The Simpsons 386-390

The Haw-Hawed Couple

This episode premiered on December 10th 2006. The lead in show was a repeat of The Simpsons (Simpsons Christmas Stories) and was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 60 Minutes and Football Night In America.

The title comes from the 1968 movie The Odd Couple and Nelson's laugh.

The couch gag is Homer cuts the family's silhouettes holding hands out of a single piece of paper and says "Woo Hoo!"

Lisa goes to rat out Bart for drinking coffee but it's really hot Pepsi. When they get outside the bedroom they hear Homer and Marge having a big fight but it is just a recording so the parents can snuggle. However when they throw their clothes a shoe hits the boom box and changes to A Horse With No Name by America so the kids enter the room and are scarred by their naked parents rolling around on the bed. Milhouse says it's better to walk in on both of your parents rather than just one of them. Nelson steals the kids lunch money and then invites them to his birthday party. The parties are horrible so Bart gets all the kids to agree to not go. When Bart gets home he starts bragging but Marge catches him, smacks him with a wooden spoon and makes him go to the party. The party turns out to be really nice with a bounce house and pizza, even a Spider-Man and Dr. Octopus show up. Bart tells Nelson that nobody is coming so they decide to have fun with just the two of them. Bart figures it was a one time thing but now Nelson thinks Bart is his best friend, Bart tries to break up with him and accidentally backs into Jimbo. When Jimbo goes to beat him up Nelson steps in so Bart starts to enjoy his friendship. Marge wants to snuggle but Lisa wants a bedtime story. While reading to her Homer becomes hooked on the book but Lisa doesn't want Homer to read it without her. Nelson gives Bart a Nelson vest and he becomes a bully. Lisa is spending the night at a friends house so Homer reads ahead without her. Milhouse tries to talk to Bart but he is shunned, Milhouse points out that Bart has become a sidekick and challenges him to fly kites in front of everyone. Nelson sees him and gets angry and confronts Bart for hanging out with Milhouse. Nelson is just about to beat up Bart when his mother tells him to come give the cat its eye drops. Nelson catches Bart but apologizes to him and asks Bart to be best friends forever however Nelson threatens him. Lisa wants to finish the book however Homer doesn't want to read the part about the death of Greystash so he changes the ending to where the bad guy gets eaten by a dragon. However Lisa reads the real ending. Skinner takes the kids on a field trip to the tidal pool, Nelson insists on being Bart's field trip buddy, Bart is sure he's about to die but Nelson tells him off for being a bad friend. The tide comes in and Nelson and Bart get trapped, Nelson gives Bart the oxygen tank and swims for safety, Bart passes out. Skinner give Bart mouth to mouth and everyone laughs at him. Nelson tells Bart that it's all over, Bart actually misses him. Nelson laughs at Bart and says "Ha Ha, I touched your heart". Homer is crying about Greystash at the bar. 

Bart is eating Milk Duds, although half the box is covered up. Hershey's currently owns the company.

Nelson lives at 19 Fish Smell Drive.

Martin tells the kids that as individuals they don't stand a chance against Nelson but if they all join together they form a mighty faggot. There is a definition for the word: fag•got (fag'• et) n. a bundle of sticks for fuel. (Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks]

Lisa's book: Angelica Button and The Dragon King's Trundle Bed by T.R. Francis. The story is based on the Harry Potter series.

When Nelson gives Bart a vest He's A Rebel by The Crystals plays and they do a spoof on the entering the restaurant scene from Goodfellas. Willie performs a ventriloquist act in the cafeteria. 

Greystash, the wizard in Lisa's book dies and Homer shouts "He killed Greystash!" A nearby worker on a power poll says "Thanks for the spoiler there, big mouth". This was based on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince when Gandalf is killed, people intentionally tried to spoil the story for others by revealing the plot twist. (I went on a trip and took a copy of Deathly Hallows with me. I put the dust jacket from another book over it just so people wouldn't give away any details about the story)

Kill Gil, Volumes I & II

This episode premiered on December 17th, 2006. The lead in show was the NFL Post Game show and it was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite The Wonderful World Of Disney (The Santa Clause II), Survivor and Football Night In America. 

The title is based on the 2003 and 2004 films Kill Bill Vol. I and II

The opening credits start with a Christmas theme. The town is covered in snow and there are decorations up everywhere. The chalkboard gag is "Frankincense is not a monster". Bart rides a snowboard home instead of a skateboard. Mr. Burns is dressed as Scrooge and Smithers is Jacob Marley. Mr. Largo is directing the band with a candy cane. Jasper dressed as Santa has replaced Bleeding Gums Murphy (since he's dead). The family sits on the couch but they are a reflection in a tree ornament. 

