jewish Walk Of Fame "Where the Chosen get Chosen": Woody Allen / Sandy Koufax / Joan Rivers /Alan King / Joey Bishop / Albert Einstein / Lorne Michaels / Shari Lewis / Lamb Chop / Henry Winkler / Chaim Potok / Larry David / Billy Crystal

Krusty's full name is Herschel Pinchas Yoracham Krustofsky

Dated reference, there is a pay phone next to the Walk Of Fame office. 

People Magazine crossword clues: Horror novels Stephen ______ / Unfunny clown (6 letters) / Shoe-Clad leg ender. 

The Itchy & Scratchy Show: A Bris Before Dying. Rabbi Scratchy  is trying to circumcise a baby Itchy. Itchy steals Scratchy's eyes and then jumps all over him, resulting in Scratchy cutting himself into small pieces. Itchy grinds up Scratchy and uses him to make a glass, that he then wraps up and stomps on shouting "Mouse-l Tov!"

Comic Book Guy is stuck in a Teacup after eating at the Beauty And The Beast Fried Dough Chateau. This was 14 years before Disney bought Fox Entertainment and The Simpsons. 

Variety headline: Simpson A Smash / Grammys, Emmys to Merge.

Krusty's father rewards his hard work with a Dr. Brown. This is an actual soda usually available in Kosher delis.

Princess Cashmere is in the background at the Gilded Truffle. 

Krusty the Clown's Wet 'N' Wild Bar Mitzvah. Warning: First Two Rows May Get Converted. 

The Beach Boy's Experience play the Bar Mitzvah and do a version of Kokomo with Yiddish words swapped in. 

Tis The Fifteenth Season

This episode premiered on December 14th 2003. It ran in its usual time slot and opposite a Special Report on the capture of Saddam Hussein, 60 Minutes (same topic) and Law And Order: Criminal Intent.

The title comes from the song Deck The Halls. "Tis the season to be jolly"

The couch gag is a series of Anima characters in a Tokyo setting. 

For Secret Santa Carl gives Homer a DVD player with a complete collection of Magnum PI. However Homer forgot to get Lenny his present so he gets a roll of Certs from the candy machine. Burns gives the employees a $5 gift card to the plant's cafeteria, however he runs out so he gives Homer a Joe DiMaggio rookie card. When Homer goes to Comic Book Guy he gets a heap of money for it. Homer takes the family shopping at the rich people's mall. They divide up the money to buy each other nice gifts however Homer spends all his money on a talking Astrolabe. Since Homer blew all the money he can't afford a Christmas tree so they head to a shady lot on the bad side of town. Homer buys a dried out tree, it keeps catching on fire. The family finds out about the astrolabe and they get mad at him for being selfish. Homer watches a cartoon version of A Christmas Carol and sees his name on a headstone "Unloved By All". He wakes up and asks the kids what day is it and they tell him the 6th. Homer decides to become the nicest man in town. His first task is giving the homeless his old clothes, Ned is upset because he had planned on doing it. He gives Lenny a photo cube with pictures of the bar crowd, he gives Marge the last pork chop. He shakes down the partitioners at church for more donations. Homer turns the back yard into a skating rink. Ned brings sandwiches to the homeless shelter but discovers that Homer has invited all the homeless over to skate. The news does a story on Homer and Ned becomes jealous so he decides to be even nicer than anyone else so he gives out presents to everyone, to pay for it he rents out his house to a fraternity. Homer tries to one up Ned but Lisa tells him that Buddhists prefer to not get presents so he gets the idea to go around and steal everyone's presents. Homer thinks everyone would be happy but they are all mad and attack him with snowballs. Ned shows up to defend him but also gets pelted. A star is seen but it's really a rescue flair fired by Moleman who crashed his car on a hillside. Ned gives everyone gifts so they are happy. They then sing Hark The Herald Angel Sings like the ending of A Charlie Brown Christmas. The show ends with Snake stealing Homer's Astrolabe. 

The couch gag characters are: Bart is Astro Boy / Homer is Ultraman / Lisa is Sailor Moon / Marge is Jun (Science Ninja Team Gatchaman) / Maggie is Pikachu.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, the Johnny Mathis version plays during a  montage of the family putting up their Christmas decorations 

The family watches the 1986 holiday classic Christmas With The California Prunes (an actual stop motion film). This is a spoof on the popular advertising campaign of the California Raisins 

Springfield Heights Promenade: Our Prices Discriminate Because We Can't. Abercrombie & Rich / Your Picture On A Rembrandt (Moe is in the advertisement) / The Prodigy Barn / Victor's Secret / Things Unnecessary. 

Silver And Gold plays during the shopping spree. 

Homer's Astrolabe says it's the birthday of Margret Cho so their shopping trip took place on December 5th. 

The Simpsons listen to Christmas Convoy, a version of the 1975 song Convoy by C. W. McCall.

On the bad side of town there is a snowman with an axe in his head and blood. This is a spoof on Frosty The Snowman. (The magic hat is laying nearby). Gil is trying to hang himself with a string of Christmas lights however he later attends Homer's Homeless skating party.

Homer mentions Tuesdays With Morrie, a 1997 book and a 1999 TV show featuring Simpsons cast member Hank Azaria.

Homer watches The Year Santa Got Lost with Jimmy Stewart as the voice of Mr. Mailman and the toys from Rudolph, It is another stop motion cartoon. The movie is a spoof on Santa Clause Is Coming To Town where Fred Astaire did the voice of the narrating mailman. Stewart mentions Secretary Of Defense Melvin Laird, he held the office during Nixon's second term from 1969 until 1973. Homer changes the channel to Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol, a spoof on  the 1962 TV special Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.

Bart mentions how TV shows have been using A Christmas Carol for years, he turns on Family Matters where Urkle learns a lesson and Star Trek OG where the Enterprise is visited by the Ghost Of Christmas Future.

Rod tells Ned that he's jealous of girls because they get to wear dresses. 

Springfield Men's Mission: One Hot and Maybe A Cot (this is a take on how soldiers count their last days in service)

Homer stealing everyone's presents is a spoof on The Grinch Who Stole Christmas complete with a version of the song "You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch". SLH is decorated like the dog from the cartoon.

At city hall Ned starts to read Luke 2:8 like Linus does in A Charlie Brown Christmas but is cut off by Mayor Quimby who tells him there is no praying on city property.

Springfield City Hall: God-Free since '63. This is a reference to the Supreme Court ruling of Abington School District v. Schempp in which they ruled public schools can't teach the Bible in regular classes, and this was extended to religious displays on public property. 

This is episode 320, which is another five down for me and the last episode of 2003, meaning I'll start with a new year in my next post. As far as I'm concerned these were so so episodes, not the worst but clearly not as good as the glory years. This episode was almost 14 years after the first Christmas special, I have just another 21 years to go, maybe.