The family is at the Krusty Christmas skating special however when the stadium workers start setting up for a basketball game a fight breaks out between them and the skating characters. Smithers is jealous when Mr. Burns has a new friend. The kids go to see Santa but it turns out to be Gil. For Christmas Lisa wants the Malibu Stacy Pony Beach Party Set with Sparkle Sand but it's sold out everywhere. Gil tells her there is one in the back room and goes to get it for her, however the owner of the store is mad because he had put it aside for his daughter. Gil refuses to get it back and is fired. Marge invites Gil to dinner and then lets him spend the night. On Christmas morning they discover that Gil has moved into their living room. Marge goes to kick Gil out but he tries to play on her sympathy so she lets him stay, cut to New Years Day and he's still there. By MLK day Gil is still there, Homer tells Marge off for not saying no She remembers when her sisters stuffed her into her dollhouse when she refuses to hide their cigarettes. Homer goes to the bar to complain, he gets attacked by the Grumple. A montage of calendar pages turn while Bing Crosby sings "Happy Holidays". Marge and Homer want to snuggle but Gil busts into the bedroom eating the chocolate Homer had bought for Marge. The foot doctor calls for Gil and tells Lisa some bad news. Gil throws a St. Patricks day party, his guests are Kirk, the Cat Lady, some random homeless guy and the Leprechaun (who gets into a fight with SLH). After a year but Gil is still living in the house, he even sent out Christmas Cards with his image pasted over the family's photo. When Marge finally builds up her courage it's too late, Gil has gone to Scottsdale, she needs to tell him off so the family heads to Scottsdale. The town is covered with posters of Gil as the most successful real estate agent in town. Marge tells Gil off and tells him No about the house he has for sale, the staff starts laughing at him and he gets fired. They end up in the house for sale and the Grumple family comes over to sing Holly Jolly Christmas with altered lyrics. 

Elvis Stojko does his own voice.

Krusty's Kristmas On Ice. Adults $40 / Children $39

The skaters at Krusty's Christmas show sing a version of Deck The Halls.

Characters at Krusty's Christmas show. Ribwich Ribbit (I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can), Matrix Poochie (Even though Krusty promised that Poochie was gone forever), Elvis Stojko. The first appearance of The Grumple (a spoof on The Grinch and Oscar The Grouch)

Costington's Christmas Presents - At Hanukkah Prices. 

Sign at Costington: Santa's Making Presents, He'll Be Right Back (with an image of Santa on the toilet) 

The family sings The 12 Days Of Christmas and Rockin' Round The Christmas Tree.

Gil makes a joke about Harold Stassen. He was known as the perpetual candidate because he was always running for office, and generally losing.

Marge says she let Gil stay because of Christian Charity, Homer wants to know what a porn star has to do with this. (There really is an adult star by that name but she was 7 when this episode came out)

At the Rose Parade the marching band from Altoona PA is playing Rachel's Theme from Batman Begins. 

Springfield Shopper headline: Today We Remember Martin Luther King - Tomorrow We Don't. The shopper is back to 35¢

As the camera pans up from Gils St. Patrick's Day party to the parent's bedroom we see dancing mice between the floors. 

James L. Brooks' birthday May 9th.

July 27th, Jerry Van Dyke's Birthday (Australia)

Welcome To Scottsdale, Water $10 a Sip

Ooo, bad joke, they leave SLH in the car when it's 102° and Homer runs over to tell him there's water under the seat.

I hate to say this was a bad episode, but it was a bad episode. The plot was mostly Gil living on the couch with a lot of filler and the ending felt tacked on. I miss the classic Simpsons. 

This was the last Simpsons episode for 2006. 18 (or 19) years to go.

The good news is I'm only 13 episodes away from the movie.

The Wife Aquatic

This episode premiered on January 7th, 2007. The lead in show was The NFC Wildcard game (Eagles 23 / Giants 20) and it was followed by American Dad. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, Cold Case and Grease, You're The One That I Want.

The title comes from the 2004 film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The couch gag is there is a cork board, someone uses a tack to put the couch on it followed by the different members of the family.

Springfield is holding an outdoor movie in the park however there is no place for the family. They end up racing against the Van Houtens. Homer throws Maggie who parachutes into the empty spot. The bullies start throwing radishes at Rod and Todd so the movie gets destroyed. Patty and Selma show up with their home movies. Marge remembers back to when they would go to Barnacle Bay, he decides to take them for a surprise vacation. It turns out the town is now a spot for homeless people. When Marge asks what happened to the island Homer blames Bill Clinton. It turns out that the Yum Yum Fish had disappeared. Homer gets the locals to restore the carousel, Bart and Lisa have to turn it. Homer ends the day with a fireworks show however a spark sets the dock on fire and burns everything up. The locals are mad at him and hang him up like a fish. They decide to earn his way out of the damage by going fishing. The nets pull up nothing but garbage and a fish used to polish stripper poles. Homer accidentally beer batters the hooks however they catch a load of Yum Yum Fish. A guy at the ocean institute tells Marge that a perfect storm is coming, Homer is still out on the boat. The boat is in trouble so the captain orders them to get out the emergency rafts however Bart his hiding in the cabinet instead of the rafts. Moe gets a shiver sensing that Homer is in terrible trouble, the bar patrons decide to head out to rescue him but it's raining so they change their minds. A giant wave hits the boat and they start to sink. Homer prays to the sea as the camera pulls away. The next day the sun comes out and the town holds a memorial to the victims. However the crew show up, Homer sees an underwater Atlantis inhabited by mermaids, however he was suffering from oxygen deprivation. They got rescued by a Japanese trawler. Lisa lectures them about overfishing. The island decide to cut down all the trees instead, they are going to Larry Flynt to print Hustler. 

The plot of this episode is based on the 2000 film The Perfect Storm

Ned puts religious pamphlets on people's cars, You Will Die In Sin.

The outdoor movie is Dunderhead Deputies in Farmyard Follies. This is a spoof on the Keystone Cops. It's a silent movie and Mrs. Glick plays the piano along with the film.

Lisa says Barnacle Bay is the most disgusting place they've ever been, Bart reminds her they went to Brazil. (Blame It On Lisa)

Barnacle Bay Theater: Meet Me In Some Floozy.

Boats at the dock: The Wasted Bait / The Empty Net / The Rotting Pelican

Lisa and a fisherman get into a fight about the disappearance of the fish. He ends with "Well maybe you should marry Milhouse. That's right, I know about Milhouse"

When Homer is clubbing fish At Last by Etta James plays. 

Barnacle Bay Oceanographic Institute: Yes we make change for parking. Exhibits: The Science of SpongeBob / Tides: Natures Least Accurate Clocks / Water Acidity / Global Warming (the exhibit demonstrates what global warming will do in the next three years. A model of NYC gets flooded and everyone drowns. I guess all of the Simpsons predictions don't come true)

One of the crew wants to go back because their TiVo's will be full of great shows. Streaming competition and licensing agreements have slowly been putting TiVo out of business. 

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Three Times

This episode premiered on January 28th 2007. The lead in show was The War At Home and it was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, Cold Case and Grease, You're The One That I want

The title comes from the Star Trek: Wrath Of Khan quote "Revenge is a dish best served cold"

The couch gag is The family is all babies and then go through rapid growth to their current age.

The family has a satellite radio in their car, all easy listening. The Yee Haw Texan cuts them off, Homer tries to hit his car with a baseball bat but Marge tells three stories about revenge gone bad.

The Count Of Monty Fatso

The Simpsons are a happy rich family but Moe (Meaux) is jealous. Wiggum shows up and arrests Homer for treason. Moe reads a love letter Homer wrote to England so he's sentenced to life in prison. Homer turns out to share a cell with Burns who shows him the tunnel he's been digging. Burns has a map to his buried treasure. Homer falls off a cliff and into a sunken boat with a cage. It leads to another tunnel that leads back to the cell. It takes him two more times to escape. Five years later Homer sets out to get his revenge by inviting Moe and Marge to his castle. Homer has Moe sit in a torture chair and then reveals himself. Moe is burned up in a crepes. Marge is upset that Homer killed Moe, she's angry that it took him 5 years to get her back and walks out.

The title of this segment is based on the novel The Count Of Monty Cristo.

Chateau d'If Times headline Prisoner's Wife Remarries. A image of Moe and Marge. The paper is seen spinning however Lenny is holding it while Homer is spun on a torture wheel.

When Homer discovers the treasure cave he dives in like Scrooge McDuck in the opening of the 1982 TV series Duck Tales. 

Revenge Of The Geeks

Lisa tells the next story. The bullies have the nerds tied up and are using them to play shuffleboard. Martin builds a Get-Back-Anator, a revenge glove. Milhouse offers to wear it. Martin tricks the bullies into chasing him in to the library, they've never been there before. Milhouse uses the glove to torture the bullies with various punishments from wedgies to purple nurples. Once the bullies are contained Milhouse goes crazy with power, he gets revenge on Martin and then goes on a rampage. Milhouse want Lisa to be his queen but she says she just wants to be friends. When he tries to zap her he can't and throws the glove away. Nelson shows up and grabs it, he uses all the settings on Milhouse. 

The title of this episode is based on the 1984 movie Revenge Of The Nerds

Homer says he's going to get his revenge on the Yee Haw Texan and if he gets caught he's pinning it on the baby just like the time he shot Mr. Burns (Who Shot Burns part I and II)

There is a cardboard cutout of Hitler "Before I was a Nazi leader I was a Nazi Reader" and is holding up a copy of Mein Kampf. 

Glove settings: Wedgie / Purple Nurples / Pink Belly / Indian Burn / Wet Willie / Dry Willie / Kidney Stoning / Nasty Jackson / Genital Hospital / Stop Hitting Yourself / Freshman Facial / Ultimate Noogie (it beheads Willie)

Milhouse's revenge list: Skinner / Jimbo / Kearny / Nana / Wendell / Dolph / Sherri / Cosign / Terry / Chuck / Becky / Martin / Richard / Database / Rod / Todd / Nelson / Willie / Uter / Ralph / Louis / Taney 

Homer catches up with the Yee Haw Texan and is about to get his revenge when Bart tells a story:

Bartman Begins

The story starts in the 1940's, based on the music. The family is coming out of the opera house and go down a dangerous alley, they get robbed by Snake who shoot the two of them. Abe shows up to teach Bart how to be a costumed crime fighter, he was once the Crimson Cockatoo. Grandpa wants to call Bart the Crimson Cockaboy. At the museum Indian music starts to play, the Serpent shows up and hypnotizes everyone. Bartman shows up and shoves Snake into a giant set of fangs. When a Lisa reporter shows up to say Bart didn't bring his parents back he says it's OK because he stinkin' rich and nobody to tell him what to do. 

The title of this segment is based on the 2005 movie Batman Begins.

Movies at the theater: Zorro Joins The Navy / Abbott and Costello Meet Polio 

King Kong is at the top of the Empire State Building and wearing a Yankees hat.

Gotham Herald headline: Crimson Cockatoo Beaten Senseless (a photo of a costumed Abe at the bottom of a set of stairs) / Muscular Child Terrorizes Underworld. 

Criminals of Gotham City: The Toker (Otto in a joint costume) / The Diddler (Ned with Rod and Todd dressed up as angels) / Mr. Mole (Moleman) / Sugar And Spice (Patty and Selma) / Poison Lenny (Lenny) / The Serpent (Snake)

Gotham Natural History Museum "Tonight: The Stealable Jewels Of The Orient"

When Marge tells Homer that revenge never solved anything he asks "Why are we still in Iraq"? The US was in Iraq from Bush's invasion in 2003 until 2011.

While Bart is telling his story Homer and the Yee Haw Texan make up. They claim they are both from Connecticut.

This Episode Is Dedicated To All Who Died In The "Star Wars" Films. Darth Vader / Darth Maul / Greedo / Uncle Owen / Stormtrooper #5 / Jango Fett / General Grievous (Droid) / Storm Trooper #22 / Dak / Obi Wan (Ben) Kenobi / Whoever Jimmy Smitts Played / Hutt, Jabba The / Sy Snoodles / Unfortunately Not Jar-Jar Binks / Everyone On Both Death Stars When They Blew Up. (When this episode came out there were 6 Star Wars movie and The Clone Wars TV series)

Little Big Girl

This episode premiered on February 11th 2007. The lead in show was a repeat of The Simpsons (Ice Cream Of Marge) and was followed by King Of The Hill. It ran opposite Extreme Makeover, The 49th Annual Grammy Awards and Grease, You're The One That I Want

The title comes from the 1970 film Little Big Man

The couch gag is the family is cut out dolls. A set of hands puts the paper clothes on them and then they sit down on the couch. Homer says "Hmmmm"

Lisa has to write a family history for Multicultural Day however the Simpsons are boring. Grandpa says "In a world of 31 flavors the Simpsons are the cup of water they use to rinse the scoops in. Bart does the boobs trick with the Land O Lakes Indian. (you can't do that anymore because they took her off the label) Lisa is inspired to cheat on her essay, meanwhile Bart plays with the Rice Krispie box and makes Snap do things to Krackle while Pop watches. Lisa claims her a member of the Hitachee tribe, getting the name from the Hitachi microwave. She makes a dress out of Marge's corn cob curtains. After giving the top speech she has to give a presentation at the Springfield Multicultural Center. Cletus pulls his cow's tail that sets off an entire chain of events leading to a wild fire burning its way to Burn's Mansion. When the fire hits the school all the extinguishers are gone. Bart stole them to make a rocket car, which shoots towards the burning town. Bart's fire extinguisher cart saves the town and they declare him a hero and grand him one wish. Bart asks for a driver's license. Homer has Bart drive home, someone cuts him off so Homer has Bart speed up and starts throwing Marshall Tucker CD's at them, but it turns out to be Marge. John Squawking Bear shows up to interview Lisa, he says he thought he knew all the lost tribes. Lisa tries to make up answers to the tough questions. Homer makes Bart carry a cell phone so when he's out with the car Homer can call him to do stuff. The first thing is to toss volleyballs over the wall of the prison to create confusion, next he calls Bart from the bar for a ride home. Lisa complains about how Bart is driving, he threatens to investigate her heritage, Homer calls form the trunk. Bart gets mad at Homer for calling him so he takes off on a road trip. Bart goes to North Haverbrook and picks up Darcy. He keeps going back. Darcy kisses Bart during a horror movie. Darcy wants to get married and makes Bart go to the courthouse. He finally confesses that he's only 10, she tells him she's pregnant. When he tries to run away the car breaks down. Bart thinks he's the father because they held hands and kissed at the same time. The court house tells them they can get married in Utah, Bart imagines skateboarding in Monument Valley. Lisa has to give a speech at a tribal council but she finally confesses the truth, someone shoots a flaming arrow at her. Several people confess to not being Native. Homer reveals his great great grandmother was a Native American, Lisa gets mad at him. Bart and Darcy drive off to Utah. The two families show up in Utah and stop the marriage. Bart drives Homer around while they sing public domain songs (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

Natalie Portman does the voice of Darcy

Marge reads Nagging Your Way To Ecstasy. 

Lisa looks through: Photo Memories / Springfield Family Heritage / Genealogy Research / Tracing Family History

The kids all show up in cultural costumes, Ralph shows up dressed like a dog. 

When Smithers catches on fire he shouts "I'm Flaming!" Burns says "Hmmm..." 

Shops in the line of the fire: Kevin's Kindling / Mike's Methane Mart / Just Match-Head.

Bart's wishes: Face on the $5 bill / intravenous Squishee / Kiss Bart's Butt ( in line are Nelson / Skinner / Mrs. Krabappal / Todd / Rod / Homer / Harry Potter) / Driving a sports car.

During Bart's license montage Jessica by The Allman Brothers Band plays. 

Bart writes "So Long Suckers" on the chalkboard after getting his license. This is an in-episode chalkboard gag. Instead of jumping on his skateboard he drives Homer's car through the school's front doors. He runs over everyone in front of Moe's, Jasper replaces Bleeding Gums Murphy (since he's dead). He jumps the fence and lands on top of Homer. 

After her speech Lisa wants to leave right away and says some of her report wasn't fact checked. Homer says "Just like CBS News".  This is a reference to the story about Bush and the Air National Guard.

Headline for the Chippewa Bugle: Feds To Keep Interest Rates Steady.

When asked where the tribe was centered Lisa says "South...west of...North Dakota-lahoma". This is a spoof on the old question, "Where is Springfield"

Bart's ringtone is Fur Else by Beethoven. 

Now Leaving Springfield-Birthplace of Nelson. 

When Bart goes on his road trip Low Rider by War plays. He goes through Shelbyville, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook

North Haverbrook has the world's larges bounce castle / Ultimate Fighting Zoo / Mylar Baggins Comic Book Shop (a spoof on mylar bags and Bilbo Baggins) 

When Bart is out with Darcy they do a spoof on the Italian scene from Lady and the Tramp, Darcy kisses a stray dog. 

Capitol City Convention Center. National Tribal Conference, 10 AM: Lisa Simpson. 11AM. Teepee Vs. Wigwam: The Debate Continues

Bart and Darcy go to Wives R Us in Utah.

This was a very strange episode. Just saying.

We've reach the end of another 5 episodes. I can honestly say I never saw any of these before, either in first run (which I had given up on years before) or in reruns. So they are all new to me. And, well, they aren't that good. 

ps, sorry I didn't post anything last week but I had the flu.